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Tried for a baby but now I'm pregnant I'm not sure I want to be

(20 Posts)
Bigbum5 Fri 16-Sep-11 20:33:03

I tried for a baby (I'm 33) and conceived straight away but now (5 weeks and 1 day pregnant) I'm getting the horrors about becoming a mother. Has anyone else had this and will it pass?

whackamole Fri 16-Sep-11 20:37:17

I think everyone does. It will pass. It is a scary, momentous thing to realise you will be bringing another human being into the world - I know I felt this on my first pregnancy, and this one as well. For quite a long time!

Moulesfrites Fri 16-Sep-11 20:39:07

I felt a bit like this - I conceived straight away too and it felt a bit like it was all happening too fast. I'd only just decided I wanted a baby and suddenly I was having one and I was on the trajectory and it was out of my control!

It did pass though, and as my pregnancy progressed I came to love my bump and was just desperate to meet my baby. He is now almost 8mo and although parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done it is also the most amazing experience and the love I have for my ds is completely overwhelming and wonderful. Things will never get back to normal for you, but you do reach a new kind of normal, which hopefully be even better than before!

lostinwales Fri 16-Sep-11 20:40:10

Every time I've become pregnant I've had a moment of 'actually I really don't want a baby right now' it generally strikes just before I find out I'm pregnant so I think it must be a hormone thing. (DS's are 11, 9 and 4.5 now and I don't regret a minute)

Casmama Fri 16-Sep-11 20:42:07

Yup, my first thought on seeing the pregnancy test was "oh my god did we really think this through"
It passes within a week or two with a few returns of the panic throughout the pregnancy.
I found it helpful to think that there are many far less capable people who have had babies and managed to cope with it so I can too, the wanting it took care of itself.
Congrats on your pregnancy.

Crosshair Fri 16-Sep-11 21:22:03

Went through the same thing, even now at 24 weeks I still have the occasional ''omg what have I done!".

Congratulations. smile

HardCheese Sat 17-Sep-11 08:02:19

Congratulations, Bigbum. I think the sheer speed with which you conceived has a lot to do with your shock and ambivalence. We started trying to conceive when I was about to turn 39, and believed it would take months or years, if I was still able to conceive at all - but it happened immediately, possibly the first time we had unprotected sex. We were both completely shocked, and I was very ambivalent initially. I think it absolutely had a lot to do with the suddenness of it all - I'd unconsciously expected to have at least many months in which to get used to the idea. It'll get better! I'm now thrilled about it to the point of keeping my scan photos with me all the time and finding myself smiling at them during the daty!

Pidgy Sat 17-Sep-11 08:26:14

Was quite pleased to see your post Bigbum as thats how I feel a bit too! We decided to start trying in September, and on Thursday I did a test and I'm pregnant! (2 weeks & 3 days since it I think it happened, or 4 weeks and 3 days if you go from first day of last period). Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy at all....just in shock!!! Scared of whats to come, how to tell work (just started a new role in my company) and I really thought it would take a bit longer!
eek.
DH face was a picture when I showed him the test! He was more shocked than me I think!

dribbleface Sat 17-Sep-11 08:50:33

yep completely normal, first time pregnant straight away, had the same feelings but it did pass. this time round, conceived straight away again (you'd have thought it wouldn't be a shock this time!) felt exactly the same! now 38 weeks and desperate to meet my little person. congratulation's, pregnancy it 40 weeks for a reason other than growing the baby, it gives you a chance to get used to the idea!

yummymango Sat 17-Sep-11 09:02:44

It's very strange isn't it, we spent a year trying to conceive - each month getting terribly upset when my period came - and then when I finally got pregnant I had the same feelings as you. I am now 38 weeks and we are both very excited about it, even if I do have the odd moment of panic still! Don't worry you will get used to the idea, I think it just takes a while to sink in.
Congratulations!

LittleWhiteWolf Sat 17-Sep-11 09:12:28

I had the same experience with my daughter. Conceived straight away and then panicked because I didn't feel I was ready. It passed and I became very excited. And now I have the very best daughter and I'm 12 weeks pregnant again so I must have gotten over it! grin

Congratulations

mumt1 Sat 17-Sep-11 09:22:08

Firstly congratulations! Little bundle of joy smile .... I felt exactly the same with my first, mainly coz of my ages I think and I was on the pill. I was 18, anyway was very hard going through that pregnancy as the dad reallllyyy didn't want it and begged for an abortion. I kept it and he is now 2 n half n his dad has thanked me for not listening, anyway I'm still with his dad and is now 9 weeks pregnant and still in utter shock...first month of not being 'safe' and voila..pregnant. I am ssoo scared and don't feel happy about it at all but no matter how you feel now, when u hold ur little baby in ur arms for the first time u forget everything u ever though bad about it and get an overwhelming feeling of love. I was young and even I don't regret one thing. A baby is the best love possible. X

AlpinePony Sat 17-Sep-11 09:31:27

Believe me, it's not just those of you who conceive straight away. It took me a year to get pregnant (one early mc in that time) - I burst in to tears wondering what the heck I'd done.

ALotToTakeIn Sat 17-Sep-11 09:37:57

Me too, we descided to start trying on Boxing Day and bump is due on the 24th October. Despite having talked it through a lot it was still a compete shock to be pregnant so fast and I felt paniced and a bit resentful. Not helped by feeling like cr*p for the next 18 weeks, it is only in the past month that I think I have come to accept and be excited by the idea of having this baby.

Rainday Sat 17-Sep-11 15:21:49

I think being nervous is normal. We tried for two years, and when I got pregnant we were both pretty scared and questioned whether we were doing the right thing and this is a planned baby!! Give yourself some space and time to get used to the idea

lolajane2009 Sat 17-Sep-11 19:24:40

I tried for eight years and had this. I think it is normal.

Onlyaphase Sat 17-Sep-11 19:32:45

Completely normal to feel like this. I was ambivalent when I got pregnant , and I'd had IVF! It passes, don't worry about it.

BlingLoving Sat 17-Sep-11 19:36:51

Yup, very normal. We took 2 years to get pregnant, had clomid etc and still found myself questioning it. Tbh, felt that off and on throughout, as well as for first 6 weeks of DS' life! Freaked out on MN at one point and was reassured!!

HardCheese Sat 17-Sep-11 19:39:29

I think another issue is that you're more or less supposed to be all glowy, serene and pleased, and it can be difficult to express ambivalence freely, for fear people will think you cold or a bit deranged. I'd love to hear more pregnant women feeling able to be quite upfront about their ambivalence - it would feel less overwhelming with less pressure to only express 'appropriate' emotions publicly.

theonlyhb2 Sun 18-Sep-11 08:44:08

congratulations!!! i felt like this too, happened so fast, only just decided we would like a baby and i was pregnant! kept getting waves of it right up to birth but now she here, i cant believe i ever felt like that.

hardcheese is right, whenever i did tell people how i was really feeling they looked horrified! i turned up at my best friends house at about 24 weeks in tears i didnt want a baby i wanted to go to thailand!

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