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anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

(309 Posts)
kiki22 Fri 09-Sep-11 21:54:17

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

BikeRunSki Fri 09-Sep-11 22:04:00

why don't you keep an open mind? Your baby may have different ideas to you.

A friend of mine was determined that she was not going to bf, for various reasons. Her baby would not take a bottle and she bf'ed every 3 hours for 9 months.

BerryLellow Fri 09-Sep-11 22:08:19

Look, it's your decision, but really feeding a baby isn't the only way to bond with it. Your DP can have lots of cuddles and skin to skin time.

If you don't want to BF, then don't. But deciding beforehand that you might this or you might that is a bit of a self fulfilling prophesy IMO.

cherryjellybelly Fri 09-Sep-11 22:08:44

Don't listen to it. Your baby will still be healthy and happy no matter which way you feed smile

cadelaide Fri 09-Sep-11 22:09:31

If you are in pain you need to do whatever makes life easy for yourself.

There are arguments against your theory about your DP bonding by bottlefeeding because he could of course feed expressed bm, but I wouldn't dream of putting pressure upon someone in pain.

cherryjellybelly Fri 09-Sep-11 22:10:58

oops i ment 'dont listen to it' about the disapproving looks. no one will know better than you when the time comes

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 09-Sep-11 22:12:07

If you have decided not to breastfeed your baby then you will just have to be strong about defending yourself. Don't be cross with the people who disapprove. Move on and forget it.

Tigresswoods Fri 09-Sep-11 22:14:13

Do what you want to do & feel comfortable with.

thisisyesterday Fri 09-Sep-11 22:14:32

I have to admit that I do find it really, really hard to understand why someone wouldn't at least try to breastfeed, or do it for at least a few feeds so that the baby gets the colostrum.
You get your say, but the vulnerable one here, the baby... just has to put up with it right?

But you know, if you 100% believe that you are making the right decision then you shouldn't feel bad about it. You should be able to turn to those people and say "this is the right decision for us"

If you are not 100% sure then why not just see how it goes? take it a day at a time?
You can breastfeed and take pain medication, it's a bit different than when you are pregnant.
You may find you like it, you may find that mixed feeding works, you may decide hey bottles are the way to go

just keep an open mind, that's all i would say.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 09-Sep-11 22:14:41

Keep an open mind.

You don't have to bow to pressure but neither do you have to decide now that bf will aggravate your back pain (there are many different positions to try which all suit mums and their babies differently) and deprive your DH from bonding with his dc.

You cannot argue with the reems of evidence that shows that breast feeding is very beneficial to the health of both mother and child, but on the other hand pain is what the individual says it is and only you will know if that it is too severe to cope with without painkillers that contraindicate breastfeeding.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

LikeACandleButNotQuite Fri 09-Sep-11 22:15:42

Tell them if formula wasn't sufficient food for a newborn, then it wouln't be for sale in the shops. Yes, breast may be nature's intended way to feed a baby, but nature also intended us to do a lot of things that we now do with scientific assistance (iykwim): food, anti-ageing, transport, medicine, technology...all man made, but all part of our daily lives andtings we are happy to embrace.

Don't feel bad. Your body, your child, your decison.

Purplebuns Fri 09-Sep-11 22:20:04

Out of all the things you do with a baby feeding it is quite small. There are bath times, nappy changes, winding, playing, cuddling .etc

If the painkillers are the main reason, discuss with your GP as there are lots of things you can take whilst BF.

You could also mix feed/express if you wanted.

On the whole, it is about what is best for baby not DP, you are very important but I think you can at least discuss with your GP other pain medication.
Rather than deciding not to breastfeed, something you may actually enjoy and has numerous health benefits for you, for the rest of your life, never mind your baby.

ExpensivePants Fri 09-Sep-11 22:33:55

Love the way everyone piles in to do exactly what the op has said she's sick of in the first place...

LikeACandleButNotQuite Fri 09-Sep-11 22:48:48

I agree expensive, seems lack of support for her here, with some exceptions. She was asking if anyone else had experienced negativity, and was met with negativity. It's a shame that people can't take information and then make a decision based on it. Im sure the OP knows full well the merits of BF, and she also knows the merits of FF, to her and her family. She should be allowed to make a decision and that be supported as her making an infored choice.

She also has the ability to change her mind, and may, in time, but may not. However she chooses to feed her baby, she should not be made to feel guily about it.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 09-Sep-11 22:50:27

Expensivepants I think that we're all trying to point out to the op that she may have other options that either:

a) exclusively bf and be in pain

or

b) exclusively formula feed.

