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serious dilemma.

(8 Posts)
happyatlast Fri 16-Sep-11 14:54:18

Just a quick, I have 3 children, an 11 year old dd, a 7 year old ds and an 19 month old tomorrow dd.

Having just split up in May from last childs father, I met a guy around 3 weeks ago. I slept with him on the 3rd date about 5 days into seeing him. We used a condom but it split so I decided, to avoid accidents, as I am quite fertile I would go to get the morning after pill, it was august bank holiday monday I went to the local walk in clinic, he made me do a pregnancy test before he would give me the pill which came back negative, I took the pill and thought nothing of it, got on with my everyday life.

My cycle is every 24 days so it was due on sunday.....nothing came but I expected the pill would make my period late so I wasnt too concerned.

Yesterday I had had enough though and after dropping my kids off at school i had an hour to kill before work so I went and got a test thinking get a test and at least then pregnancy is ruled out and it will put my mind at rest and I can just wait for my period.

I did the test.....positive straight away. I did another to make sure then, a clear blue digital with conception indicator.......still pregnant and puts me at 4-5 weeks pregnant.

Absolutely stunned is not the word. Have told new partner, we have half talked it through, not had proper chance to talk, that will be tonight, but he has no children, and has said its my decision but he wouldnt mind me keeping it?

All I'm thinking is it if fair on my children I have now, if I end up being single again, which is always a possibility, they will suffer, in that it will be even more of a struggle than it is now......but ideally in an ideal world if I could afford and knew how the future was going to pan out, I would keep it.

Any advice appreciated.....

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Fri 16-Sep-11 16:25:46

It's difficult. I'm pregnant with a completely unplanned baby and tbh have done a lot of tooing and froing before deciding to go ahead. I've been with my partner a year. But 3 weeks? I'm not sure what I'd do. You don't know anything about one another. I would make my choice knowing that I would most likely bring the child up alone. If you think you can do that then go ahead. But, (and I hate to be the voice of doom) you MUST go to the family planning clinic and get STD tested asap.

muffins Fri 16-Sep-11 16:44:36

I can really sympathise with you happyatlast.
I have ds who is 4, conceived on holiday in Cuba with a sort of fling. Obviously I knew when I had ds I would be doing it alone and had no other DC to consider.
I met DP last oct and was pregnant 3 months into relationship ( some of us just never learn grin ) it has been a rocky road at times I won't lie to you and I have found out many things about DP along the way which weren't great but we are really happy and awaiting this ones arrival in a fortnight.
As said above you prob know very little bout new man but go with your gut instinct. I didn't exactly relish the prospect of two children by different dads and single but if that had been the case I think I'd feel happier than having had a termination but that is a very personal choice I appreciate.
Good luck with whatever you decide x

happyatlast Fri 23-Sep-11 12:41:22

bump please still need advice

Crosshair Fri 23-Sep-11 12:45:41

Would you be happy bringing up 4 children alone? How do you think a new baby would affect your remaining children?

happyatlast Fri 23-Sep-11 12:49:11

Thats what my concern is, my other children. My eldest daughter is 11 and I rely on her in the mornings to watch my 19 month old whilst I am in the bath, things like that, it would be so much more difficult with 4, on my other children. I struggle to read with my son who is 7, because I simply dont have the time as I am on my own with 3 and I work too so that would get even worse too. Unbelievably hard decision to make.

happyatlast Fri 23-Sep-11 12:50:27

But then I think its only really difficult whilst they are really young?

Purplebuns Fri 23-Sep-11 15:44:27

Blimey! I think if you know you want the baby and to me it sounds like you do, then go for it. Start planning for its arrival and do it as if you are a lone parent as this is the worst case scenario. The older children will be able to help out and 19 month old will be at nursery shortly? Perhaps post in the larger families topic for some more knowledgable posters who can go through the practicalities.
I second the STD check and remember to still take things slowly with this new guy, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you need to rush headlong into the relationship. I am not saying you will, but I have seen the fall out when this has happened.

And Good luck smile

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