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which surname do we use?

(35 Posts)
cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 13:28:01

My other half and I are not married and have different surnames. I'm currently 31 weeks and we are planning on giving our baby my partners surname rather mine.

I've just today had a sudden panic/worry/thought (I'm blaming hormones as its really not rational confused). Has anyone come across any problems with their newborn having a different name to theirs (like when going to doctor appointments or something)?

Neither of us are fans of hyphenated surnames and ours dont go together that well so thats not an option for us.

motherinferior Thu 01-Sep-11 13:31:01

I don't know where you live, but round here (south east London) nobody notices afaik. Lots of my kids' friends have different surnames to their mother. (Mine have both parents'.)

nocake Thu 01-Sep-11 13:31:25

DW doesn't use my surname but DD (8 months) does. It hasn't been a problem so far as there are increasing numbers of couples who aren't married or where they use different surnames.

Onlymydogunderstandsme Thu 01-Sep-11 13:34:00

Hi craving - I have a few friends who have babies that aren't married and they all have the dads name and it doesn't seem to cause any problems, only for the mums who quite often wish they all had the same surname! I have just found out i'm 5weeks pg (although i'm still not trying to think to far ahead and get excited as still early days) and I would have thought we wil give baby my partners name and I feel comfortable with that as one day I hope to be a Mrs!

LaWeasel Thu 01-Sep-11 13:35:59

Nope, no issues.

At the hospital her tags had to have my surname to tie mother and baby together though.

Pootles2010 Thu 01-Sep-11 13:42:36

No issues with me either. We do live in a rather backwards rural Yorkshire town, so people do assume, and call me 'Mrs ds's surname' but are fine when I correct them.

In hospital they put 'baby of Pootles' on DS's tag, so no problem there either.

One of my friends tried to tell me people at nursery/school wouldn't believe I was his mother as we don't have same surname - no one's tried to take him off me yet though grin

JennyPiccolo Thu 01-Sep-11 13:57:43

I gave my dd my surname as a middle name because i was worried about this, but ive never needed it for anything like that yet.

yummymango Thu 01-Sep-11 14:14:38

I am 36 weeks and plan to give our baby my partners surname. We are engaged though and do plan to marry at some point, so hopefully it won't be long before we all have the same the same surname!

cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 14:19:56

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I'm just having a non-rational day as I havent got a problem with different surnames at all normally. I have been to antenatal relaxation classes this morning where every other couple in the class is married which got me thinking about it I guess.

Pootles - I have a friend who will probably tell me the exact same thing grin
Onlymydog - similar situation to me I think where half our reasoning of using his surname is its easier to just change my name rather than half the family's if we did ever get married

harassedandherbug Thu 01-Sep-11 14:30:49

My dd had my then partners surname and it was never a problem.

Now we're married though we wish we'd used mine, as it's just a better name in our opinion. But dd was nearly 3 when we got married so already knew her surname. It's a real pain of a surname now we're choosing boys names as it just doesn't work with lots of names!

Wish we'd thought of this before grin.

Pootles2010 Thu 01-Sep-11 14:45:35

She's very traditional Christian girl Craving, I think she despairs of my heathen ways.

She even insisted on buying ds a bible for his naming day hmm

oldsilver Thu 01-Sep-11 14:55:56

Never noticed any problems until DS started school - now I'm usually known as Mrs DS last name by the staff which is quite funny as I work with his class sometimes and I have a name badge on... Mind you one day I might have the same last name <<are you listening DP??>>

cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 14:58:53

Pootles I'm afraid to say I am the complete opposite grin having been married before (service was in a beer garden and the divorce was messy!)

Our baby's naming day is more likely to be something along the lines of ship them off to the grandparents while we go to the pub for a few drinks on our own grin

Pootles2010 Thu 01-Sep-11 15:03:29

Wish we'd done that tbh. I've never been so stressed! Organising big days is not my thing. Something tells me that DS and me will never have same surname!

cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 15:04:46

Pootles - I'm having a non-rational day and thought you meant I was an old fashioned traditional christian girl - lol please! confused

I think my friend may be your friend, she's most bothered about us not being married more than anyone, including both sets of GP's smile

pantspantspants Thu 01-Sep-11 15:07:05

My DC have DPs surname eventhough its a boring common surname. I love my surname as its different but we felt DC should carry his name as its the norm, people presume I'm their mum eventhough I use a different surname but if it was DP who had the different name people may think he was my DP but not their dad.

DD2 has spent a lot of time in hospital and the nurses have mentioned to DP had she had my name he wouldn't automatically be allowed to make decisions without me there as they couldn't prove parental responsibility easily.

I answer to miss/Mrs DP surname without thinking.

My DD1 (3) does ask why my name isn't the same as hers and her dads but I just explain we are " The surname family" but I like my name so kept it.

Pootles2010 Thu 01-Sep-11 15:09:24

Oh I see what you mean Craving, sorry wasn't clear! Funny, sounds just like us. Even my Christian mum isn't remotely bothered about us not being married/getting ds Christened.

cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 15:31:43

Thanks pants this is exactly the sort of thing I was wondering about with your experience with your DD2.

piemaker Thu 01-Sep-11 16:49:21

Only thing you have to remember is when you travel oversea with your LO without DP to remember to bring the birth certificate as well as your passports (as the passports will have different surnames)

cravingcake Thu 01-Sep-11 16:56:01

Good thinking piemaker. LO will have two passports anyway (I'm from NZ, DP is from UK) so overseas travel will definitely be happening. I did read somewhere that because we're not married both of us have to be present to register the birth if we want both names on the birth certificate, not sure if this is accurate but we'll go together just to be on the safe side.

piemaker Thu 01-Sep-11 17:10:32

Only thing you have to remember is when you travel oversea with your LO without DP to remember to bring the birth certificate as well as your passports (as the passports will have different surnames)

ShoutyHamster Thu 01-Sep-11 17:14:51

Why don't you give the baby your surname then? - you're doing all the work... wink

Cherrybug Thu 01-Sep-11 17:23:24

I must be totally in the minority. DD has my surname and we gave her DPs surname as a middle name. We will do the same for our next DC due in Nov.
We are also engaged and when we marry I wont be changing my name. I've told DP I'm happy for him to keep his surname if he wants but he's quite keen on changing to mine! We aren't very traditional.

We just like my surname more and seeing as I'm an only child we thought it would be nice to keep it going!

GnomeDePlume Thu 01-Sep-11 17:30:29

We were married but had different surnames when DCs were born. The DCs each have two middle names, the second one is my maiden name.

Never had any problems except doctor's receptionist complaining each time about all the work she had to go to to change the surname on the red book, did people think she had time for this mumble, mumble mumble.......

For some reason being married and having different surnames was more trouble than not being married and having different surnames. At least I think that was what she was mithering as she spent ooooooh a full 20 seconds changing the record over.

I have since changed my surname and noticed no resultant increase in efficiency at Doctors or school!

You could give your DCs a completely different surname which is neither but both ie not a hyphenated but a hybrid eg if your DP was called bread then your DCs could have CravingBread as their surname. The world is your mollusc.

EldritchCleavage Thu 01-Sep-11 17:35:06

No problems at all. DS has my surname then DH's surname (not hyphenated) and no one has had any difficulties with that. My staying 'Miss' on the other hand, seems to get people very worked up...Not that I care.

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