From her post it seems to be the prospect of being in pain that is swaying her towards formula feeds. In reality it doesn't have to be that black and white, and hopefully now the op has time to consider all of these things before her dc is born.

CBear6 Sat 10-Sep-11 10:13:49

Ultimately you have to do what's right for you, your DP, and your baby. Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, it doesn't appeal to everyone, and it's not compulsory - the same goes for formula feeding. You've obviously thought about it and your mind is made up, your decision is no one else's business and the main thing is that your child is fed. In the grand scheme of things how you feed is a very small part of being a parent, an all-milk diet lasts 6-12 months (depending when you introduce food) whereas being a parent lasts the entire rest of your life, the feeding bit is a tiny percentage of that time. And while I have no wish to debate the benefits of FF vs BF, look at the people around you - can you tell who was and wasn't breastfed?

I've made the decision to FF the baby I'm due any day now. I've read the facts on both sides and FF is best for us for various reasons. I've had comments from the HV and from a couple of friends because I FF'd last time too. Will I FF next time? Who knows, I may or may not, it depends on what is best for us when that time comes. When I got the comments I just deflected them, politely but firmly, by pointing out that I had all of the information on both and had reached my decision.

There will always be people who judge and comment and make you feel as if you're doing it wrong. Women who BF get just as much stick as women who FF and trust me, that's just the start of it. You'll have people stick their noses in about routines, weaning, which toys you choose, sleeping habits, pushchairs, milestones, the list is endless. Then there's the competitive parenting types and the people out there who will pour scorn on you the second your DC dares to so much as whimper in public and all sorts of wonderful types. The trick is to stick with the nice people, do what you think is best for you and your baby, and ignore everyone else.

lucysnowe Sat 10-Sep-11 10:58:13

Ignore the judgers, esp the ones on this thread. It's your decision, one of many you'll have to make as a parent. :-) You may find the Fearless Formula Feeder blog supportive - lots of mums on there who FF for many reasons. Good luck!

grubbalo Sat 10-Sep-11 11:49:24

Absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to formula feed, but also a bit daft to imply that the main reason you bonded with your niece is because you fed her bottles, ergo that's the best way for your DP to bond with your baby. I completely agree there is lots more to bonding etc than the way you feed your baby, so even if you decided to exclusively breastfeed then believe me your DP would find many more ways to bond - i.e. cuddles, nappies, winding and all the other things that a baby needs.

I did choose to exclusively breastfeed (suited me, but completely understand it's not for everyone and would defend anyone 100% who chose not to), but my DH has managed to bond very well with our 2 boys despite the fact he didn't get the opportunity to give them bottles.

So many people build the way we all feed our babies up to being this massive, massive thing that is the be all and end all and only way to "successfully" parent, it is something that frustrates me immensely!

mediawhore Sat 10-Sep-11 12:31:58

It is a case of having to ignore it and do what you want and what you think will be the best for you and baby. Being in pain willl make you not able to be the best mother you can be, which is more important that feeding your milk.

Am currently pregnant with my 3rd and not even going to try BF this time. But having tried and failed twice with no milk then I feel confident in my justification.

Good luck

AlpinePony Sat 10-Sep-11 12:39:02

Stop telling people, if you tell them you'll just be bullied cajoled/encouraged. Do what you want to do. smile

Crosshair Sat 10-Sep-11 12:43:33

My mum has said how breast feeding is abit weird and I wont last a week. Maybe we could trade? smile

I think whatever you choose certain people will tell you otherwise and try and push you in various directions. Im trying to keep an open mind on most baby related things.

Iggi999 Sat 10-Sep-11 12:50:21

I remember being on pretty strong pain killers after my c-section (something with codeine I think) and was able to bf while on those.

BoringSchoolChoiceNickname Sat 10-Sep-11 12:53:01

Stick to "there are specific medical reasons why bf is not best for me and my DC" - should shut them up.

However, in your shoes I'd certainly give a colostrum first feed, and perhaps the rest of the first week as well, since you may well be on some fairly hardcore post natal (and bf-compatible) painkillers that week. At that point you'll have given your DC a big bunch of antibodies without having to make the supererogatory sacrifice of going without pain relief for months on end.

usualsuspect Sat 10-Sep-11 12:53:36

Just feed you baby however you want and ignore everyone elses opinion

notlettingthefearshow Sat 10-Sep-11 13:00:34

Feed the baby however suits you best - it's your body and you are in the best position to judge what you can and can't do.

Do not feel pressurised by others. Luckily formula is available as a perfectly good diet, and they are many advantages to this such as more independence for you, and more involvement for your DP.

Be strong!

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