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Feel really annoyed with my midwife and myself :(

(41 Posts)
NoobyNoob Tue 13-Sep-11 11:58:45

I know it's only a small thing, but I was supposed to have an appointment with her today - and she's written the wrong date on my mat notes. She put Sep when she meant to out Oct.

I look forward so much to the appointments sad

Plus, I need to talk to her about smoking. I was going to start a seperate thread about it, but I'm so ashamed about it. I started back up about four weeks ago, and I can't seem to just stop it. I'm 21 weeks, and I feel so guilty and shitty about it. I decided to stop, then about 5 hours into it I feel so on edge and tearful, I end up getting some more.

I don't know what to do. Can I use Nicorette patches?

kat2504 Tue 13-Sep-11 12:11:06

I don't know about the patches but surely it has to be better than cigarettes? If your appointment is another month away why not see your GP about the smoking in the meantime.

As an ex-smoker I appreciate giving up is very hard, just the fact of being pregnant does not confer extra will power on you, but as you know, the less you smoke the better.
Try some sort of distraction when you want a cigarette (preferably one that doesn't involve going anywhere near a corner shop) and perhaps treat yourself to something you like. Take it one cigarette at a time.

carocaro Tue 13-Sep-11 12:12:04

Just stop. It is as easy as that. I did it when I was pregnant. Everytime you want a fag imagine your baby being full of disease, premature and tiny. Keep that image in your head. Harsh but necessary.

I started again after DS2 was born and my Mum said imagine your sons sobbing over your grave after you've died a horrible death from cancer. Again another wake up call.

You need to get a grip and distract yourself, a walk, a phone call, a web surf - anything but that.

Madlizzy Tue 13-Sep-11 12:15:41

Phone and see if you can get an earlier appointment to discuss smoking. Mums to be can now use nicotine replacement therapy, but you must okay it with the doctor or midwife.

Demiwave Tue 13-Sep-11 12:19:11

For some people, it isn't as simple as just stopping. In my area we have a dedicated smoking cessation midwife who will come to your home and support you. They can also prescribe nicotine replacement therapy. Ring your midwife and ask for a referral (hopefully your area has a similar programme).

HotPinkGingham Tue 13-Sep-11 12:21:32

Sorry Noob I know I am being unsympathetic, but you do need to just stop straight away. Chuck them in the bin now and don't have another one until after bub has arrived (or ideally, never again once you've gone that far).

I think caro's advice is powerful and is fundamentally based on fact. Sure I don't need to tell you how toxic cigarettes are to adults, let alone a tiny fetus. Genetics etc. are out of your control but this is one sort of damage you can prevent.

I can see you feel awful so don't kill yourself feeling guilty for carrying on. Instead put that energy into stopping. You will feel edgy and sh*tty but tbh, you need to take one for the team here, the side effects will pass but the damage to your baby could be lasting.

Good luck and be strong!

bigbutton Tue 13-Sep-11 12:22:40

In your notes, you should have a number you can call your midwifery team on. If you ring and explain that you'd like another appointment, I'm sure they'll squeeze you into a clinic somewhere.

In my area, there's quite a bit of support available for pregnant women who want to cut down or quit smoking. Maybe mention this to the person you speak to on the phone, there might be a dedicated clinic.

Just making the call is a positive thing you can do for your baby and yourself. Don't be put off because they might be a bit busy - looking after you and the baby is their job!

NoobyNoob Tue 13-Sep-11 12:37:22

OK...right....I'm going to bloody well do this.

For my little girl, for me and for my DS and husband. I don't need them, it's just a stupid, disgusting habit that thinks it can win but it can't.

I went out this morning and bought her very first pink baby gro, I'm going to hang it in the kitchen and look at it whenever I feel the urge to give in again.


Grumpla Tue 13-Sep-11 12:48:15

Good luck NoobyNoob. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Babygro on view sounds good.

Could you try putting scan photo & photo of your DS in purse so if you're tempted to buy fags you can look at that first?

Treat fund with the money you save?

Rubber band round your wrist to 'ping' whenever you feel craving?!?! One of my friends swore by that!

Remember that although at first it feels as though you are CONSTANTLY craving, each individual 'crave' probably only lasts a couple of minutes. You don't need to distract yourself for very long to get through it!

Make a list of all the plus points - top of mine would be being able to really enjoy that newborn baby smell when your DD arrives. Instead of not being able to smell it and smelling your fag smoke all over her instead sad

Call your midwife and ask for an extra appointment if you want one, she may be able to fit you in especially if you tell her you want to talk about this.

BE STRONG. There are always some awful things in life you won't be able to protect your kids from, when you'll think "I would give anything to make this better." This is something you CAN protect them from.

HotPinkGingham Tue 13-Sep-11 13:01:12

GO NOOBYNOOB!!!!! grin grin

PinkFondantFancy Tue 13-Sep-11 13:20:08

Well done nooby, sounds like you've got a good plan. Is it worth trying hypnotherapy? I know lots of people that swear by it - gives your willpower an extra boost.

mankycat Tue 13-Sep-11 13:23:22


I have smoked for 17 years and smoked (I am 32) through last pg. Not heavily but my DS was 6 weeks prem & I put that down to smoking and stress. I am now pg with DC#2 11+6 and I have quit. My MW refferred me to the stop smoking people (your local PCT will have one) the lady called me and asked me what I wanted patches, inhalator, mouth spray you cant have the gum for some reason when your pg. They sent me a voucher as you get it for free when pg. I choose the inhalator (pretend fag) & mouth spray.

