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About to drop with DC2 and DS has entered terrible twos with a vengence. Really worried about how I'll cope, help!

(14 Posts)
feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 21:31:30

Have namechanged for this as it makes me highly recognisable!. Am a regular poster.
I'm nearly 37 weeks (planned, not sure if that's relevant?), DC2 will be here in 3 weeks max (ELCS). DS turns 2 in a couple of weeks. I have a very supportive DH, thankfully, who works normal hours mon-fri, will take a couple of weeks off once bubs has arrived then go back as normal. DS will carry on his 3 days at nursery where he is settled and seems happy.

DS is a gorgoeous little boy but has always been very very feisty. He's been on the move from a very early age, and needs watching all the time as he has no sense of caution or common sense (I know he's too young for this!). He has no fear, for example he will go to jump off a high climbing frame assuming he'll be fine, that type of thing. He's a big "climber" (as was his dad, apparantly!), so I can't leave him alone in the home for long at all as he will get himself into a situation he shouldn't be. We've childproofed as much as is possible, but short of clearing everything out that's above floor height, we've gone as far as we can!

He started having tantrums a short while ago, and these have become more frequent, and can last for a surprisingly long time. He is very single minded and wants to get his hands on everything he shouldn't. We have limited space / storage at home so there are inevitably things left out that he can see, but that will be out of reach, that he decides that he wants. For example, he loves jars and tubes of stuff, so if he sees a tube of toothpaste, he wants it and gos balistic if we won't give it to him. If we do, he'll squirt it everywhere! We pick our battles, and he gets his hands on a fair bit of stuff we rather he didn't, but obviously we can only give him so much. He's not easy to kid either, so handing "dummy" stuff over doesn't work!

f we're out, in the park for example, he'll go mental if he can't play with another childs scooter or trike that you always see hanging around, and it takes him a long time to calm down.

Even basic things like changing his nappy can be really really hard.
I distract to the nth degree. At times it works, but it's getting less effective. I have found myself shouting at him recently, just because I don;t feel well and I'm at the end of my rag. I feel absolutely awful when I do this and I know full well it's pointless and bad but it's just been an automatic reaction.

His speech has been quite slow to come along so there's probably an element of frustration there on his part. He understands a lot, and I'm not concerned, but it certainly won't help.

So I'm now wondering how the hell I'm going to cope with DS and a newborn who'll need feeding for 45mins, changing 10 times a day etc etc. We don't have a garden so if there are days I can't get out it's going to be a nightmare. I completely adore DS and I don;t want my relationship with him to get any harder. I am already very sad and worried about how he's going to react at another baby coming along, and his recent beheviour is just getting me even more stressed.


feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 21:48:36


exoticfruits Thu 29-Sep-11 21:53:10

Have you got any help during the day?

feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 22:05:57

DM and MIL are about an hour away. I know they are planning on spending time here once the baby is born but I wouldn't want it to be a long-term regular thing I don't think. I'm pretty private, which probably sounds totally ridiculous, so would struggle with having them here lots. Also they have their own lives (and my mum can't get here alone anyway).I've got friends around but they all have small children of their own and most have gone back to work at least part time. I'm not without support and am probably luckier than most.

griphook Thu 29-Sep-11 22:14:22

i couldn't read your whole post as it sent me into a slight panic. will be in exactly the same position as you soon and I think I am in denial about how I will cope. will be watching this thread for ideas... but at the moment I've bulk brought so velco to keep him sat down. grin

feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 22:19:42

Oh, if only we could just pop them in a cage for a few hours a day.......!!!!!

exoticfruits Thu 29-Sep-11 22:20:19

I bumped it up -I think that you need suggestions. Generally I would weigh in with something but it is a tricky one-I will give it more thought. I think you will have to use as much help as possible until you get into some routines.

feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 22:28:52

exotic I think you're right. I'm going to find it really hard to have family here regularly but I need to get over that. DS adores his grannies which is great, so they're going to be invaulable. I've just sorted a cleaner after meaning to do it for ages so that's one less thing to worry about!
An additional worry is the ELCS - I'm not going to be able to pick DS up very much and he's not the gentlest of children so I can see lots of episodes when I'll get booted in the stomach (not maliciously at all or course).

exoticfruits Thu 29-Sep-11 22:40:55

I think that, unfortunately, there are no magic answers! You are thinking it all out in advance-you may find that it is much better when it actually happens. Hopefully someone will come along with good advice soon. Good luck.

