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What have I done...................... advice needed from parents of 3 or more..

(23 Posts)
Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 10:00:33

Well I know what I have done and how I did it but im now worried senseless....

Done a pregnancy test this morning after feeling a little icky the last day or two and yesterday really not wanting what I had cooked..

So,here we have it. Im pregnant (shhhh only dh & I know atm!). We have been trying for around 6-9 months and were looking at starting tests etc mostly because I have such bizarre monthly cycles.

Im please but also filled with worry and dread.. I have 2 kids already, dd is 6 and ds is 4 (due to start big school next week). Im a sahm so I guess an ideal situation atm iykwim.

My worries... about how dd and ds will accept a new baby. Ds is keen for a new baby. dd however (I had a conversation this morning with her) if adamant she doesn't want another brother or sister. I know she is only 6 but I feel sad she will be the eldest of 3 and maybe become more grown up than I want her to.sad. Also, such an odd number..

I don't want her to feel mummy has brought a new baby into the family and against her wishes iykwim. Mad I know and I recall feeling like this when I was expecting ds.

Reasurre me please..

btw, no idea how far gone I am. Cycles are between 31-53 days, last cycle was 41 days and lmp was 19th July.
I calculate about 5 weeks and due around 5th may 2012...

sunface Wed 07-Sep-11 10:07:04

hey Shhhhh congratulations!!!!!! i had the same concerns as you when i found out i was prg with my 3rd. DC of 8 and DC of 4, seemed like too big a gap between the eldest and this one, but the DC's have been thrilled from the start and are sooo excited about meeting their new sibling. I was the same when i was expecting DC2, worried about how my first would take it but it's all gone fine.

To be honest, i think as they are a bit older they 'get' the whole pregnancy thing more and are a lot more involved when baby comes along.

relax and enjoy your pregnancy!!!!!

Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 10:14:57

Thanks sunface, I thought dd may want a new baby to help with etc but atm its a no go...sad.

Im just so scared about the fact that they whole family dynamics is out of the window... am so happy with life atm and my little family of 4 and an extra one scares me... back to the baby stage etc.
Thing is, for ages I have been looking at other babies lovingly... like I soooo want one and now im in this situation and I want to run..

icravecheese Wed 07-Sep-11 10:39:17


I'm 1month away from delivering baby no.3 & like you, I had the same feelings when I fell pregnant with my 3rd. After our DC2 we didnt think we'd have any more children - DC2 was very poorly as a baby, spent alot of time in hospital, it was all very disruptive to home life & for poor DC1. However, she is now totally better & at christmas 2010 we thought 'lets have another'... by the end of Jan we were preg again!!

I am actually now MEGA excited about baby no3 arriving. My other 2 are 4yrs old & 2.5yrs old (close age gap between them was very exhausting but slightly bigger age gap btwn DC2 & new baby is 2.5yrs, so feels much easier already). DC1 has just started school (very wobbly start unfortunately, but I guess he'll get used to it in time) & is excited about the new baby. DC2 is at nursery a couple of mornings a wk & is also excited about baby, but probably doesnt quite understand fully yet.

I really worried about impact on DC1 when expecting DC2, but I have to admit it hasnt crossed my mind at all this time - DC3 will fit into family life & hopefully be as close to her brother & sister as they are to each other.

Congrats, don't worry about worrying (IYKWIM!), & enjoy your pregnancy!

Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 11:17:30

You are similar to us icc, ds (our 2nd ) was alsoso very ill at birth and up till about 1 yr ago had several episodes of staying in hospital.
I really held of having another as I wanted to make sure ds was on the right road before we decided on a 3rd.

Im not as concerned about ds and the baby but more dd as she is my pfb and I just feel like we are pushing her out iykwim.

I know, I sound stupid but I cant stop worrying about stupid things... I feel like things are beyond my control iykwim.

How could I have wanted something so much and and now im on the right road Im starting to wonder why..

ashtangini Wed 07-Sep-11 11:25:16

I'm not a parent of 3, I'm a parent of 1 and I'm really worried about having a second DC! Age gap would be 2 years. Horrified by the idea of a 2 year old and a newborn all at once. Horrified by thoughts of how skint we are now and how much less money we will have with two. Horrified by the thought of BFing again after only stopping 6months ago.

I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, although only CD23 at the moment, the feelings are unmistakable. It's a bit of an accident though and now I'm really regretting even entertaining the idea that we could cope with another child. We can barely cope with one!

icravecheese Wed 07-Sep-11 11:31:27

every single time I fall pregnant, I have the sudden "oh my god, what have I done" thoughts... timing is wrong / how will we cope etc etc. It all seems to disappear by the time I have the 12wk scan tho'. Its just natural to feel like that, I sometimes wonder if I have the doubting thoughts as a kind of protection mechanism in case anything goes wrong in early pregnancy. Also, the rush of early preg hormones don't help!

