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Baby brains or in other words I stood up a friend and feel awful about it....

(18 Posts)
beatrice75 Tue 11-Oct-11 09:32:41

Is there really such thing as "baby brains"?
I was supposed to meet a good friend for dinner a few weeks ago. We were going to meet at 7.30 pm at Pizza Express like we usually do once every 2 months or so. Well, around 8 pm as I was putting the the dishes away after a normal night in with my family, I suddenly realised what I had done! You can't believe the horror of knowing I had just stood up one of my best friends! I reached for my mobile to call her then realised she is one of the few people in the world who does not carry a mobile....What to do? I phoned the restaurant and explained the situation but was told she had just left. So I took a deep breath and resolved to phoning her at home thinking that the restaurant was not far from where she lives and she should be home by then. I decided to tell her the truth, it would have been too vile of me to say that I had punctured a tyre or something. I rang and spoke to her husband who said that J was not home yet, she had walked to the restaurant so it would take her at least half an hour on foot to get back home...I could picture her furious and hungry walking back in the dark cursing away at me....
The following day I rang her an apologised profusely. I said I remembered one hour late, too late as it turned out, and I was so very sorry. She was very angry still. Then I went to her house and left a bottle of wine and a note to say sorry again outside her house. She emailed back to say thanks for the wine, full stop. Since then I have not heard from her again. I tried to email her and apologise again but she has not responded.
I am feeling awful about this and wonder if you think she's been a bit too harsh or if I totally deserve her wrath! Any thoughts would be greatly welcome!

LB1982 Tue 11-Oct-11 10:18:31

Oh yes indeedy - Baby Brain is a common phrase.

I think you have most definitely done all that you can do. If she continues to be angry with you, then there is not much else you can do.

If it was me, I would be angry but a bottle of wine would soon sort me out smile Everyone is different. Has she been pregnant herself and therefore does she having any understanding?

I read a really funny story (not sure if it was on here or not) about a woman who got on the train and left her dog in the car in the car park. She was so used to bundling the dog in the car but didn't give a second thought that about her journey on public transport. She had to ring her daughter who, thank goodness, had a spare key for the car!

I'm sure there are many many stories........

My brother asked me what I was going to do with the baby on his wedding day (next June) and my reponse was 'what baby!!??'. I know that's not standing up a friend but it had us laughing for ages!

RottenRow Tue 11-Oct-11 10:20:58

I think she should get over it!

beatrice75 Tue 11-Oct-11 10:27:25

She has two children of her own and was previously a midwife

TipOfTheSlung Tue 11-Oct-11 10:31:55

I'm sure she'll clam down. But be prepared for some ribbing for a long while

SenoritaViva Tue 11-Oct-11 10:32:20

I poured my soup onto a side plate the other day.

My brother says I speak at half speed and ever since DD1 I have failed to finish sentences regularly.

I do many more daft things. Your friend should understand that it was a genuine mistake and should get over it.

SjuperWereWolef Tue 11-Oct-11 10:34:30

i forgot the prime minister the other day - not his name, his title prime minister - and went ''you know the one, the manny who runs the country like the president but ours'' blush baby brain is well and truly real!

your friend needs to settle down a wee bit and give you some leeway <biased as im constantly being a 'crap friend' just now but am lucky enough to be forgiven>

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ Tue 11-Oct-11 12:03:14

Oh, I bet you feel really bad sad I would too. I think how you handled it was the right thing to do. Maybe she just needs a bit of time to calm down. Im sure she's not perfect.

sleepevader Tue 11-Oct-11 12:03:33

She needs to get over it! I arranged to meet a friend at home, I forgot, she laughed, she knows its not like me at all!

Hotpotpie Tue 11-Oct-11 12:20:30

Thats a shame, and seems a lot over the top especially after you leaving her a gift as well - perhaps there is a little more going on than you know - like something she wanted to talk to you about maybe?

HardCheese Tue 11-Oct-11 14:06:21

There's no scientific evidence whatsoever for 'baby brain' - the original study that appeared to demonstrate its existence was based on a tiny sample of women whose forgetfulness, IQ etc hadn't been tested before they were pregnant. Pregnant women sometimes overlook things because they're tired or have a lot on their minds - scans, complications, worries about the baby's development etc. And sometimes people are just forgetful, pregnant or not!

You've done everything you could to make up to your friend for the oversight, and I wouldn't flagellate myself any more about it - the ball's in her court.

phlossie Tue 11-Oct-11 16:00:34

Oh dear. I totally sympathise. I was supposed to be babysitting for my cousin the other day at about 7pm. I put the children to bed, changed in to pjs and did family stuff. At 9ish I looked at my phone and saw I had a text message from her and thought 'ooh, that's nice - maybe she wants to meet up.' It was at the point that I read the text saying 'what time are you coming round?' that I remembered. I felt awful and apologised profusely. Luckily she did forgive me, and I made it up to her.

You've done what you can - give her time to calm down, and then maybe book a new date for the two of you.

whackamole Tue 11-Oct-11 16:37:57

It doesn't matter if it was down to baby brain or just being a bit scatty that day for whatever reason. You forgot, you apologised.

I can understand her cutting you off like that if this is something you regularly do, or that you didn't apologise but you have and she knows you feel bad about it. She either is just genuinely too busy to speak to you or is making a huge deal of it.

feekerry Tue 11-Oct-11 17:17:18

Oh dear. Think she's being a bit harsh tho. These things happen. If it happened to me and one me my friends we'd just laugh it off. You've apologised. End of. And for what its worth I have major pregnancy fog. Left my coat on top of my car the other day and drove off wondering why everyone was tooting and flashing me

beatrice75 Tue 11-Oct-11 18:58:08

Feekerry you made me laugh! It reminded me of a friend of mine's who put his expensive smart phone on top of the car while refuelling and then drove off!!
About my friend, it's totally not like me to let anyone down and I've always arrived at our appointments on time, so I hope she forgives me :-(
I don' know if there's any scientific basis or not for baby brains but I am definitely more absent minded. This afternoon I did something stupid again, I turned up to my DS' parent's meeting whereas it is tomorrow!! It may be due to poor sleep as I am very restless during the night and have hardly had a good night sleep since week 4. Plus I think I generally have a lot on my mind. I think people who have not been pregnant for a long time forget what it's like...

PinkFondantFancy Tue 11-Oct-11 23:06:20

You've apologised, you bought her a present,the rest is up to her. Plus maybe she should get a mobile phone????

Africagirl1 Wed 12-Oct-11 07:54:07

And she could easily have called you from the restaurant to check if YOU were ok. you could have been in preterm labour or had some other kind of emergency you were dealing with....

kiki22 Wed 12-Oct-11 17:07:56

its her own fault for not having a mobile lol

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