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Some advice from you lovely pregnant ladies

(24 Posts)
Whysoserious Mon 19-Sep-11 07:44:16

Hi ladies

First of all, I'm really sorry for posting in Pregnancy when I'm not actually pregnant. I'm looking for some advice/wise words/a slap around the face with a wet fish and I know you ladies have, well, managed to get pregnant.

I have just failed at my first month TTC - AF got me unexpectedly yesterday morning. I know it's only my first month and I would have been EXTREMELY lucky to fall pregnant during the first cycle, but I am really worried because we SWI loads. We did it every day for a space of a week and a half over my supposed fertile time (indicated by my Pink Pad app).

My question is - did any of you fail to get pregnant some months that you did A LOT of SWI before you went on to get pregnant?

I'd be really grateful for your experiences as feel a bit flat and need to cheer up. Thanks all :-)

Iggly Mon 19-Sep-11 07:50:46


<puts science hat on> it isnt actually that easy to get pregnant when you look at the factors involved. Your egg only hangs around for 24-48 hours when it is released. Plus sometimes even if the egg is fertilised, it might not implant hence no pregnancy. Just one of those things. Also how did you determine your fertile time? Best thing is to monitor cervical mucus and if you want to get really into it, chart your basal body temp too. I found checking mucus (TMI, but hey!) was enough.

Also if you came off the pill or other contraceptive you might not have even ovulated anyway - all normal.

So try and relax - have fun for a couple of months (hard, I know I've been there) then get serious if you must grin

iWILLdothis Mon 19-Sep-11 11:52:13

Agree that checking your CM is the best way to gauge fertile times.
Thick & creamy = unlikely to be fertile
Clear and stretchy (like egg white) = highly fertile
Also, they say that a lot of SWI means DH's sperm won't have time to renew/regenerate (what's the right term here!?) itself fully, so that's why they suggest every 2nd day instead so there's a higher sperm count....hope that makes sense, I'm sure someone else could explain it better.
Good luck!

ToriaPumpkinPasty Mon 19-Sep-11 11:56:00

I've also read, though have no idea how accurate this is, that it takes an average of five meetings of sperm and egg to actually conceive and implant a baby. Hence why the average is six months to a year.

I know, based on temp charting and CM analysing that we must have hit my fertile time at least five months out of the seven we didn't conceive, in just the same way we hit it the month we did. We did nothing differently that month, it just worked. Nature is weird that way!

Good luck!

iWILLdothis Mon 19-Sep-11 11:56:04

PS. Treat yourself to something nice each month you're it chocolate, a nice meal out with DH/friends, a trip to the spa....or whatever your budget allows. This helped me cope with month after month (after month after month after month after month after month...................) of disappointment.

BedHog Mon 19-Sep-11 11:58:54

I'd suggest having sex every other day for the whole month (except the messy bit obv) rather than every day in the supposed 'fertile period'. Some people ovulate at different times in their cycles.

It's never taken me more than 3 cycles to get pregnant using this method. smile

Gemstar28 Mon 19-Sep-11 12:03:49

My hubby and I tried on and off for 4 years. Several months spent doing it every day for 2 weeks around fertile time. We were about to visit the Drs when we bought clearblue fertilitly monitor (about £100) I started using and on the day it said was most fertile we had sex twice. Other than that we never had sex at any other point for about 3 weeks before or after.

I'm now 30 pg with our 1st bub. So I recommend buying the fertility monitor and only doing it once smile

ShowOfHands Mon 19-Sep-11 12:06:41

If you have sex at exactly the right time, both partners 100% fit and well, all conditions optimum, your chances of conception are never more than 25%. You're playing against greater odds than you'd think. Lots of sex won't change the odds. Timing sex might help a wee bit but generally sex every other day or 2-3 days is enough and it will take a few months to a year as a rule.

Ziggimajiggi Mon 19-Sep-11 12:25:04

I don't know if this will help, but DH and I bought the wonderful book Taking charge of your fertility. Following the advice we conceived the first cycle after trying (at random frankly) for about a year - it contains a lot of the advice already given here though smile

Whysoserious Mon 19-Sep-11 15:35:41

Thanks for all your advice everyone. I realise now I've started on what could be a very long journey and nothing can be taken for granted.

Honestly, all those years I tried not to get pregnant! And now I'm desperate to. How ironic wink

Thanks again all, some great advice which I will follow. Good luck with all your pregnancies grin

HotPinkGingham Mon 19-Sep-11 15:48:12

Pace yourself Whysoserious.

It takes the average couple 12 months (apparently) and it took us almost 18 months to get a BFP with our current pregnancy. Like another poster, the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor is what seemed to do the trick eventually, but you are so early in the game it seems a shame to spend the money (the monitor and one month of sticks is about £100) and put so much pressure on yourself so soon.

Give yourself six months perhaps and just enjoy SWI! Making it all about conception can really take the fun out of things (esp. for the male contingent, believe me).

You'll find a lot of info and support over on the conception boards (although expect a wet fish slap or two from some of the veterans for worrying after one month TTC grin)

Flisspaps Mon 19-Sep-11 15:58:37

Bin the App until you've been trying for a few months.

