I don't think DP wants our baby.....

[ArtyFartyPants]

I found out yesterday that I'm 6 weeks pregnant. I was estatic to say the least! During June, July and August I had been having blood tests to check my hormones. I had been worried that I hadn't gotten pregnant since my DS was born....he's 8 now. Doctor said I wasn't ovulating and asked if I wanted to be referred. I said not yet, as I hadn't actually planned to have a baby with DP plus I'm finishing my degree at uni. My periods come and go as they please and have done so for the past two years, so doctor told me to gain at least a stone, I'm super skinny, and come back for more tests then. Low and behold I'm now 6 weeks pregnant which means I got knocked up the month after being told I'm not ovulating. Been with DP over a year and he knows all about the tests I was having and what they were for. He was shocked when I told him I was pregnant as was I. Obviously I know that we need to talk about things but for me my mind is already made up. I don't want to risk not having this baby and finding out it may have been my last chance naturally. I actually don't even support abortions, so I wouldn't have one anyway. I just want my DP to be happy with my decision, I love him dearly and he really is the best thing that has happended to me. I don't want to destroy what we have. He suggested that we see a fertility specialist next week to suggest our options later. What does this mean? Get rid of this baby now and let them run more tests? I don't know what I'm asking really I'm just worried about my relationship etc
Has anyone been through similar problems with their partner? If so, please tell me you had a happy ending.
I'm so happy to be pregnant!

[fuckityfuckfuckfuck]

WHy on earth weren't you using contraception if you are so against abortion and you knew your dp wouldn't be happy? I get that you thought you wouldn;t get pregnant, but the very fact you're having fertility tests at all suggests to me that you've been trying and failing to get pregnant for some time. I feel for both of you.

[ArtyFartyPants]

We've never used protection, I've previously been told my tubes were blocked. I had cysts on them a couple of years ago and that's when I was told that. They said it was due to the sexually transmitted infection my ds's father decided to give me whilst I was pregnant. Haven't been trying for a baby, but I was concerned I hadn't been pregnant since DS was born. I stayed with my ex for 4 years and never once got pregnant with him and never used protection either. I'm happy to be pregnant, I just thought I never would be due to what I've been told over the years, my erratic periods, being too slim, etc

[fuckityfuckfuckfuck]

Then you have been playing a very dangerous game with your health. No protection ever?? And you've had an STI so you should know better. Your attitude towards getting pregnant seems a bit blase, I am a bit at that. You cannot have spent the last 8 years not really caring if you got pregnant or not. That is madness.

[ArtyFartyPants]

Well I was with my ex for 4 years then single until I got with DP. No sex with anyone in-between that time. when with ex we did try for a baby for 2 years but it never happened. I've been tested for STD's and have none so not worried about getting one again.

[DuelingFanjo]

I would have been worried about getting one again if I were you - from your DS's father who gave you one before! yet you continued trying for 2 years!

Anyway - I don't think you should terminate a pregnancy if you don't want to. If it leads to the break up of your relationship then you are probably better off without him.

[wannaBe]

I can never get my head around these women who spin the line "oh I didn't think I could get pregnant," and then act all shocked and when they do. Even more so someone who has already been pregnant once so knows full well she is capable of conceiving.

I ttc unsuccessfully for four years. I am fairly sure I cannot get pregnant. However now that I have decided that I'm done ttc and that I don't want another baby any more because I have moved on, I have taken steps to ensure that I do not get pregnant. The stories of women who "thought they couldn't get pregnant" and then do are all too common.

I'm not surprised your dp is unhappy. A year is no time at all to have been in a relationship before having a child, and tbh he probably feels as if you've tricked him by telling him you were unable to get pregnant and then landing a surprise and to him unwanted pregnancy on him.

I think you have been incredibly reckless and stupid.

[kiki22]

Hi I had a similar situation when i fell pg except DP was told he couldn't have kids due to a cyst in him man bits was told he would need an op to remove it before we could try n even then it might not happen without help. We had no intention of having a baby yet hadn't even thought about it and didn't use any protection (we're both clean) and with in a month i was pg.

At first he was in shock and couldn't quite believe it he did suggest termination at first and took weeks to get his head round it, i think he felt like he had no control and was being forced into it but like u i don't feel a termination would have been an option for me and kept thinking this could be our only chance as parents might have been that 1 in a million the doc mentioned.

Anyways am now 26 weeks and last night while lying stroking my belly he told me he feels like he has a bond with the baby already :) It was quite hard at the start but once he seen scans and felt the baby kick seen my belly grow he got used to the idea. I think for men quite often it's about having no control over whats happening and feeling there choice has been taken away but he will get used to it. Tell him your keeping baby and make sure he feels it's his baby as well as yours i constantly tell DP how babys growing week by week and how he's moving around etc make him feel included.

Sorry for long answer hope it helps.

[Sandra2011]

You reap what you sow.

[fuckityfuckfuckfuck]

The thing here OP is that you're 'ecstatic' which, let's be truthful, isn't a normal reaction to an unplanned pregnancy. I should know, I'm almost halfway through one. In response to your OP, yes dp and I are very happy now but tbh at the beginning it was a real crisis for us. I think you have a long struggle ahead with your partner. I would base my decision on the assumption that you will be going it alone.

