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Should be ten weeks on my wedding day, v nervous

(21 Posts)
VeronicaSpeedwell Tue 04-Oct-11 16:34:55

DP and I meant to start trying straight after, but through a single happy accident this is the result. The wedding itself is v small, quite hastily organised and informal, so my anxieties aren't to do with spoiling our 'big day' or anything like that, but the stress of going through these risky weeks at a time when I can't lie low. I have a messy gynae history and never expected to get pregnant instantly, and am absolutely terrified of miscarrying. I am having awful visions of it happening the week before, or on the day. I am a v private person and my fears are making me quite unhappy. I can't see any answer to making them go away. I know I'm very very lucky, and my DP is wonderful.I just feel like a rabbit in the headlights, with no control, only fears.

kat2504 Tue 04-Oct-11 16:37:55

Try not to worry too much and congratulations on your pregnancy. The odds are in your favour but I can understand you being worried about miscarriage during your wedding. Perhaps arranging a private early scan at 7 weeks would help with your nerves?

themightyskim Tue 04-Oct-11 16:40:44

I was just going to suggest the exact same thing but at 8 weeks lol, then you know where you are up to and can relax a bit and enjoy your day smile congratulations on such happy times

Oh and posting on here about your worries is also very useful

phlossie Tue 04-Oct-11 16:42:37

I was going to suggest that, though I'd leave it later - maybe literally the week before. I found scans very reasuring, but the fears creep back after a week or two.

Have you told everyone, or are you going to keep it secret at your wedding?

It's a scary time, the beginning of pregnancy. Good luck and congratulations!

VeronicaSpeedwell Tue 04-Oct-11 16:42:40

Thanks for the congratulations smile. An early scan might be a good idea. I've been trying to keep it low key, and have a 'wait and see' attitude, so wasn't have one initially. But if I can see a heartbeat before the wedding, or have an early tip off of problems, I might well feel less lost.

ktt5378 Tue 04-Oct-11 16:44:02

Well first of all congratulations smile
This is very easy for me to say as it is not my wedding but please try not to worry as it will only make you more stressed! A friend of mine got married when she was three months (totally unplanned) and another (also thought it would take a long time) found out on her honeymoon. I know it must be worrying but it sounds as if your wedding is very close and you have to hold onto the fact that even though you have a messy gynae history you have been very lucky and in getting pregnant so quickly! Try and relax, enjoy your day and get DP to help out as much as you can. I really hope everything works out OK x

VeronicaSpeedwell Tue 04-Oct-11 16:46:31

X-posts! I really want to keep it secret until after the wedding. I'm so glad I posted though, I feel better already. My DP's family are all staying the week before, so perhaps a scan a bit before they arrive. And yes, in essence these are the happiest of times. I think that's why the fragility of it all feels magnified.

themightyskim Tue 04-Oct-11 16:49:39

why dont you have a chat with your GP about the possibility of an early scan at your early pregnancy unit, I dont know how long your nerves can hold but my 9 week scan is lovely, it looks like a baby all curled up on the print with hands and feet clear to see and it was moving away too, really was a magic moment smile

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Tue 04-Oct-11 16:50:35

Can you ring the EPU at your local hospital to arrange an early scan? If you've a bad history then your consultant should be able to arrange this for you, just give their secretary a call.
Now, about the mental side of it I'm rather pragmatic I'm afraid.
There are things that happen in life that we have the power to change. Those are the things to worry about. There are things in life that happen that we can do absolutely nothing about. Those are the things that frustrate and upset us the most as our control is gone. Yet, worrying will do nothing to help. It will only make it worse.
Make sure that you're taking good care of yourself, taking your pregnancy vits etc, avoiding caffeine, alcohol and all the other obvious negative stuff. Try to sleep well, and keep your overall stress levels low. Call your consultant and have a chat and try to get an early scan.
This is from someone who's had 8 m/c's so I'm not being heartless. x

VeronicaSpeedwell Tue 04-Oct-11 17:02:02

I think I might feel selfish claiming EPU time as my GP reckons I should just be super vigilant, so I will probably stump up for a private scan. squishy, you are absolutely right, and that is supposed to be my philosophy also. I am so sorry for each and every one of your losses, how very sad. Your words humble me more knowing that. I think I've been bottling this up because I am quite ashamed of myself for not managing to be more rational when I am so blessed. Sometimes you just need a stern talk, though. I'm finding it quite lonely keeping this secret when everyone's excited about the wedding, but I really don't want to talk about it in 'real life'.

kat2504 Tue 04-Oct-11 18:09:27

Rational?! You are pregnant and you also have your wedding coming up! Surely no woman could remain rational with those two things going on? Pregnancy alone plays havoc with the rational mind.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Tue 04-Oct-11 18:21:22

I can understand you not wanting to talk about it. It seems more real then, and if the worse happens then you kind of have other people's feelings and their reactions to deal with as well as your own emotions etc.
Anyway, rational is overrated!
Oh and don't be daft! Why would you feel selfish??!! Give them a call!