I am now on week 3 and so proud of myself. The first few days were the hardest specially day 3 where I took myself to bed. I was snappy and I still am. I dream about smoking and when I wake up I am so dissapointed that I had a fag in my I have always enjoyed smoking and considered myself a smoker but now I think its a bit rank & a bit of a waste of time. I see women smoking in the town when out with DS and think yuk how unattractive and that was me! Im less tired can walk up hills with out getting out of breath. I smoked rollies so only spent about £8 a week on a pouch of baccy and the bits that go with it, so I am transferring that into savings for an IPAD. I didn't smoke in the house but I have to say it feels cleaner and there arent rizla & filter ends lying around and bits of baccy on kitchen floor where I made a rollie. My skin is clearer & I sleep better the benefits show really quick.

I am no longer using the NRT stopped using that in first week as was so sick but it really does help take the edge off.

I have put on weight but I am pregnant & I can lose it when I have the baby & they reckon you only put on a few lbs through quitting anyway & ill have loads more energy for the gym and probably lose it quicker.

Just think who your doing it for, yourself & your unborn baby. If you cant get in touch with MW then your GP can reffer you to the stop smoking people at the hospital.

It is early days for me and I just take each day as it comes and I really wanted one yday after I had to fork out £200 for a new alloy wheel on the car but it passed in about 5 mins.

Good luck, you can do it!

NoobyNoob Tue 13-Sep-11 13:28:45

Manky, that's amazing. And so you should be so so proud of yourself smile

VivaLeBeaver Tue 13-Sep-11 13:36:48

Yes you can use the patches, though not the 24 hour one. Ideally a smoking cessation midwife should shit down with you to work out what dose you need, this depends on things like how many you smoke, when you gave your first cigarette of the day.

There are other things you can use such as gum and inhalators.

AlpinePony Tue 13-Sep-11 14:11:33

hello, I know you've probably haerd it a million times, but have you tried the Alan Carr book? Ditch The Fags it really does work.

It is possible to give up and all those cravings will be gone within just 2-3 days - the first 36 hours is the hardest (imo).

Cutelittlecatlover Tue 13-Sep-11 14:39:52

I came on here to recommend the Allen Carr book but I see AlpinePony beat me to it! It really worked for me and I can honestly say 5 weeks on I don't miss smoking at all which is amazing after 15 years!

Don't beat yourself up about it, if it was that easy to give up there would be no smokers but it is possible and you've already taken a massive step smile

whackamole Tue 13-Sep-11 17:24:34

Do you have a Surestart centre near you? Our local one does stop smoking groups particularly for pregnant women.

Good luck.

Rainday Tue 13-Sep-11 17:36:10

I've recent quit and it is difficult, have you tried a hypnotherapy CD, this worked on my partner and he was a really heavy smoker. In the meantime just keep trying everyday, one ciggy at a time Good Luck

thefirstMrsDeVere Tue 13-Sep-11 17:41:03

nooby when I got pg with DD I was a smoker. This was a long time ago.

I remembered seeing an advert with a pregnant mum smoking and everytime she took a drag her unborn baby would go into distress.

I kept that image in my head and when I was craving a fag it really stopped me.

homeaway Tue 13-Sep-11 17:41:35

I really feel for you but i wanted to share a story with you which may help you give up. When my daughter was born a month early she weighed nearly 2.5 Kg and she was in the intensive care ward for two weeks, she was an emergency c section for her health.It was just one of those things that happens. I could not pick her up when i wanted to or have a cuddle when i wanted to. I would never wish those two weeks on anybody, it was a heartbreaking time having to watch her in intensive care and leaving her every night. I do not smoke but there was a baby who was there with my daughter who had been in there for weeks because her mum smoked. This poor little thing was smaller than my daughter and it was heartbreaking . I dont know but i wonder if the Linden method would work for smoking. I wish you all the best.

NoobyNoob Tue 13-Sep-11 19:46:38

Thanks everyone, for your stories and support.

I haven't had a fag since I last posted, and I'm starting to feel on edge and snappy. However, I've hung the little pink baby gro right where I kept my fags in the kitchen, and whenever I look at it my heart melts and I'm reminded of my little girl.

I'm doing a lot better than I thought actually, I thought I'd be throwing things against the wall by now! x

NoobyNoob Tue 13-Sep-11 19:47:34

homeaway, that's so sad sad Thank you for sharing with me x

sleepybump Tue 13-Sep-11 19:50:43

I'm sorry to also be so dark with my post but the one thing that plays on my mind is how one of the midwives on the 'mums behaving badly' programme explained how because of the increased carbon monoxide in your system while you are smoking the placenta needs to stretch across a much larger area inside you to get at the oxygen the baby needs, and it can become stretched so thin it can begin to peel away because it's not strong enough to hold on and when that starts to happen there is no turning back. That has always scared me.

I wish you all the best of luck but by the sounds of it you are going to be absolutely fine, just remember there is tonnes of support out there (mine was a dedicated nurse at the doctors, and I used inhailers for perhaps one week before I stopped) xx

Fisharefriendsnotfood Tue 13-Sep-11 19:51:42

Best of luck nooby smile

melliebobs Tue 13-Sep-11 20:29:21

I haven't read all the thread but ring the national stop smoking number and it will divert you to your local stop smoking service. I work for a NhS healthy lifestyle team and stop smoking is part of our service. Alot of the stop smoking services, mine includes have a specific pregnancy advisor

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