Does anyone feel like they should apologise for being pregnant?

[MillyStar]

I'm one of those people who can't say no and who says sorry if someone else bumps into me!

Anyway i'm 13+4 days and i've just started telling people but i feel like i should apologise how pathetic is that!! I don't know why, i'm not married and i'm going to stay living at my parents for a while so mabye i feel bad that i'm not doing it 'properly'!

I know it's rediculous, has anyone else felt like this?

[Hotpotpie]

why are you saying sorry? I think Im being a bit thick here and not quite understanding your post!
Its been a funny feeling for me telling people, I get a bit embarrased and feeling like I should have told people sooner and that they are going to think im pathetic for getting pregnant even though it was planned and wanted is that somewhere near what you mean? or if that just me and my own brand of maddness

[MillyStar]

Yeah i think so, i dunno i just feel like i need to explain myself somehow and that people will think it's wrong i'm pregnant or something, i've not actually said i'm sorry to anyone! It's very hard to explain i do think it's similar to what you said x

[Hotpotpie]

its a strange time isnt it - wait till you start getting all the super ignorant 'was it planned' 'I never thought you would be a mum' 'god you dont want kids a night with mine will put you off' 'oh my god wait till the birth its awful' Im starting to wish Id never opened my mouth

[kiki22]

YES! we didn't plan pg had only been together 2 months and i felt the need to constantly explain myself

Infact just typing that makes me want to explain myself - we have known each other for 10 years had previously been together at 20 bt was to young and we decided to move in together before pg news not because of it and we both work so we can afford baby! Also felt the need to explain HOW i ended up pg DP was told he couldnt have kids naturally so didn't use anything always feel like i should hang my head in shame for some reason

It's terrible that a grown woman feels the need to explain herself but i feel like a teenager thats done something daft and trying to explain why to my mum!

[justhayley]

I know exactly what u mean! Im 12 weeks and havnt told anyone yet apart from DP of 7 years. It wasn't planned - DP has just joined Sandhurst to start his army career and the timing well is less than perfect. I'm so nervous about telling people, mine and his family will not be impressed as I'm not married, his mum doesn't like me and sees me as a distraction to him being in the army, and friends my closest friend is not maternal and can't understand why anyone would have a child under 35! I'm 27 - will be 28 when baby arrives, and even feel the nursing staff are slightly judging me. I look a fair bit younger- which iv always enjoyed iv already been explaining to medical staff that I'm not a super young mum, that Iv been in a solid relationship for 7 years, that my partners not at the appointment because he's at Sandhurst & that I work. I don't feel the need to apologise but I deff feel the need to explain my pregnany and even reasons for choosing to have my baby

The baby wasn't planned but is very much wanted. My DP is back for a few days on Thursday we've decided to tell everyone together over the weekend. I'm know the frosty reception I'm going to get off the people close to me and am spool nervous which is upsetting.

Hope your ok,
Just remember if and and ur boyf are happy then that's he main thing - forget what anyone thinks.....I'll also try remember my own advice lol

CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy I'm sure you will make a fab mummy xxxxx

[MillyStar]

JUSTHAYLEY try not to worry too much i was petrified of telling everyone and it's not been as bad as i thought, i've burst into tears at telling a few people because of the relief of letting it out after all this time, i deffo slept better last night!

I'm glad i'm not alone in feeling like this, i feel like i need to explain how it happened aswell as i was on the pill but not very well when i conceived!

[localcrackpot]

justhayley you know if you get married you get better quarters once he's comissioned? Just a thought :) you have Captain's quarters straight off & it's much cheaper than renting privately together.
Friends of ours were finally prompted to wed for this fairly unromantic reason! It sounds like a good community for child-rearing though, the wives' activities often centre round baby/child stuff.

[rabbitfeet]

I know what you mean - I'm also 13+4 and was worrying last night that I would have to take off my wedding ring because my fingers are getting fat, then would people judge me on the tube for being pregnant and unmarried?! It's ridiculous! Why do we care so much what judgemental people think of us anyway?!

Don't apologise to anyone and ignore their many, many opinions on all the ways you are wrong / will get parenting wrong / will be too fat / too thin / not eat enough / eat too much / start maternity leave too early / too late / work too hard / skive too much etc etc etc!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way!

[pregnantmimi]

not felt like this has anyone given you any reason to feel like this by what they have said to you?

[Beesok]

hahaha rabbitfeet that's exactly what I did a few weeks ago (am 39+2) and my rings were getting stuck so I haven't worn them in a while - hehehe the thought didn't even cross my mind! :) ego :)

OP I wouldn't put too much thought into what others think - judging from my own experiences and posts on MN the fun has just begun - you will get comments on everything throughout your pregnancy - don't you know you're public property now? ;) Practice ignoring it from early on :)

My husband once told me that the only sound advice he read in one of those "dumb" pregnancy for blokes books he read that pregnancy is not a birthday - people/friends will react in many ways to the news and not all them will be positive.

Congrats by the way and good luck!! :)

[boodleboot]

I totally agree. I am pregnant with an unplanned fourth....hold on that should say a surprise baby after three planned.....timing is shocking as dh and i have moved in with parents to save for deposit and altho a five bed large house its still not ideal also oiur youngest is only a year so the childcare will kill us and negate saving for at least two yrs unless i dont work which i just as financially bade blah blah blah....anyhoo i jhave felt need to apologise right from finding out and its been awwwwful.......sadly it looks like i am miscarrying the baby anyway and am feeling like having to apologise for that too!!!!!! Its shit.

[boodleboot]

Can i just add that i reaaalllly want this little baby regardless of the above.....xxxx

Good luck op. Shout it from the rooftops....youre gonna be a mummy and its absolutely amazing!!!!!! Xxx :)

[rabbitfeet]

Boodleboot I'm really sorry to hear that - But don't feel guilty about worrying about how you would cope with another baby, it's really fair enough!

Beesok - I have fat fingers at 13+5 so I now feel guilt and shame for having such coal-shovelling miner's hands! All that chocolate must have gone straight to my fingers - shame on me!

[whackamole]

I kind of know what you mean - I haven't apologised but I do know my mum was less than impressed with the timing. But too bad for her, my life and all that!

I felt a bit strange telling people at work, but they were all very congratulatory.

[Ahzrei]

I know exactly what you mean. I got pregnant during a fling that lasted about three weeks. I knew that I didn't want to turn it into a proper relationship, but I also knew that I didn't want to get rid of the baby so I had to tell the father both things at the same time, which was awkward to say the least.
I was really worried that everyone would judge me, especially as I go to church and am 30 years old! I felt like a teenager who should have known better. It didn't help that my colleagues at work at the time kept watching Jeremy Kyle in the office and saying things like "how stupid do you have to be to get pregnant accidentally?!" (Although they were really lovely when I finally told them that I was pregnant).
Apparently one or two people have made comments along those lines behind my back, but everyone else has been really great about it. I told one of my friends that I was nervous about telling people, because of being single and worried that people would judge me, but she said to just breeze past that detail. She was totally right. I've found that if I'm upfront but don't make a thing out of being single, the people I tell don't have a problem with it.

[notlettingthefearshow]

I felt the need to explain even though I'm in my thirties and married with a big house!

But what is there to explain? Anyone who has kids understands the desire. It's the ones who don't and have never wanted kids that are hard to explain to.

[MillyStar]

Ahhhhh I feel so much better thank you ladies ;-)