Northernlurker Tue 04-Oct-11 18:25:19

If you are more comfortable with doing so then by all means pay for a scan. I don't think it's out of line though to have an NHS one when you have gynae history.

Either way get the scan and hopefully all will be fine and you'll see baby's heart beating which once seen, immediately raises the chances of a successful outcome to the pregnancy. Then you can enjoy your wedding, get your next scan and burst upon your no doubt delighted relatives with lovely news in a few weeks.

phlossie Tue 04-Oct-11 19:02:32

My 12 wk dating scan was at 10 weeks because I was on holiday at 12weeks. At your booking appointment with your midwife, explain that you are getting married, and they'll probably book your scan for before anyway. And I agree with the others - you're not out of line asking for it on the NHS, not at all.
I'm on the other side to squishy - I am on my third healthy pregnancy with no miscarriages or problems conceiving. I'm well aware of how blessed I've been, but it didn't (doesn't - I'm 21 weeks pg with DC3) stop me worrying. I had to give myself squishy's talking to on a daily basis in the early days!

pilotsprincess Tue 04-Oct-11 19:54:41

My wedding day was when I was 18 weeks! Im now 35.
Id had loads of problems around 14 wks and was so anxious something would go wrong around my wedding, my wedding was a big one too and had been planned for 18 months!
I decided to go for a private scan the week before, just to settle my nervous stomach, worked out well because the scan went well I really did relax and loved my wedding day. I didnt manage to eat much of my dinner due to heartburn though!!
I know nothing will really help you with your fears, just know though that it is normal to be worried and anxious and try to stop yourself from thinking negative thoughts and just focus on your wedding and your baby! Its really quite lovely and I feel lucky my little one was with us in her own way on my day, im always scanning my wedding album to see if I can see my bump on any pics!

LikeACandleButNotQuite Tue 04-Oct-11 21:25:28

I was 11 weeks to the day on my Wedding Day, and no-one knew except the Best Man and Maid of Honour, not even our parents. I was soo nervous in the weeks leading up to the big day for exactly the reasons you are, but felt that I was blessed to have fallen pregnant so quickly and combining two happy momentous occasions made each even more special.

It makes me smile looking at the photo of us cutting the cake where a little bump is peeking out, and a couple of shots taken of me and DH at a distance discussing what we called "dropping the B-Bomb"....people must have wondered why we were in such deep discussion!

As it was, I gave a speech after Dad, DH and Best Man and dropped the bombshell then...what a moment, even the wedding co-ordinator was crying!

I also worried wrt the scan as mine was scheduled for 2 weeks after the wedding. I considered getting an early scan in,. but them thought it might be harder if there was something wrong to know that on the least this way I may have a worry but was abole to justify that I was probably worrying over nothing.

Hope this helps!

Minus273 Wed 05-Oct-11 10:39:09

Congratulations. An early scan is good idea if you are nervous.

I was 18 weeks on my wedding day btw.

Allboxedin Wed 05-Oct-11 20:04:21

I was 13 weeks on my wedding day. The person in the wedding dress shop did a great job of covering me up and shaping the dress which was traditional A line for me. I had a few champagnes though not in huge amounts, nobody apart from my immediate family knew I was pregnant and the day went really well. I was really tired though by the end!

dreamfeeder Wed 05-Oct-11 20:43:29

I was 8 weeks on my wedding day, also worried about miscarrying on the day or on honeymoon- actually, I puked violebtly throughout and ended up at GP with intractable vominting on first day of my honeymoon!! It was wonderful though, noone but us and immediate family knew.

I think an 8 week sccan so you know from there chances of a viable, heallthy pregnancy would be about 90- 95%. I would find that v reassuring.

I was desperate for an 8 week scan this time, (i'm 12 weeks with DC 2) but DH put his foot down and refused to let me pay for me paranoia!! Got my scan tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy and wonderful wedding day!

redllamayellowllama Wed 05-Oct-11 20:47:53

I was also 12 weeks on my wedding day. I had early bleeding and lots and lots of scans in the weeks leading up to my wedding. In some ways, it wasn't such a bad thing as my mind was taken off each thing by the other, iykwim.

We announced my pregnancy at our wedding, to standing ovations and cheers and it was lovely.

I would absolutely recommend getting a private scan, to reassure yourself.

VeronicaSpeedwell Fri 07-Oct-11 16:43:37

Thanks so much to all of you, it makes me feel so much less lonely to hear all your stories. I haven't been able to post for the last couple of days as I had family staying and didn't want to get caught, but reading the responses has really cheered me up. Now that I have a licence to be irrational (grin) I am dealing with it all a bit better. I think we will go for the early scan, though it will have to be at 8 weeks I think, as the future in-laws descend from then.

redllamayellowllama, I know what you mean about the two things meaning you can't obsess about either one. I think my mum is wondering why I suddenly seem quite unbothered about much of the wedding.

My dress is extremely slinky. I fear that some massive Spanx might be required!

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