[ArtyFartyPants]

All I'm saying in response to some of the messages is:
I've been told on numerous occasions that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant without medical help, which is the case with many women.
I was then told in August that my body wasn't producing eggs and was producing too much prolactin. I was told to gain weight to see if my periods would come regularly. I haven't gained any weight, I sometimes miss a period or it comes late.
I TTC with ex for 2 years an it never happened. Obviously I wasn't infertile as I had my DS but the infection that I caught whilst pregnant with DS could have made me infertile.

I never thought I would get pregnant, I wasn't trying to trick DP he came with me to every blood test and doctors appointment so he knew what was going on.
I've known DP for years so it's not like I've only known him since our relationship started. I don't believe we'll split up because of this I just think he's scared an worried.

Kiki I'm glad everything is going smoother for you now and congratulations

Oh and also why would I not be ecstatic? Just because it was an unplanned pregnant doesn't mean I shouldn't be happy about it. My DS was unplanned and I'm happy that I have him.

[kiki22]

thank you :) i'm sure you'll be in the same boat once your DP gets his head around it.

Ignore anyone that is negitive and just be glad you have your precious baby you've waited so long for.

[Voidka]

If you are happy then thats all that matters.

[chrispackhamslovebunny]

OP, you sound quite immature. youve been playing roulette with your fertility by the sound of it, but now its happened and you are pg you need to sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about it.

its quite possible that if you have been telling him you cant get pg then he has possibly been lulled into a bit of a false sense of security....an honest conversation is needed.

[spookshowangellovesit]

i dont agree with fuckity. people can be really happy with an unplanned pregnancy.

[PetiteRaleuse]

Congratulations - people jump to conclusions on here, some of the messages aren't very helpful.

I hope your DP comes round to the idea of you being pregnant now - as it is coming as a shock to him he may need a few days to get his head round it.

Sorry your X gave you an STI while you were pregnant. My ex gave me a selection (though I wasn't pregnant thank God) and couldn't have given a damn - they come as a shock don't they, especially as some of them, as you say, are pretty dangerous for the health.

Good luck. I hope your pregnancy goes very well.

[PetiteRaleuse]

BTW I know several women who have been told they can't have any more children who have gone on to have several. I was one of three accidents in my family - my mum was told categorically after each birth that there wouldn't be any more.

My MIL was told she couldn't have any more and had a second child after ten years.

It happens more often than you might think.

[ArtyFartyPants]

Jesus I'm perhaps too immature to have a baby now? Like I stated before DP came with me to every doctors appointment so heard why the doctor was telling me about needing help to conceive.

All that matters is I'm happy about it, I'm sure my DP will come around and be happy to. It will be his first child so he's obviously scared to death...actually I am too as its been so long since my last pregnancy.

[ArtyFartyPants]

Thanks for all the messages of support an reassurance.

[kiki22]

Funny how people come on her looking for support and get slatted quite often. If you've nothing nice to say don't say it at all.

I've read loads of posts about DP & DH's freaking out over planned pregnancys too think it's very common just harder to deal with unplanned.

good luck

[wannaBe]

so if you're so extatic about it and you're sure your dp will be too given time what was the purpose of your post?

[PetiteRaleuse]

Wannabe she wants reassurance that she is being realistic about thinking he'll come round? Maybe ideas on how to help him be more positive? How others have handled such situations?

[going]

It may just be a bit of a shock for him now, it may take a while but hopefully he will one day be pleased about it.

[chrispackhamslovebunny]

not saying your too immature to have a baby at all - just sounds like youve not been very mature in relation to having a possibly unwanted pg - its great that your ecstatic, and if thats the case im very happy for you. but i think instead of posting here you perhaps need to be having this conversation with your DP who you state doesnt seem happy about it, we can all say the right things on here but its what you and he thinks that really matters.

[twojumpingbeans]

I think that the OP has come on here asking for some help and support and a safe place to talk things through and has been needlessly vilified. I was told I had fertility problems after some surgery and had the blood tests which said I wasn't ovulating - am now 17 weeks pg. Baby very much planned but still..

Give the lady a break won't you? Goodness me - would you be so quick to judge in real life? If so, I hope I never come across any of you who were so unsupportive (huge euphemism!) if I ever have any problems I need to talk through...

OP - congrats! I hope that you find some time this weekend to really talk things through with your partner and find some common ground to move forward.

[CopperLocs]

I'm shocked and disappointed at some of the responses I've read here. I am new to mumsnet and so far was under the impression that this was a place of support?

I think that if the OP and her partner had both attended fertility appoinments together and were BOTH having unprotected sex, then surely OPs partner shoud have expected the unexpected just as much as the OP? I see no evidence of her having "tricked him" into anything. It's not like she stole his sperm or lied about her infertility, he was there to hear it or himself for goodness sake! I can't comment on him not being happy about it as such because in reality, he hasnt had much time to get his head around it. Maybe he doesnt know how he really feels about it? People process things differently and he may well und up being just as happy as you once the reality of it has kicked in.

As for being ecstatic not being a "normal" response to an unplanned pregnancy, that is ridiculous. I'm 18+4 with a totally unplanned pregnancy with someone I hadn't been in a long term relationship with and was 80% sure I was going to end up as a single mother (which I have), DESPITE the fact that I'd used protection! Regardless of all these factors, I was ecstatcic the moment that line appeared on my test and have been ever since.

ArtyFartyPants, a huge congratulations to you! Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is the miracle baby you thought you'd never have, maybe it's the only other baby you'll have, or maybe it's the baby that, like mine, is coming to teach you something about yourself or your relationships. Either way, your baby is wanted and loved by you already. Seems like a good place to start to me :)