Enjoy yourself. Don't make sex ALL about conception - if you miss the 'window' for one month, so be it.

Sometimes it's a case of the harder you try, the more difficult it becomes.


eurochick Mon 19-Sep-11 16:51:39

Welcome to the ttc emotional rollercoaster, whyso. Why don't you come and join us over in conception?

There are lots of success stories over there and plenty of empathy for how tough it all is.

At this early stage I agree with the advice to just enjoy it as much as you can. I am on my 10th cycle of perfectly timed swi with no pregnancy to show for it. I also took a casual approach to contraception for a while before that. It all gets quite draining after a while so just try to enjoy it. The chances are that you won't be one of the 20% for whom it takes a year or longer but one of the 80% who gets pregnant in a shorter time.

Karmanna Mon 19-Sep-11 17:28:30

I agree with the right timing over quantity. We tried for 9 months without really having pinpointed my ovulation days. I bought 20 Ovualtion Predictor Kit sticks on ebay for £3 and SWI on the two days they showed I was fertile and that's when we conceived. I'm now 23 weeks pregnant and counting! Good luck and enjoy it - goodness knows it gets tedious a few months down the line!

themightyskim Mon 19-Sep-11 19:25:03

I got pregnant the month I stopped really trying, took us six months after stopping the pill and the only changes we made was that a. we were a bit more relaxed about it and b. we had sex every other day not just around that time, turns out I conceived very late on in my cycle and a week after I thought I could

justabigdisco Mon 19-Sep-11 21:55:24

also if you're having sex every day then the quality of the sperm is not as good - it takes 2-3 days between each time for them to regenerate properly - so doing it every day is worse, not better for your chances

Oeisha Mon 19-Sep-11 22:19:10

Took me 11mths to conceive, but was on hormones for about 6 years solidly before, so don't underestimate the pill (I was on POP). Doctor wasn't even going to look into it until 18mths of trying.
My cycle was allover the place. 27days, to 54. Only that last bleed did I feel my periods were abck to 'normal' (as in hurting so much I was bed-ridden in tears for 36h - thank-deity I only had to endure 1 of these again).
I did try the Clear Blue ovulation kit and did get pg that month, though as my cycles were allover I had to guess when I was due to ovulate (though I do get mittleschmertz quite often)...though we did only DTD once during that time, thanks to guests - typical timing. Was initially going to use it just to see if I was in theory ovulating over a few months.
So, I guess, have fun with the sex. Men really don't like feeling used for their sperm, so vary what you do a bit if you're very active and focus the baby-making for ovualtion time. Try an ovulation test kit if you're worried and really don't panic for a good year. Good luck xxx

Oeisha Mon 19-Sep-11 22:20:00

*mittelschmerz even

mumt1 Mon 19-Sep-11 22:32:17

Everyone is different, it takes some couples straight away(myself) and other, such as my parents (4 years). I think the best thing you can do is just relax and have fun.stress itself can mess around with menstrual cycles n wt not. So both of you just take it easy and have fun. That's my advice! The strain of trying to concieve can affect you in many ways. Best of luck! Xx

justhayley Mon 19-Sep-11 23:46:44

Exercise! The fitter you are the more chance you have of making a baby smile soon as I upped my exercise and started drinking detox tea twice a day to clear my body of any crap I got pregnant! I don't know if it was coincidence but there's no harm in trying, can only do good being as healthy as poss when you do get pregnant!

Good luck, and have fun practicing wink

kat2504 Tue 20-Sep-11 00:06:48

Yeah I had loads of sex every month when I was ttc. Even if you do everything absolutely right you only have a 25% chance at best of getting pregnant each month.

If you have only just started ttc I suggest you ditch the science and have lots of sex for fun. all this charting and fertile times and sex on timetable is not very romantic is it? If you have sex 3 times a week you are guaranteed to hit the right time. Every 2 days is even better.
TTC can be a strain on your relationship if you go down the science route for a while so I do recommend holding off on that for at least the first 3 months and just enjoy it instead.

BeeMyBaby Tue 20-Sep-11 06:40:37

DH and I SWI'd at least every two days for the whole month each month of trying and it still took 5 months.

chocolatine Tue 20-Sep-11 07:47:51

Ha - I could have written your message about three years ago - you KNOW that it's not very likely to happen the first month but it's soooo disappointing when it doesn't isn't it!
What worked for me was the Clearblue ovulation sticks - which allowed us to make extra efforts (2-3 times a day!) just before and after ovulation. I know they don't work for everyone and they're pricey, but for me I really think they made a huge difference. (I was also ovulating at a different time of month than I thought). It took three months for me to get pregnant the first time (including the first month when I didn't use them) and now pregnant with my second - who also took three months (two with the sticks).
I do understand the people who say just to relax, but tbh I found that more stressful than actually trying to do something to increase my chances.

Also I was a tiny bit underweight each time, and after reading posts on here I made an effort to put on a few pounds - not sure if it helped!

chocolatine Tue 20-Sep-11 07:52:33

Sorry forgot to add - we were SWI every day the first month too, which is why I related to your post!
Good luck!

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