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scared to tell me old fashioned family

(17 Posts)
mumt1 Sat 01-Oct-11 09:02:03

So I'm 21, 10 weeks pregnant and already gt a 2 year old. My dad didn't talk to me the whole time I was pregnant. Iv been holding off telling them, and now my sister has just told them she's 4 weeks pregnant! So I'm pretty gutted, as I've not done ut yet, although I've been having complications, anyway my sister is 25 not married (I'm not) and she also has a 3yr old, but her baby will be with a different dad, anyway my dad has HIT the roof! He keeps telling me how dissapointed and discusted in her. Iv even considered just moving very far away so I don't have to tell them. I'm so scared...thinking of telling my mum today but I know she'll go mad to.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 01-Oct-11 16:45:06

I'm sorry to hear you're scared at a time when you should be happy. Are you still with the father of your first child? Do you live with him, or with your parents?

TryLikingClarity Sat 01-Oct-11 17:03:47

Basically you are an adult, and already a mum so you aren't clueless about how to parent.

That should go to show your dad (and mum) that they don't have to hit the roof.

It's sad that they hit the roof about your sister too sad

I'd say that you and she should buddy up, go through this together and support each other in a way that your parents don't seem to be doing.

addictediam Sat 01-Oct-11 17:52:22

Its sad that they react this way, and your so scared of talking to them.

focus on your family and forget them. be brave, tell them and say 'i hope you can be happy for us, were really excited.' and leave it at that. try not to have any nervousness in your voice and just come out with it, dont be timid.

you rule your life not them, you make your decisions not them. whats worked for them wont nececessarily work for you.

i come from a very stright background of no sex before marrage, so know where you are coming from.

have courage in your voice and dont let them put you down or 'hit ' the roof. what business is it of theirs? (apart from kids being their gc of course grin)

mumt1 Sat 01-Oct-11 18:53:39

Thankyou...I couldn't go through with it. Just wish I could talk to my mum,never been able to, not about periods when I was young or nothing, had to learn from school and when I first cum on was so confused on what to do. And felt so ashamed to tell my mum! Anyway...yes I live with my partner and we live together in rented accommodation,we are also planning to get married next year. I just scared itl be like when I was pregnant with my first. My mum came round, but my dad didn't till few weeks after he was born. He didn't even wish me merry xmas when I went to see my mum on xmas day. Just don't want it to be the same as he ruined it for me.

addictediam Sat 01-Oct-11 18:58:27

I'm so sorry, my grandparents were like this to my parents, so my um promiced never to be like this with us. although they bought us up with the same stright guidelines i had ad do still have a great relationship with my mum.

just remember how it makes you feel and dont make the same mistakes with your children.

you really do need to tell them soon tho, its better they hear it from you than someone else, you dont need their approval, or support you have dp for that. just tell them and then its done, they can choose to accept it or not. you've done nothing wrong.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 01-Oct-11 19:06:54

If you got married before giving birth, do you thnk that might mollify them somewhat? Or would there just be pointed comments about "shotgun weddings"?

justhayley Sat 01-Oct-11 20:32:28

Does your sister know your pregnant? you girls need to stick together, get her to come with you! I honestly don't think it will be as bad as ur first - u were younger & they probably thought u wouldn't manage etc, u obviously have & I'm sure uv shown them ur a great mum already. Take ur sister or / and your partner with you, hold hands and tell them with a Hugh smile even if ur slightly faking it!
I'm also 10 weeks and am crappy myself about telling my partners mum!! We've been together 7 years but she's not my biggest fan shall we say and is going to go nuts!! were going to wait till we have the 12 week scan pic and hit her with that .... Possibly literally lol.

Be strong, if u and ur partner are happy that's all that counts!

Oeisha Sat 01-Oct-11 21:01:10

You could try writing them a letter telling them, so if they do hit the roof, you won't be there until they have had a while to calm down. Write in the letter that you would love to have told them face to face but are worried their reactio will be negative and that you do not need that. It shoudl shame them into being rational. If not, well, you've told them, they're the jerks.

Be strong. If they start getting hostile, just walk away/put down the phone. They're being increadably thoughtless and childish.

I agree with telling your sister, you can give eachother a huge amount of support right now. Don't feel obliged to tell your parents before her, this is your baby, your body. If you parents had wanted to be the first to know, then it was up to them to build the relationship with you where you could have told them first.

mumt1 Sat 01-Oct-11 23:18:25

Thankyou again. Advice is helping a lot! I'm very distant from my sisters, we don't get on at all. Its just me rly. Like an outsider. Anyway.. I was thinking of waiting till 12 weeks like we did our first but wev already had 3 scans due to complications.and been told it looks fine. I don't get on with my partners family neither, I'm left out of everything and again is the major outsider. But I have no problem telling his mum, as I no she'll be fine. She actually wants us to have another! Wish my family was the same...I think what contributes to me feeling scared is that my mum keeps telling me I can't cope with one, as I said I was considering getting goldfish!! She said I cudnt cope with goldfish. I mean seriously!

themightyskim Sun 02-Oct-11 01:29:56

Wow mum1 no way in the course of our posting did I have you down as 21, you come across as very mature and level headed, not someone who cant cope like your mum suggests! all I can say is how bloody awful it must be to feel you cant tell your parents, and no matter what just because thats how they view the situation doesnt mean its true - you have a baby theres your proof you can do it, and if you and your partner are happy then thats all that matters, do it when your ready and then leave them to make the next move. OH's parents dont speak with us so im in a similar situation, they are getting told in a fortnight when I have my next scan then my general plan is to duck for cover lol good luck smile

mumt1 Sun 02-Oct-11 09:00:09

Lol yup, duck for cover sounds good!! Thankyou, yea I'm very mature for 21, dnt drink or smoke, and studying a paramedic course. I grew up a lot when I had my baby.

themightyskim Sun 02-Oct-11 09:20:44

then it sounds like your family need to start looking at that and revising their opinions, try and rise above it and enjoy your pregnancy

Mondayschild78 Sun 02-Oct-11 10:40:08

I don't really have any advice other than to say this is happy news for you so be strong in that knowledge and only tell them when it's the right time for you. Congratulations and good luck

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 02-Oct-11 10:48:21

Its none of your parents business if you have kids or not.

And they shouldnt try and spoil it either, a marriage certificate will not make you a better mum.

Your parents are a bit out of touch, I am no contact with my entire family for similar reasons. I feel happier now because I have lost that constant feeling that I am letting them down somehow or not coming up to scratch.

Congratulations on your pg though! enjoy it.

Tbh I think your parents need to look at their attitudes or they may find themselves very alone one day.

Don't let them put a dampener on your lovely news, and have a big fat congratulations from a cheese.

GreenandBlacksAddict Sun 09-Oct-11 17:20:01

After a bloody nightmare with inlaws during pregnancy with DS1 we decided not to see them again, we decided to build our own family instead. I was told at 38 weeks that my husband was only with me as I ws pregnant (happily married for 11 years so far) they wanted to move in with us and be supported by us when I was 6 months pregnant and that my husband only married me for my familys money ! Just because you are related to them does not give them the right to make you feel bad and have to put up with it, tell them to behave or push off !

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