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Anyone in Herts found out the sex? And will it help me deal with depression?

(16 Posts)
TheVampireEmpusa Thu 13-Oct-11 19:20:00

If you did, did you have to go private to find out?

I've been really struggling with the pregnancy, finding it very hard to care about the baby, so am wondering if knowing the sex will make it easier for me to identify with the baby, and less resentful of it.

Need to know if I can find out through the NHS 9got my 20 week scan soon), or if it's going to cost me the earth. And if I have to pay, whether it's worth the money - if it'll help with the depression.

I've just felt so low and angry with the baby, especially as I've been struggling with hyperemesis and been hospitalised already.

kiki22 Thu 13-Oct-11 20:06:33

i really struggled due to previous mc and finding out the sex really helped me feel a bond with the baby and stop thinking of it as an it or a thing and start thinking of him as a he my son.

I went private at 16 weeks to find out cost (£75) but was confirmed at 20 week scan

TheVampireEmpusa Thu 13-Oct-11 20:41:17

That's good to know, thank you

Allboxedin Thu 13-Oct-11 20:56:34

I had my 20 week scan in Manchester where they told you, but delivered in Watford. I have been told that they don't tell you in Watford but I can't be certain.
I found out with dd1 but have not found out with this baby as the legs were crossed at the scan (I'm in London now) but if it is at all helpful, I felt I could bond/plan more with dd knowing the sex. This time, I don't really feel anything tbh and I think maybe that is down to not knowing. I would have gone for a private scan earlier on if I had got myself in gear to do it.

bringinghomethebacon Thu 13-Oct-11 21:02:01

They tell you at Lister, don't know if its the same all over Herts. Am fairly sure they tell you at QEII too. I know you pay at Chase Farm in Enfield (or did, 5 years ago). Sorry to hear you are feeling so crappy, maybe it would help if you feel knowing the sex will help you bond with the baby and look forward to it more.

TheVampireEmpusa Thu 13-Oct-11 21:04:53

Hmm, looks like I wont be finding out at Hemel

RickGhastley Thu 13-Oct-11 21:08:25

Hi Vampire, sorry you are having such a tough time.

My sister had hyperemesis and ante-natal depression and chose to find out the sex, she thinks it did help her a bit but she was not completely well until she delivered the baby.

Are you on meds for your hyperemesis? There are a few you can try though you may have to push your Dr to change your meds if they don't work. There are lots of posts about hyperemesis and medication on here if you do a search.

Allboxedin Thu 13-Oct-11 21:09:35

Bringing you don't pay now at Chase Farm, thats where I am this time and they would have told me but legs were crossed! sad

TheVampireEmpusa Thu 13-Oct-11 21:09:46

I'm on a combination of 2 different meds for the hyperemesis now, which are helping quite a lot. Still a bit shaken up by it though tbh.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich Thu 13-Oct-11 21:22:59

I know you don't find out at St Albans or Watford. A friend paid for a private scan in St Albans and it cost £100. We found out with DD1 (not living in Herts then) but didn't bother with DD2 (too stingy!) And I would say I definitely felt it helped me feel a bond with DD1 sooner - especially as she was my 1st, it helped me imagine what it would be like iyswim. But then it was exciting not knowing til the last minute with DD2 and made the 'it's a girl!' Moment at the birth really special. So either way is good!

cheeseandmarmitesandwich Thu 13-Oct-11 21:22:59

I know you don't find out at St Albans or Watford. A friend paid for a private scan in St Albans and it cost £100. We found out with DD1 (not living in Herts then) but didn't bother with DD2 (too stingy!) And I would say I definitely felt it helped me feel a bond with DD1 sooner - especially as she was my 1st, it helped me imagine what it would be like iyswim. But then it was exciting not knowing til the last minute with DD2 and made the 'it's a girl!' Moment at the birth really special. So either way is good!

Daisybell1 Thu 13-Oct-11 21:45:31

Vampire I'm not in Herts but I did have prenatal depression during my pregnancy. I was in too much of a black hole to be able to speak during my 20 week scan, let alone ask to know the sex, however after some counselling for the anxiety/depression, my consultant got me an additional NHS scan at 27 weeks to find out the sex.

It really, really helped me to know the sex. It meant that I was able to tackle some of my anxieties through more counselling, and prepare for the future. It also meant that I was able to picture the family I now have, which really helped to take away some of the fear.

Please talk to your midwife about how you're feeling - she should be able to help by referring you to a specialist mental health midwife, and help you get counselling etc (if that's what you want). FWIW, my anxiety/depression got a lot better after 30 weeks - I think my hormones finally started to kick in, and now LO's here, I'm much better than I thought I'd be.

TheVampireEmpusa Thu 13-Oct-11 21:53:10

"she should be able to help by referring you to a specialist mental health midwife, and help you get counselling etc"

She's been really good, and I start counselling tomorrow. smile

TethHearseEnd Thu 13-Oct-11 22:37:00

I had antenatal depression, and my midwife arranged for a 4D scan on the NHS (am in London). This, along with counselling really, really helped.

Speak to your counsellor about it.

TheVampireEmpusa Fri 14-Oct-11 06:43:42

Thank you Tethers, that's good to know, I'll talk to my counsellor and my midwife about it.

Magnumwhite Fri 14-Oct-11 21:27:50

Hi Vampire, I also had hyperemesis 1st pregnancy - didn't feel connected to the baby at all, v down about the whole thing.
Finding out the sex of the baby really helped as i no longer talked about an 'it'

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