What not to say to a pregnant woman(106 Posts)
No doubt this sort of thread has been done before but I'm 33 weeks pregnant with third DC and still amazed at what people feel they can say to you when you are expecting - some if it really quite rude and at times upsetting!
So - what are the worst things someone has said to you when pregnant? How about a top ten things of NOT to say...
e.g. last night 'if you're that size now imagine what you're going to be when the time comes...' (i'm really not that big, this was from a female neighbour who I know as a neighbour rather than a good friend).
Some ideas of cutting responses would also be great!
Was my least favourite question - no, I used to say, just one very big baby and alot of lard...
My stock response was "I've got a 7-month (or whatever) baby in here. What's your excuse?"
Not so much a what not to say, but a what not to do... Please do not touch my frigging bump, especially with out asking.
Girl at work told me that "I didn't look that fat from behind". I'm guessing she meant to say preggers but fat came out instead!!
My bump is totally out front so I don't actually look too pregnant from behind but still!!
As for cutting responses, def could do with a few stock answers. My tried and trusted "F Off" clearly isn't cutting it anymore.
I'm laughing now, I wasn't last night and I'm sure none of you were at the time!
At about 18 weeks a friend who I hadn't seen for quite a while put her hand on my bump as she said 'ooh look at the state of you already...'
This is my third, and was a suprise pregnancy - have two DSs 4 years old and 18 months so it's taken some getting used to - so to keep hearing again and again things along the lines of 'you're brave'; 'you'll have your hands full' etc etc is not at all helpful!
These haven't all been said to me, but I have heard stories of people being asked the following...
1. Do you know who the father is?
2. Bloody hell, how many babies have you got in there?
3. Are you going to give up your career? (the career that I love and have spent 15 years building up? No way!!)
4. Oh my friend/niece/daughter had a terrible time giving birth - insert some heartbreaking story in minute detail - I'm sure you'll be fine though!
5. People are starting their families at such an old age these days - lets hope you won't be mistaken for grandparents.
6. It's difficult to see the bump on fat people like you - my bump was just like a football.
7. That's a big bump - you'll end up with a bucket fanny when that baby comes out.
8. Was it conceived naturally?
9. Oh, I didn't think we'd ever get grandchildren out of you!
10. So are you going to get married then, otherwise we'll be illegitimate grandparents?
When telling my DH's grandmother we got, with pointing/jabbing action, 'HER, what she's PREGNANT?' I really wanted to reply 'no he got some slapper pregnant'
your pregnant again.. 3rd pregnancy (2nd was mc) by someone who has brothers younger than me and already have 2 children grr
'My friend/sister/niece/colleague delivered baby recently and it was a horrible delivery that lasted 3 weeks, let me give you all the horrendous details because that's exactly what you want to hear when you're about to go through the same.'
1. Are you sure there's only one in there?
2. Have you had it yet?
3. When are you going to stop having kids?
4. Maybe you should get sterilised after this one.
5. I can't believe you're having another baby with her (MIL response to DS when he told her DC3 was on the way) we've been together for 14 years and married for nearly 9!
I hate it when people touch my bump. I'm a very private person anyway, and feel like it's an invasion. My my mum did it the other day and had to jump out the way <sorry mum> I thought she knew me better <sigh>
"Was it planned?" - WTF has that got to do with you?
"I bet you want a girl" - just because I already had a ds
"God you are ENORMOUS!" - I fucking know, I'm carrying an 8lb baby boy!!!
and the best one?
"haven't you had it yet?" - 2 weeks after I'd given birth!!!
Supermarket teller gaffe 1. Oh how lovely, a Christmas baby. No, actually an Easter one...
Supermarket teller gaffe 2. Oh, not ling to go now. Yes, actually five months. Oh dear its just you're looking so tired! As eyes giant fat tummy. Great, so I'm a bloater and I look like shit too!
Ex boss rudeness: oh you're having another girl then? How disappointing for you. Er, no, not really!
