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Erm, has anyone asked to be sewen up a little tighter second time round?

(64 Posts)
banana87 Thu 08-Sep-11 17:01:41

Sooooo embarrassing....

With DD I think I had a 2nd degree tear (episiotomy). I never went back to hospital to find out exactly how bad things were and I know the consultant lied to me when I asked how many stitches I had (he said 6, GP said at least 16 shock).

Anyway, sex after giving birth has never felt the same and I feel as if I am "too big" down there. I want to ask my consultant to stitch me up properly this time but I don't know how to put it blush. Has anyone ever done this before?

Scheherezade Thu 08-Sep-11 18:05:37

It doesn't work like that. Sewing up a tear isn't the same as cosmetic surgery.

allhailtheaubergine Thu 08-Sep-11 18:10:07

The sewn up bit is just the opening. The bagginess is throughout the whole tunnel.

Do your clenches, that'll help.

banana87 Thu 08-Sep-11 18:27:20

But the hole looks and feels bigger blush

Lougle Thu 08-Sep-11 18:56:43

That'll be a 10cm head pushing through it wink

G1nger Thu 08-Sep-11 19:05:02

By all means, have the conversation. But not with the person who sews you up afterwards. Have it properly, with a specialist - someone who can tell you what your options really are.

VivaLeBeaver Thu 08-Sep-11 19:07:13

Believe me when I stitch someone up its one raw edge to another raw edge, nothing more nothing less. I can barely sew a button on a shirt. please don't think I can do complicated plastic surgery type stuff.

banana87 Thu 08-Sep-11 19:09:44

Who would the specialist be? I am going private so my consultant obstetrician is the one who will be sewing me up and also the one I see every 2 weeks.

EssW2 Thu 08-Sep-11 19:12:24

It's to do with muscular tone, not being 'stitched up tighter'. You can't be 'stitched up tighter' after a tear or an episiotomy.

G1nger Thu 08-Sep-11 19:12:28

Perhaps you could ask your obstetrician for advice when you next see him/her? It'll depend on what the cause is - muscular, I presume?

squinker45 Thu 08-Sep-11 19:54:31

Vivalabeaver, you are not filling me with confidence.

goodnightmoon Thu 08-Sep-11 20:00:19

well i don't know if i was stitched up too tight per se but scar tissue formed on the inside that had to be fixed with surgery. So be careful what you wish for - I couldn't have sex until it was sorted. happy to report everything is fine now and i don't think i'm any looser or tighter than before giving birth. going through it all again though in a few months and frankly wouldn't mind a c-section to avoid the whole issue. (among other reasons)

VivaLeBeaver Thu 08-Sep-11 21:01:56

Well a midwife can't suture until deemed competent so I have been. Still can't sew clothes though, or knit. I have dyspraxia. grin

squinker45 Thu 08-Sep-11 22:10:02

Hmm am hoping that vaginas are somehow simpler than buttons (crosses fingers. And legs.)

gardenveggies Thu 08-Sep-11 22:13:40

My friend said, if stitching is needed, to ask the consultant for 'one for the husband'...if you get my meaning...blush...which I did, in a fairly delirious state after a very quick and great birth but a small episiotomy at the end. Apparently, according to DH, I kept saying to the midwife, 'one for the husband,' one for the husband,' blush and apparently, she didn't have a clue what I was saying...and when I explained she looked quite shocked!

That said, she did a great job wink

chocolatchaud Thu 08-Sep-11 22:14:21

I don't think that anything can be done about the tightness (apart from pelvic floor exercises) but I was definitely stiched better the second time round. No gaping holes anywhere!

However, you may not even need stiches this time (fingers crossed!)

VivaLeBeaver Thu 08-Sep-11 22:16:03

My Suturing is a bit like when I learnt to crochet. Can't start or finish (mainly cos I can't tie knots) but the bit in the middle is ok.

chocolatchaud Thu 08-Sep-11 22:22:00

Can I request not to have you next time then, viva? wink

EssW2 Thu 08-Sep-11 23:43:43

"My friend said, if stitching is needed, to ask the consultant for 'one for the husband'...if you get my meaning"

The whole idea of being 'stitched up tightly' is based on this sort of sexist, misogynist medically ignorant crap. There are so many jokes about it, and men chortling over stitching up women's vaginas 'nice and tight'. Not having a go at you, Gardenveggies, but sorry that you were told it and fell for it.

If a tear or cut needs repairing by suturing then it will be best if it is done skilfully to reduce scar tissue, uneven scar, etc.

But the suturing repairs a cut or tear - it isn't making darts as in dress making or actually reshaping the vagina.

If you have a problem following your last delivery, OP, speak to your GP, or perhaps ask your consultant about it.

gardenveggies Fri 09-Sep-11 06:41:48

Not having a go at you, Gardenveggies, but sorry that you were told it and fell for it.

Er, EssW2 - how can I put this politely? You might want to get over yourself and stop being so patronising. I did not 'fall for it.' I thought it was amusing. I consider myself and my friends to be enlightened, aware, and quite able to decipher and sieve out what comes our way as sexist and misognynistic - and frankly, I really didn't think this was a big deal.

ANd if you think that all the posters on this thread are not thinking about stitching as a means of enhancing themselves for a more pleasurable sexual activity, which of course is also pleasing the partner, then you're slightly in the dark ages

HPonEverything Fri 09-Sep-11 08:40:39

I've got a bet going that my DH will jokingly ask them to "put a couple of extra ones in". He thinks this is hilarious, though I like to think he knows a bit more about biology than to genuinely believe that's all it takes.

banana87 Fri 09-Sep-11 08:48:19

Thanks for your advice! I will ask my consultant to take a look blush and see if something went amiss last time, as I'm pretty convinced it is more than just pelvic floor exercises that are needed. blush

harassedandherbug Fri 09-Sep-11 09:20:13

I tore with ds2 and for some reason two of the stitches were tight....... it was bloody agony!!!! I had to go up to birth centre and they snipped them early, the relief was immense.

My advice is: don't ask!!! Don't even think about it, it was the most painful part of the whole birth. If you think things aren't right then see your gp or specialist if private.

EssW2 Fri 09-Sep-11 13:00:03

Of course the avoidance of birth injury is about ongoing sexual pleasure (and confidence) as well as wider health and comfort issues. But as Viva pointed out it is an erroneous belief that post partum suturing can 'tighten' the vagina, and if you think that references to stitching up vaginas after childbirth with 'one for the husband', or having an enhanced fear that childbirth will make your vagina inadequate in some way does not have a feminist context then perhaps you are living in the dark ages!

The OP is anxious and seeking help for a problem she has had since she last gave birth - tight stitching is unlikely to be the medical answer.

Sandra2011 Fri 09-Sep-11 13:05:18

I don't think your problem has nothing to do with the amount of stitches or how tight they were.

My stitches were torn open about 4 days after delivery. All I had to do was a natural healing which took some time.

I haven't noticed any change in sex or how it feels.

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