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Everything seems to be happening at once and something's got to give.

(9 Posts)
openerofjars Sun 25-Sep-11 20:26:44

After a year of trying for DC2 (DS is nearly 3), I am now 5 weeks pregnant. Crikey. However, this is the year I decided to start my Masters degree and the paperwork has come through now and the funding (by my workplace) has been agreed.

In addition, I just took on extra responsibilities at work at a time when everything we do has just been reshuffled. I had to in order to keep my job prospects alive.

Look, I had given up hope of conceiving and this very wanted baby has come as a very nice surprise, really. I honestly do know how babies are made, but it had appeared that it wasn't going to happen again for us.

I didn't get very bad morning sickness last time but I did get SPD later on.

Anyway, my appraisal is next week: do I tell my line manager this early on and ditch the course as well? I really don't think I can hack the job, the course, the toddler and the baby all at the same time.

Also, the house is on the market.

Ideas?

Northey Sun 25-Sep-11 20:48:37

Drop the course. Ask work and the University of you can hold over your funding and place for a year, and then reassess next year whether you still want to do it.

saoirse86 Sun 25-Sep-11 20:48:40

In terms of work, are you worried about the stress, is it physically demanding (so you're thinking about your spd) or are you more concerned about disappointing your employers? If it's the stress, then maybe just see how things go for now. I personally wouldn't ask to have any less responsibility when it might not actually be as hard as you think, or risk being let go. If it's physically demanding, your managers are obliged to give you work that you're able to do. If it's that you're worried about disappointing them, don't worry! It's difficult to say whether to tell them or not, it depends how you think they'll take it and whether you actually want to tell them.

In terms of your masters, do you know when you'll be finished and is that when you're heavily pregnant or when the baby will be very small? If you'll be heavily pregnant, maybe think about finishing work earlier to give you time to do more uni stuff towards the end. I personally would find it easier when heavily pregnant than with 2 children but everyone's different. If the baby will be very small, maybe put it off until you can deal with it better.
I'm doing an OU degree and had exams scheduled 2.5 weeks after dd was due. DD came on her due date so I decided to postpone the exams as she wasn't sleeping at all really and I was too exhausted to do them. I ended up doing them when she was 7 months and it was hard even then, but at least I had family who could take her so I had time to study. Have you got family or fiends who could support you and take your child(ren) for a while to give you chance to study?

With the house sale, anything could happen, you'll just have to wait and see really. If you found the right place soon and got a buyer too it might be easier to do move sooner rather than later. But it might not work out like that and you might be happier waiting another year or so.

Good luck with it all! smile

Northey Sun 25-Sep-11 20:49:53

You can't drop the toddler or the baby, and your job keeps you fed and clothed and housed, so you can't drop that, either. So it has to be the course.

themightyskim Sun 25-Sep-11 21:31:58

there is always deferment, you have a right to ask, depending on whether you want to pick things back up in 12 months or so perhaps thats a different compromise for you

openerofjars Tue 27-Sep-11 21:30:58

Thank you all for your input. It really helped me to look at the options and, given that my previous pregnancy was pretty straightforward, I'm going to give the course my all and try to front load the assignments. I didn't get wicked bad morning sickness last time so I'm hoping it'll be the same this time, and I may be able to postpone the final exam in September.

Remembering what life was like when my son was a tiny baby, there is no way that it can be easier having two children than one and a bump and trying to study at the same time. At least the one that is currently the size of a sesame seed won't need its nappy changing until it's eight months older. And it's pretty much self feeding until then as well.

If anyone wants me, I'll be in the student parents section, howling...

saoirse86 Wed 28-Sep-11 10:14:08

Good luck. It's going to be tough going but once it's done, it's done! and if you find it too much, what's the worst that can happen, you have to drop it and start again later.

You'll be great!

getagoldtoof Wed 28-Sep-11 11:16:07

FWIW I fell pregnant while doing my masters (1st child). I was on full time placement for uni, completing all assignments (to a high standard), and working full time hours in a paid job out of office hours managing a large team. I have never felt so stretched, and never been so proud of myself.

I have just begun my 2nd yr, and am waiting for baby (2 days past edd). I hope to complete my 2nd yr including a dissertation by June - then take a break!

I think what I'm saying is that anything is possible. Prioritise what goes first if it all gets too much, make sure you eat and sleep enough, and above all - you will have to be more organised than anyone else untie entire world. I was allocating hourly slots for baths, studying, work and placement. Wasn't much fun to be honest, but has kept me going.

Good luck!

openerofjars Wed 28-Sep-11 21:56:51

Thanks! I can do organisation as long as I'm allowed the odd panic and fit of hysterical weeping along the way.

grin

It's not really sinking in yet, to be honest: I keep having to remind myself not to cane the coffee at work.

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