Not sure why I'm posting really, DH out for the evening but am reaching a big milestone (for me anyway) tomorrow and just want to get my thoughts out.
I'm so happy to have got this far. It took us over 3 years to get pregnant after being told that there were problems on both sides and that we were highly unlikely to conceive without assistance. And yet here we are, 24w6 :)
When I first got pregnant, I was so happy and then the stress of spotting, absolutely convinced at times I was miscarrying made me worry. I set my own milestones. 1st was the first scan, which dated me at 10w1 and showed a viable pregnancy. 2nd was 13w, getting out of the dreaded first trimester and having my second scan (too early for nuchal fold at first one). Then was 20wk scan, got to see that beautiful heartbeat once again. And then the sort of final milestone for me, 25 weeks because a baby has a chance of survival if born after this time (actually my mother pointed out last week they have a chance from 24wks but I still kept it at 25wks!).
And it's dawned on me this evening, that my final milestone is here. I am so happy to be pregnant and even though 95% of the time, I've been sure that everything will be fine, I've not allowed myself to buy anything brand new until I reached this point. I have stuff that has been given to me or I've brought 2nd hand because it was ridiculously cheap but I've not bought one thing brand new yet.
So i suppose I wonder now how I'm going to feel tomorrow, now I've reached what was the final marker for me. Probably my final marker should be getting to term but this was like the final marker for me that I'm going to give birth to my child and that child has a chance of survival.
I'm aware that I sound kind of morbid but before now, even when I've thought that something was wrong, I've kind of thought, well what will be will be, no sense worrying. And everything has always been okay.
I'm just wondering when I'll ever feel that everything absolutely 100% is going to be okay. I don't feel sad that I don't feel that way, I just wonder if it's weird that I've been so aware that things can (and do) go wrong when the pregnancy has gone nothing but smoothly.
I guess I've wanted this for so long now, I sort of feel like I have to have some sort of detachment in case it does go tits up.
But I'm feeling incredibly optimistic for the future, for the birth, for my child, for the rest of the pregnancy, for everything really.
I'm so happy, I can't believe I'm almost at my 25wks. I can't believe we made it.
This is going to sound completely stupid but after we DTD that got me pregnant, I gave a silent pep talk to the sperm. I can't remember much of what I said but it was really positive (no mean feat for me after years of depression and TTC) and it was the first time I'd done it. And then during that first trimester when I was spotting and cramping, I used to tell my baby to hang in there and how strong I knew he/she was, etc.
And look where we've got to together, baby can hear me and kick me now.
I think I'm just feeling very blessed and sentimental that I'm going to be a mum.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I don't really need a response, I just wanted to say how I was feeling. And I can't quite believe I confessed about the sperm pep talk but hey, it worked, so who cares :)
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25wks tomorrow - long post, no reply required really, just rambling :)
2 replies
pruney1977 · 06/09/2011 21:38
OP posts:
mimmymouse ·
06/09/2011 21:51
Good for you. The pep talk sounds brilliant! Positive thinking never hurt anyone.I hope the next 15 weeks are wonderful for you. 
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