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Not quite divorced...

(7 Posts)
bronzekitten Thu 22-Sep-11 03:20:36

I separated from my husband 15 months ago and did not fuss over the divorce. We have stayed friends until now and I was just going to sort the paperwork out next June on grounds of separation. (Much cheaper!) I have recently found out I am pregnant (9 1/2 weeks!) by my new boyfriend and I don't know where this leaves me legally or how to break the news to my ex. Please help!? I have no children with my husband and there are no assets to divide I was just waiting becuase I don't have hundreds of pounds to spend getting divorced (especially not now I'm expecting).

Daisybell1 Thu 22-Sep-11 04:25:50


You can get copies of the divorce forms and guidance notes from the Courts website. I think that in the paperwork you have to declare if there are any children from the marriage, or any not from the marriage, if that makes sense.

So your ex would find out this way at the very least. If you have a good, or at least civil relationship with him then i'd tell him before he sees it in the paperwork because, as you say, an amicable split is worth its weight in gold. My ex and I achieved something similar - divided our assets between us, and then drew up the consent order to say there was nothing to share. I handled the paperwork myself and found it gave me closure. The clerks at my local court were very helpful in checking the forms and giving basic advice, all for free. But if you're worried about anything then you should see a solicitor. Good luck!

bronzekitten Fri 23-Sep-11 15:23:09

Thanks for that. The only thing is how to I initiate the divorce when I don't have any grounds? We haven't been separated long enough to use that yet (as I originally intended). Or do I suggest he divorce me? Can it be classed as adultery as I am pregnant by someone else? confused

Daisybell1 Sat 24-Sep-11 11:20:02

Hmmm, i'm not sure if it counts as adultery if your new relationship only started after you separated. However, if you both decide that you want to bring forward proceedings then there are the grounds of unreasonable behavior. May be worth investigating...

If it helps, I don't think the grounds have to be particularly extreme, and in my experience the courts are very unwilling to question closely/interfere if both parties are in agreement.

Some solicitors will do free initial appointments where you can ask basic questions, or the CAB may be able to advise.

Does this help?

sleepevader Sat 24-Sep-11 15:13:29

My dp wanted a divorce. Ex wouldn't agree to unreasonable behaviour. So he cited adultery. She had had child with another man since seperation. She couldn't dispute this without saying the baby was dp which he wasn't.

I suggest you speak to ex. Ask him what he wants to do. Wait til 2 years for divorce or divorce you for unreasonable behaviour or adultery.

The child will need to be named on divorce papers with a note saying no financial arrangements made as not ex partners.

Good luck

Merlioness Tue 27-Sep-11 09:13:19

Discuss this with him. You can divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. This can be anything, as it is what either of you find unreasonable IYKWIM?
It doesn't matter who files and as long as the other side agrees this won't be taking long, or costing much money, especially if there is nothing to divide.

Actually, you can't useadultery, but your husband can file this, as you are basically saying the marriage has irretrievably broken down, which is what the divorce is about. You having a child with your new BF makes that kinda clear in my eyes?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Mmmmcheese Tue 27-Sep-11 09:20:17

Surely it makes no difference whether you're separated or not for it to be classed as adultery i.e. you're still legally married so having a relationship with another man is technically adultery. I would have thought this would be the easiest way to go. Hopefully you can stay amicable through this and he will co-operate fully. But I think the best thing to do is be totally open and honest with him - he is then more likely to co-operate.

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