Don't worry, I promise you you'll soon be excited about baby no3....the doubting thoughts are just there whilst you get over the shock of finding out you're pregnant again!! Good luck & enjoy your pregnancy x

Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 11:46:03

see I recall feeling the same when we first got pregnant with dd (2 mc before) and with ds, fear of the unknown i guess but im in floods of tears today.
Ds is with me and is concerned but giving me lots of hugs smile.
I am hoping its the hormones and I will start to feel more positive.

icravecheese Wed 07-Sep-11 11:57:01

oh no! Poor you... what does you hubby say about it? I suspect its just hormones (sorry, I sound like an old fashioned male doctor saying that!). Give it a few weeks to settle down & see how you feel...i'm sure you'll start to feel excited soon. Big hugs to you x

Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 12:00:18

dh is away but has been texting and calling me all morning. He is being fab, very excited and wants to tell the world smile. He is home tonight and tells me all will be fine smile. He is very supportive, always has been but its just me...

rosiemama Wed 07-Sep-11 12:03:39

hi i have no advice as i've just the 2 LOs myself and barely even contemplating no 3 yet, but just wanted to say that everything will fall into place.. with the other two in school you will have plenty of time for the new baby without leaving the others out.. i have two younger sisters, and was 7 when my youngest was born, and we are so so close now.

congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it goes well xo

m1nn1em0u5e Wed 07-Sep-11 12:25:49

Im 20 weeks pregnant with number 3, my other two are 8 & 4!....I really cannot wait, although I know it will be crazy, hectic, chaotic, wonderful & totally amazing!....I did have a wobble when I first found out, (even though this baby is planned & very much wanted) but I did when I found out I was pregnant with DS1 & DS2, I think these feelings are totally natural!....Just off for my 20 week scan this afternoon, a chance to get a glimpse of my 3rd son!..Good Luck, it will all fall into place im sure smile

justaboutstillhere Wed 07-Sep-11 12:26:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomekindofSpanish Wed 07-Sep-11 12:35:54

Same as justaboutstillhere, DS1 (5.5 at the time) could not do enough for DS3, whereas DS2(22 months at the time) was not bothered either way about having a baby brother.

But they are now 10, 6 & 4 and adore each other.

Shhhh Wed 07-Sep-11 12:47:00

Thanks everyone. Think its probably pregnancy hormones making me a little sad, I am also desperate for dh to come home as I need a hug although ds is giving me them atm by the bucket loads smile.

I have just spoken to my mum who has spoken sense to me.... I guess I just don't want to let my children down and to make then feel left out in any way.

phlossie Wed 07-Sep-11 13:43:13

Hello shhhh - I'm also expecting number 3 with almost the same ages of older children - DS will be 6 and DD will be 4. I'm not really worried about it - I think children are very accepting. I've been getting them involved loads - talking about choosing names, toys, clothes etc and I bought a week by week book with illustrations of the growing baby and they're both really excited. I don't know what the reality will be like, though!

I think I'm laid back about it because I am the eldest of 3 - I was nearly 8 and my sister was 5 when my brother arrived and I adored him (still do!) I was like a second mother to him (still am!).

Good luck!

wobblytoothfairy Wed 07-Sep-11 18:22:25

I could have written your post. I have 2 dc who will be 6 and 4 when dc 3 arrives and I'm currently 8 weeks pg. I am also very much at the oh my god what have I done stage. I can't stop worrying about how it will affect the older 2 and wether I have ruined the whole family dynamic. I also don't know how I will cope with a new baby again. So sorry no advice but I do sympathise. The hormones and nausea are also not helpinggrin

Witchofthenorth Wed 07-Sep-11 19:53:20

Don't worry shhhhhh, and congratulations smile. You will probably find that once your belly starts to grow and it becomes "real"to the kids, your DD will come round, at least that is what happened with us smile iam6months with DC number 4 and my youngest is 3 and she is adamant that she is the only baby in this family and there is no room for another! I also found that getting them to read through the ready steady baby book helps as it let's them see how your belly grows with the baby inside etc.

Good luck and try to enjoy....happy mummy = happy children

thegingerone Wed 07-Sep-11 23:51:28

ds1 is 8 and ds2 is 4. I'm 29 weeks with dc3. Even though this baby is very much wanted, my initial reaction was to burst into tears and go "WHAT HAVE I DONE?". My little sis is 10 years younger than me with a brother two years younger than me. You'll all be fine!

scchtum Thu 08-Sep-11 00:13:04

No the third baby is a blessing and will fit into your routines.

It is so much easier to parent a third baby, your elder two will love their new brother or sister and want to look after him or her for you, and it will bring a warm glow and tears to your eyes how much they love their sibling.

Just enjoy it.

Witchofthenorth Thu 08-Sep-11 10:12:57

If it makes you feel any better too, my PFB is now very close to DC3, infact if she has a bad dream through the night she would much rather cuddle in to her big brother smile he is very very protective of her! PFB is 8 and it really does warm your heart as schtum says smile

Shhhh Sat 10-Sep-11 09:57:05

Not been about for a few days ... Thanks for replies .
I still feel the same .... Possibly worse :-(

How long do I give myself to feel more positive ?

I saw my gp yesterday she won't refer me to antenatel yet and wants me back in a week ... Geeze I feel so decking low :-( I just want to hide and sleep all day ...

PianoClare Tue 13-Sep-11 14:35:08

My experience has been that I feel really terribly exhausted at the beginning, but it does ease off. I think with family dynamics, things can be tricky initially, but you are giving your children a life-long relationship with another brother or sister, so definitely they are better off in the long run. I also think once everyone has had some time to adjust, no one can imagine life without the new family member. Good luck to you all. The beginning of pregnancy is really hard, especially when you are already looking after your other children too.

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