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Effect of pregnancy on relationship with mother

(7 Posts)
getagoldtoof Sat 03-Sep-11 13:41:19

Not sure if anyone else has been thinking about this. My relationship with my mother has become very strong and almost intense since I have been pregnant. We always got on, but would go weeks without talking before, I would often be unaware that she was in another country for example. In the last few years we have been closer, but since I've been pregnant, I want her approval about all of my decisions, pregnancy related and otherwise (much to my husband's annoyance!). I see her every day, and we talk all the time. She has totally spoilt me, looked after me and constantly supported me. I feel the most loved I've ever felt.

I find this all a bit unnerving as for some reason I feel it may implode at any time. It all seems quite recent and sudden and I worry about how I'd feel without her. Not sure where this anxiety is coming from.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it unusual? Does it die down after baby arrives? Am I making any sense?

twoeggsboiled Sat 03-Sep-11 13:55:52

Oh i think this is natural to seek advice and comfort from another women especially your mum. Try to enjoy your time together but think about other sources of support too, this way you may reduce the anxiety about fear or losing her support if you have other sources.

Dont forget our emotions can often be skewed and distorted during pg.

HTH and someone else comes along with more advice.

MrsBloomingTroll Sat 03-Sep-11 17:26:00

I'm definitely closer to my Mum since having DCs. She looked after DC1 for us when I went into hospital to have DC2 and I'll never forget how worried she looked when we were getting in the car to go.

What you're experiencing seems particularly intense, but I wasn't that close to my Mum either and since having DCs she has been the only person I've wanted around on several occasions.

MrsHuxtable Sat 03-Sep-11 18:05:11

I'm the opposite. I've never been close to my mum (she's toxic) and since I'm pregnant I feel even more distant from her. I guess it's because I think a lot about what I want to be like as a mum which then makes me realise how much she messed me up.
I have, on the other hand, recently talked a lot to my ex stepmum (if that word makes sense) who has done a wonderful job bringing up my half-sisters to be happy and emotionally healthy people.
At the start of this pregnancy, I was quite poorly and spend some time at home with said half sisters and their mother and found myself to be really clingy a lot of the time. Constantly being with one of my sisters etc., sharing a bed with them..

So I think being emotional and clingy is normal, especially if it's your first pregnancy and you don't know what's happening to you. It's only natural then to want to be close to a person that you really trust and who knows what's going on...and in your case that would be your mother.

Generally, I think that pregnancy can intensify relationships (good and bad) because of all the reflecting and thinking of the future you are likely to do, like the thing with me and my mum.

HTH

jan2011 Sat 03-Sep-11 18:12:31

hey
yes i understand where you are coming from, my relationship has got a lot closer with my mum too throughout my pregnancy she has been a real support and also i think because i open up to her more about my feelings through the pregnancy and emotions and that has brought us closer.
i do feel though sometimes it can bring back memories of when I was born (not memories cos obviously i wouldn't remember that far back, but thoughts of how it was like for me and for her) and this has been sensitive for me and has brought me more understanding for her situation too. she didn't get much help when we were young, dad was away a lot, she often goes on about how hard it was when i came along (she had my brother who was 2 yrs old), and i can be very sensitive about that now that im pregnant but i can also see that people need help and support too so i think it brings up a lot of emotions and sensitivities with the mother and daughter relationship but a lot of understanding too.

HPonEverything Sat 03-Sep-11 18:13:53

My experience is similar to MrsHuxtable's tbh.

After all the badgering I had off her to get pregnant, I was expecting her to be a lot more supportive when it happened. We email each other once in a while, speak rarely, and see each other even less (200 miles distance), but I've found when we are in touch she doesn't ask about the baby and acts disinterested when I volunteer any information. It makes me very sad.

She has offered to come down for a week when DH goes back to work, but made it clear that it was awkward to get here and that she'd really rather be at work.

Things could be so different but she doesn't want them to be so there's not a lot I can do. I don't have any other real life support other than DH so it would be great if I felt she was more interested and confidable in sad

I'm happy (if a bit envy) that your experience is very different.

annekins Tue 06-Sep-11 20:27:15

I have to say I feel my relationship with my mum has almost gone the opposite way to OP's, and I don't think we could be further apart.

I know she has her own health probs at the mo, which no one will tell me about as they don't want to upset me, but even though she lives half an hour away, it seems we barely speak anymore sad

I miss her...could really use my mum around at the mo

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