DoTheStrand Thu 29-Sep-11 22:47:10

We will be going through this in the new year with a DS1 who sounds very like yours (though will be 6 months older) so awaiting responses with interest.

I would say though that I am looking at getting someone in (if I can) for say an hour/90 minutes each weekday morning to help with getting everyone ready and getting DS1 ready for his nursery (my DS goes for mornings only as I am self employed, so even though I won't be working for a few months, money-permitting I am going to keep him in there to prevent too much post-baby upheaval). I reckon that if I at least start the day relatively unfrazzled then it will make everything else easier. I am considering asking one of the women from his nursery if they want some extra work, as DS1 knows them and they could then take him in too. Maybe someone at your nursery would be interested in a similar arrangement for you?

I really feel for you with the not feeling well and shouting, I have done the same. And everything takes even longer when you are pregnant and tired. I am definitely trying to be stricter on the endless procrastination DS1 indulges in though, as once DS2 is here there just won't be time for it.

The other thing I would suggest is that on the days your DS isn't at nursery, arrange lots of meet ups with other mums, at least then one of them can watch the baby if you need to stop DS jumping off something from a great height! When some of my friends have brought their two DC round, everyone is desperate to cuddle the baby (which also means the mum can focus on the older one for a bit).

You say you don't have much storage but are there any bits you could box up and put in a friend's garage for a few months until things get calmer and more manageable (obviously you can't do that with the toothpaste!). I have a rather minimalist house since DS1 became mobile but it does mean that once the kitchen toddler gate is shut he can have reasonable free rein to rush about downstairs without breaking something or coming to harm (also it makes the house much easier to clean smile )

feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 22:58:18

Hello dothestrand! Good ideas there. I'm lucky in that DH gets DS ready for nursery (it was the only way I could get him there and then get myself to work on time before I went on mat leave) so that will continue.
We had a clear out at the weekend so we have less "stuff" around than we had, but it's everyday detrititus that we can't really get rid of that is usually the issue. We need to be more strict with ourselves putting stuff in cupboards. DH's shaver is a massive sticking point as DS is obsessed with it and DH always forgets to put the bloody thing in a drawer. Once DS sees it, all hell breaks loose!!!! But then it's simple things like my car keys that I need to keep hold of so I can actually drive the car. Or not letting him have a third banana! It's so hard to be minimalist in a very small place, We will move next year but until then we really are limited.

DoTheStrand Thu 29-Sep-11 23:03:52

I think our DSs must be related, we also have the shaver and extra banana obsessions. And the car keys. We did buy him some toy keys which he hurries off and looks for before we go out, then one of us stands behind him pressing the buttons on our keys just when he does so he thinks he is opening the car doors. I suspect from your description of your DS though that he wouldn't fall for that smile

feelingratheroverwhelmed Thu 29-Sep-11 23:12:27

We have toy keys, and no, it doesn't cut it! Some of the thing he wants to get his hands on seem so random. We have a house full of toys and he just wants all the stuff he can't have, why?!

dribbleface Fri 30-Sep-11 07:31:40

feeling your pain. am due in 4 days and DS has turned into horror! although he is older than your's at 3. only advice i can offer, given that I'm clueless myself is to grab some wicker baskets and put stuff he can't have out of sight on shelves. but keep one and fill it with safe household stuff, pots, wooden spoons, digital egg times etc. then let him have it when your occupied. should keep him quiet. the other thing I'll be doing is getting myself and DS washed and dressed before Dh leaves in the morning, i know some people are happy to plod around in pj's but it stresses me out. also I'm ashamed to say I've been actively encouraging ds's love of fireman Sam dvd's as it gives me half hours peace! good luck!

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