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Rant! exuse me just needto get it out!

(4 Posts)
Jellyboobs Wed 07-Sep-11 20:33:11

Man being extremely annoying, stubborn,frustrating. Had adiscussion last week over the amnio test (i dont want to take tge risk, he does) and he tells me he feels left out, not connected to the baby as (apparently) Imake all the decisions. So I agreed to consider having the test if we end up being high risk, and spend days feeling guilty aboutnotincluding him in all the decisions. This week, a friend makes us a hugely generous offer of essential baby equipment, and he won't take it. We need to move to a bivger house before i give birth and hethinks this stuff will.takeuproom until then. I just can't see his reasoning! I tried to explain that we'll end up buying this thing for at least 5 times the price and he just gets in a strop "Just fucking buy it off her then, I just won't have any say" So now Im supposed to feel.guilty right, and aplogise for not including him in the decisions. So he gets his way. Every time. And i wonder whenWILL be the righttime to start buying these things, when he actually sees the baby? When will he start realising that we needtoprepare? I swear he thinks he can just pass the baby off to his mum when her nappy needs changing orehen she cries. I think he imagines he'll have his mates round for ps3 nights 2 weeks after she's born. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like conversation's over unless i want cold war on ny handd with him muttering undee his breath about being excluded.
Does anyone else have a man like this???

pootlebug Wed 07-Sep-11 21:13:49

It sounds like a couple of things going on here. You are potentially a bit more hormonal and prone to getting wound up than you might otherwise be if not pregnant (apologies if I'm making unreasonable assumptions here....judging by my own tendency to be a hormonal mess in early-ish pregnancy). He sounds like he's got his knickers in a knot about not feeling connected to the baby and is over-reacting to things because of this.

To be honest I think it is pretty standard for dad-to-be not feeling all that connected to the baby in the early-ish stages. I'm assuming you've not had a scan yet (since your amnio comments seem theoretical based on if there is a problem at 12 week scan). I think there's more you can do later to help him connect....when he can see the bump, feel kicks, see kicks, see scans etc.

As far as the amnio thing goes, I'd try not to get too into too much of a row about it now....the chances are that the issue won't arise.

As far as the baby equipment thing goes.....well I agree with you. So what if it is a bit inconvenient to store for a bit if it is a bargain price. To try to keep the peace....does anyone have an attic you could store it in - a family member maybe?

I'd try to park your fears about how he will react post baby (hand to Mum, mates for PS3 nights etc). Lots of people don't know how they will really react to having a new baby - mums as well as dads. Or have expectations that go straight out of the window in the face of a different reality.

MrsCLH Wed 07-Sep-11 21:18:17

Hi jellyboobs, love your name! Is it your first? How many weeks are u? It sounds to me like your partner is anxious about everything being okay but not communicating it very well so its coming out all wrong. I think it can be hard for the fellas cos they feel out of control. And you're probably hormonal which makes it all worse. Im not sure what the solution is, except talking about how you're both feeling. Can u accept the stuff off you friend and ask them to hang on to it for a bit longer for you? Or have either of your parents got room to store it for you? Xx

Jellyboobs Wed 07-Sep-11 21:43:14

pootlebug MrsCLH yes, that's definitely part of it, hormone tastic! I thought if I blew it all out on the page here I'd probably calm down before he gets home from work, and avoid a blazing row, and your messages have definitely helped too. I did suggest storing it at his parents (mine live 200 miles away, or they would have taken it) but he says that's a stupid idea (nice) I've said to my friend she should try and sell it elsewhere and if she still has it when we've moved I'll gladly take it off her hands.

We have had 1 scan, I'm now 19+4 and 20 week scan is next tuesday, (first babysmile ) so I should think you're right that when he sees this one he will start to feel a bit more connected. When he/she starts to kick hard I'll make sure my belly is lined up with his bum!
Thanks for your lovely words and advice, much calmer now. Time for a brew

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