"oh it looks like your bump has shrunk" said to me (whose DS was a 2lb baby due to placental issues and spent 4 months in the neonatal intensive care unit) by someone who i'd told the hideous story to with full details 2 months earlier....
i tried not to slap her/cry/shout/attempt GBH and just said "you do KNOW what happened with DS?"
reply "oh yes but i think your bump has definitely got smaller"
<hawthers just gives up>
'ooh, my friend's neighbour's cousin's colleague had a baby and they had to do ...... to get it out and .....' insert gory details of birth trauma and effects on child...
And more recently, but repeatedly "my friend had twins and she put them on the bed and one rolled off and broke its neck and died"
Me: "yes, you've told me that one before. Repeatedly. And it was forty years ago."
'Well I know, but it's still horrible!'
And other people with similar stories of young children dying horribly.
A customer in my shop came in the day after I told him I was expecting and he had a list of potential complications of pregnancy and birth, he then went on to tell me how his sister died in pregnancy because her blood pressure was too high (I did feel really sorry for him) but I don't think he should have told me.
I had a dream last night that a girl I knew when I was younger started touching my belly and asked all her friends to do it too, then went down to the school principal to complain (I am 27, we didn't go to the same school) I really will crack if anyone puts their hands on me (unless they are medical proffesionals) it really is so rude and imo violating. I woke up really upset and in a bad mood!
A single male work colleague asked me when I was pregnant with my first
"Are you going to get married before the baby arrives? You don't want to spawn a Bastard!"
My other colleagues gasped in shock and I just said it was too late for that!!!!
(Had been together with my partner for over 8 years at the time!)
5 years later and I'm expecting again. Don't think he dared say anything this time!!
I had a text a few weeks ago from a mate....or should I say 'mate'!
It said, 'How's fatty?'
10 mins later she sent another saying, 'I'm talking about you by the way'.
What a twat. How I'm rubbing my hands in glee waiting for the moment she says she's expecting.
'When are you due?'
Said to me three months post-partum
'I'm sorry, you can't take this medication when you're pregnant'
Said to me six months post-partum
Nothing I heard during pregnancy was as bad as what I heard after!
I actually got "Have you had your baby yet?" with six weeks still to go. (No, no I haven't, and I've got six weeks of getting bigger to go!)
Are you sure there's just one in there? (seems to be a standard though!)
You'll be hoping it's not ginger! (I'm auburn, DH strawberry blonde and my dad was properly belisha beacon ginger his entire life)
I can't believe how much you've grown (in three weeks, my response "Yes, that does tend to happen when someone is growing a baby")
You look knackered! (I wont bother trying to make an effort then)
It looks like a squid/alien/tentacly mess. (looking at the ultrasound. Now personally I wasn't too bothered by this one but I can see that some of my friends would be if it was their PFB we were looking at)
"Can't you just breathe in a bit"
It's like walking behind Qeen Victoria"
How about SIL flaunting her recent perfect drug-free waterbirth and making me feel like a failure because I had two emergency caesareans, a ventouse, and have a planned c-section for next March?
'Never mind, I'm sure that, looking back, you wouldn't have wanted to give up like that! Now you're going to miss out! Elective c-sections are so clinical!' she trilled.
I'd have punched her if she hadn't been holding my beautiful new niece. Would love the opportunity to point out that all my babies were 9 pounds, backache labours, I am 5 feet tall and small-built, and her baby was 6 pounds 3 so prob easier to get out... Not sure why I care so much?!
Oh yeah, I staggered out of the loo at work one morning, red of eye and green of face, a pregnant colleague tripped up to me and twittered that she was never sick, and had felt wonderful throughout. Boot.
My due date is 21st December and my DH said this to me the other night
"oh, we better get some formula in before christmas just in case you can't feed the baby".
Am uber-sensitive about not being able to breastfeed, really, really want to be successful at it and I just saw red. Cue massive argument and him storming off to bed. All blown over now but doubt he'll bring up feeding the baby again in a hurry.
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