Bridesmaid duties and potential pregnancy

[RegLlamaOfBrixton]

I've agreed to be matron of honour at a friend's wedding next July. The thing is, DH and I have kind of decided that we will start TTC DC2 when DS turns one in February. My friend is now keen to start getting me measured up for a dress as her MIL is making three of them so will need quite a lot of time. DH and I kept the fact that we were TTC DS very private as we didn't want the pressure of other people knowing, so I'm reluctant to tell her that there's a chance I might be pregnant. Although I got pregnant very quickly with DS I'm aware that things might not be so fast next time so it might not even be an issue. My friend doesn't have any children herself, and isn't really a 'child person' so I'm not sure how much she'd understand if I confided in her. I've got no problems with doing the matron of honour duties whilst pregnant, I wouldn't be any more than 6 months even if I got pregnant in February so not about to pop, but I think she'd be understandably pretty annoyed if I got measured for a dress, then it all had to be altered.

My current thoughts are that I will tell her that DH and I are perhaps thinking of TTC sometime next year, but we're not sure yet, but TBH I'm not even sure how comfortable I am sharing this info. I know I should cross this bridge when I come to it, but I'm also wondering if I was lucky enough to become pregnant before the wedding, how soon to tell her. We kept my first pregnancy virtually entirely to ourselves until the 12 week scan as I just couldn't face the thought of 'untelling' people if things went wrong.

WWYD?

[DilysPrice]

The odds of you getting knocked up so quickly as to be (say) 4 months of by next July if you start in February are pretty slim. Would you consider waiting until March/April to be completely sure?

The alternative is to confide in your friend (who is presumably a good friend) and ask for the MIL to do you last.

[hubbard86]

more what i did. I was 3months pregnant when i was maid of honour. I had a corset backed dress, little bit more forgiving. I had a different dress to the other bridesmaids as they had zips. Ask if you could have a empire line or a grecian style as they can be more forgiving with a bump.

[casperella]

I've been in this situation - as the bride was a close friend, I just confided in her, and when we went dress shopping explained the possibility of a pregnant (or not) bridesmaid... the shop said you could take dresses in by up to 2 sizes, so we ordered big. I did get pg and was 7 months pg at the wedding - the big dress was fine in the bodice but skirt got taken in.

Worst bit was saying to haughty shop lady that I might be pg by the time of the wedding - she said "well don't you know?" - er no, can't predict the future actually was what I felt like saying.

I guess it comes down to whether you would be ok having this kind of conversation with your friend's MIL?

Hope it all goes well!

[LearningFast]

I got married last August and my good friend and maid of honour was just under 4 months pregnant at the time.

When we went dress shopping she did mention that there was the possibility that she would be pregnant at the time of the wedding - I remember joking about it and saying that if me buying another dress for her to wear was what it took to get her pregnant then it was worth it (they had been trying for a while).

She didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was 11 weeks I think, so about 5 weeks before the wedding, as this was when she and her DH were ready to share the news but I really didn't mind at all. By this time we had bought a dress for her to wear from an upmarket high street store, but unbeknown to me she when she found out she was pregnant she went out and bought the same dress in a size larger just in case the original one was too small on the day (actually it was fine, although it could have gone either way).

I think what I am trying to say is that if your friend who is getting married is a good one, she will be delighted for you, and even if the dress doesn't fit by then there are ways round it. It was actually really lovely having my good friend by my side on the day, and knowing she was pregnant - it felt like a kind of good omen .

To be on the safe side though, if you don't want to mention that you will be TTC between now and her wedding day it would be worth steering the dress choice towards something which can easily be tailored around a bump (e.g. empire line, as has already been suggested). Having said that, it seems really quite early to be taking measurements at the beginning of September for a dress to be worn next July anyway!

[RegLlamaOfBrixton]

Thanks for your help. I couldn't see any other way round it than to tell my friend and her MIL to bear in mind that there's a chance I might be pregnant for the wedding. Said I had no idea how likely it was but that they would get an early warning if I am. I do hope I haven't given the kiss of death to the whole thing now...I'm very superstitious about TTC! Thought it was the fairest thing to do for both of them though .

[notlettingthefearshow]

This happened at my wedding! I knew my bridesmaid might get pregnant - she discussed it before and was TTC, had had miscarriage several months before. We chose and bought her dress anyway, then at my hen do she told me she was pregnant. I was so thrilled for her, I didn't give a toss about the dress. She was 4 months pg at my wedding with a small bump but did not need dress alterations. It was so exciting to see her pregnant at my wedding. We were playing it by ear and prepared to have the dress adjusted / do something cunning with a shawl if need be, but she managed to squueze into it!

(Just read LearningFast post .. very similar situation!)

I would recommend telling your friend in advance in confidence, especially if she is planning to get a dress specially made for you. I agree I would not want to tell ANYONE about TTC either in normal circumstances, but it is only fair since that way you can make sensible joint decisions, eg about the style of dress. If she's a true friend she will still be delighted if you fall pregnant before her big day.

Best of luck TTC.

[laabama]

I was bridesmaid very recently at almost 12 weeks and one of the others was about 20 weeks. Can't be that many people with 2 pregnant bridesmaids! I was pregnant earlier in the year but had a MC, but for a while was expecting to be around 7 months pregnant for the wedding and worried (needlessly as it turned out) about it quite a lot. My friend took it all in her stride (although to be fair, she is the most relaxed, laid-back person I know - and least bridezilla ever!) Another friend is getting married next summer and she's working on the basis that there's a good chance that her b'maid will be pregnant by then and delaying dress-buying accordingly. I'm looking forward to (hopefully) being able to drink again by then!!! :). I reckon that this is all a pretty regular occurrence. Your friend will be fine and what will be will be come next July! Good luck with it all!!!!

[TallulahBetty]

I was a bridesmaid in July just gone and I was 23 weeks pregnant. Hardly showed, if that helps - obviously everyone is different so you may show sooner.

I conceived in February when I'd already been asked to be BM - please do not let being a BM mean you delay TTC. If your friend is a good one, she'll understand!

[phlossie]

I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my sister in July 2012 and my baby's due in Feb. Obviously I won't be looking for dresses until after baby comes along, and then I have to consider being able to breastfeed... and how fat I'll be!