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Feel sad - DH seems to have withdrawn physical affection now I'm pregnant

(10 Posts)
LoveInAColdClimate Wed 21-Sep-11 22:16:55

I'm 15 weeks pregnant tomorrow and DH has stopped touching me. We always used to be quite a physically connected couple, but in the last few months he's basically stopped touching me at all. I just begged (blush) him for a cuddle and he reluctantly gave me one, but I don't want to have to beg for reluctant contact. He says it's fine becuase he hugs me in my sleep but I'm asleep FFS and can't really appreciate it. I can't remember the last time we had sex - I'm still tired so go to bed earlier than him. I've asked him to come for an early night too a hundred times but he won't. He says he's not revolted by my bump or anything but I feel awful about the fact that he won't come near me. Anyone else had this? I feel so lonely and really want some physical contact. I nearly booked a massage the other day just so someone would touch me. WWYD? Thanks.

Crosshair Wed 21-Sep-11 22:22:18

I would talk to him again and explain how its making you feel.

Sorelip Wed 21-Sep-11 22:28:34

I agree with Crosshair, you need to speak to him and calmly explain how his lack of physical affection makes you feel. I hope he opens up, and lets you know what his problem is.

Catsycat Wed 21-Sep-11 22:30:09

Oh, that's very sad Love, I'm sorry you're feeling like that. Is there a chance he is afraid of hurting the baby if you have sex, and that this has just drifted into general physical distance? Is he now seeing you as the mother of his children, rather than his lover? I think all you can do is talk it over with him calmly (again) and try to find out his reasons, reassure him if needed, etc. Hard to guess what could be going through his head.

I've been married to DH for 15 years, we have two pre-school children. TBH, we have always had a good physical relationship, but it does sometimes cool a bit, then at other times, we can't keep our hands off each other. Not for any bad reasons, just sometimes one or both of us is busy, or stressed, or has been ill, or we've got out of the habit of being physical. It always comes back though, so I hope it does for you too.

Northey Thu 22-Sep-11 05:32:10

LIACC, the massage bit sounds so heartbroken that I practically want to find you and snuggle you myself. You poor thing.

I've had a problem with my partner not being very supportive through a current scare I'm having about an empty scan/MMC/ectopic pregnancy question. He works away in the week, but whenever we phoned he just burbled on about work and what he'd been up to and never once asked how I was physically ad emotionally, or what was happening next with doctors and hospital etc. In the end I had to engineer a huge row over it. It seemed the only way to let him see how really really upset and lonely it was making me. I can see he's making an effort now, though in my selfish and needy way I don't want it to be an effort fr him, I want it to be a natural thing for him to be concerned for me and want to comfort me. But there you go. Have you tried full on anger and tears at your DH?

LoveInAColdClimate Thu 22-Sep-11 11:24:10

Thanks, all. Just seeing this written down has made me realise just how not ok this is. I will have a Proper Talk with DH about how awful it's making me feel. Thank you.

bumbums Thu 22-Sep-11 11:30:58

My dh sounds just like yours only it started when i was pregnant with DC1 and now DC2 is 2 and a half he's still not got back into the touching thing. I don't pretend to understand it but it is very hurtful. Tell your dh that he must try harder cos things are only going to change more the bigger you get and also of course when baby arrives. Emphasise how important physical contact is to you and how you feel that it shows you that your loved.
I'm booking relate councelling with my dh so we can fix our intimacy issue.

LouisaJF Thu 22-Sep-11 11:49:52

My DH has put me on a sex ban until after the 12 week scan as he is quite a bit heavier than me, and is terrified of squashing baby. I have tried to reassure him on this but he says it would always be in his mind. However, he hasn't withdrawn all affection, and has at least shared his concerns with me. I think you really need to talk to hubby and get to the bottom of what is bothering him.

HereIGo Thu 22-Sep-11 11:53:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2be79 Thu 22-Sep-11 18:56:48

He's probably scared. My DH won't touch my tummy at all!!!

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