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Ex Pregnant girlfriend

(13 Posts)
Simon1234 Sat 17-Sep-11 08:41:24

I've just found out that the ex girlfriend is pregnant and I'm in a bit of a panic.

She believed that she couldn't have children and so we were less than careful.

Now she's announced that she's pregnant and although I've offered to get back together she's decided that she wants to have the children alone, but would like me on the scene as their Dad.

I'm totally confused about what that means, I've told her that I would support the children (financially and otherwise), but given she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me not sure how this is going to work.

Anyone got any experience of this and how this has worked for others? I'm in a bit of a state to be honest, I could handle being on the scene but being a Dad at arms length is something else.

ledkr Sat 17-Sep-11 09:16:18

Children?Is she having twins?
If she doesnt want a relationship then you cannot change her mind but just communicate with her calmly and ask her how you can help now,financially and with the pregnancy.I think the more support you give her now the easier it will be to have a relationship with the child/ren.
As a Mum of a 7 month old i should think she wil be very glad of the support.

HereIGo Sat 17-Sep-11 09:17:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazyhead Sat 17-Sep-11 14:27:29

You must be quite shocked at the moment - like the posters above, I agree that the more decent and supportive you are now, the better this is likely to work in the long term.

I think a lot of men would be pretty dismayed to find themselves in the 'surprise' role of distant father (hardly living the dream is it) but unfortunately that doesn't mean you are going to magic your former relationship into being something that works. Quite honestly, again, the more supportive yet prepared for all eventualities you are at this stage, the more the two of you will have the chance to explore whether there is any mileage in your relationship as a couple or if you are better parenting apart.

I do actually know a couple who got back together when the girl had discovered she was pregnant - they now have two kids and it seems to work, but it isn't easy and probably depends why you split up in the first case really.
I also know a couple of chaps who got exes pregnant at university, stayed apart, but now have great relationships with their children. It hasn't been easy but they wouldn't change what happened.

I have a lot of sympathy for you - this is a huge consequence of not being careful, and also an upsetting introduction to fatherhood. All you can really do is be as calm as possible and turn to your friends and family for support

Simon1234 Sat 17-Sep-11 17:14:11

Thanks for the posts.

Yes it's twins! The sight of the twins on the scan brought about emotions of wonder and terror in equal measurees.

I'm already a single Dad of 1.

She had a partial hysterectomy, which she was down in Dr's notes as full hysterectomy. I think both our emotions are all over the place at the moment, not least her.

Want to be on the scene, want to be friends, but I'm in shock. Tried to be as supportive as I can.

Wish me luck.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Sat 17-Sep-11 17:20:19

Isn't a partial hysterectomy the removal of the uterus? confused

Snorbs Sat 17-Sep-11 17:27:08

That doesn't make sense. A partial hysterectomy would have meant her womb was removed but her cervix and ovaries were left in place. She would be completely infertile unless her eggs were harvested and implanted into someone else.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Sat 17-Sep-11 18:05:25

<puts on cynical hat>
OP were you actually present at the scan or have you just seen a picture? Because it would be impossible for her to be pregnant if she had undergone the procedure you have stated. You either have the wrong end of the stick as far as her operation goes, or she's taking you for a ride in order to get back with you.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Sat 17-Sep-11 18:06:31

OR she wanted to be pregnant and fed you a line knowing you then wouldn't use protection. You clearly need a very serious talk.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 17-Sep-11 18:18:53

It definitely doesn't add up. If she is pregnant she can't have had a partial hysterectomy so she's either lying about one of those details or you are mistaken about the op she had.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 17-Sep-11 18:20:31

Sorry, I've just said what FFFF already said!
Hope you get an answer to this OP.

Simon1234 Sat 17-Sep-11 18:28:21

Thanks it's possible I have misunderstood. Treading carefully...

Simon1234 Sat 17-Sep-11 18:40:44

I know one of her Fallopian tubes was removed, think that is a salpingectomy based on google. I think I may have mixed it up.

I think she's definitely pregnant, based on her scan. I tend to believe her.

Thanks for the concern

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