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Moms with no family or friends close by?

(11 Posts)
Sandra2011 Wed 31-Aug-11 13:21:53

We have recently moved more than 100 miles away from where we used to live. So our friends are back there and don't know anyone around here.

Both of our families live abroad and I've now started to worry what happens when the baby comes... we have a 2 year old. Who will look after him?

He arrived 3 weeks early so I cannot really count on anyone coming here and spending weeks waiting for a baby to arrive. People have their jobs and lives.
Cannot send him over to our neighbour as we wouldn't really trust them.

Like pregnant moms wouldn't worry enough smile

KatyN Wed 31-Aug-11 13:25:34

horrid suggestion : Your dh stays at home with your son and you go alone (my mum had to do this).

Nicer suggestion: 100 miles isn't THAT far if you phone them as soon as you think labour is starting? an hour and a half drive??? and if you explain to the hospital you need to stay at home for as long as possible??

justhayley Wed 31-Aug-11 13:28:14

Hiya I feel for u. My hubby's in the army and won't necessarily be able to be around for the birth and my family and friends are not that close by either!
It's frightening hey, but I'm sure you will just manage - when there's no choice something kicks in and you just do!
Well that's what I keep telling myself anyway!

Good luck hun


cravingcake Wed 31-Aug-11 13:43:48

When are you due? You should be able to meet some new friends before your new arrival, especially with a 2yo already you could take him to new playgroups where you will meet other mums who might be able to help you, either with emotional support and become good friends, or with babysitters they use.

Its not all bad, my parents moved away from their family and friends before I was born & my mum met my best friends mum while they were both pregnant with us at a playgroup with our older siblings, 30 something years on and we are still the closest of friends (even if now we live on other sides of the world, all my family is in NZ).

HPonEverything Wed 31-Aug-11 13:53:17

I'd plan as per KatyN's post - arrange for someone 100 miles away to come down, and let them know as soon as labour starts. If they've not arrived and it's becoming a close call then get a taxi to the hospital, leave DH and DS at home, and DH can follow you once the childcarer has arrived.

Fluter Wed 31-Aug-11 14:14:11

What about a home birth? Is that not an option for you?

pookamoo Wed 31-Aug-11 14:20:54

We are in a similar situation in that both DH and my parents are 100 miles away (in opposite directions!). DC2 due any day now, and the whole "unpredictable" side of it is really stressful, isn't it?!

Our plan is something like this:

If labour starts in the day, we'll phone my mum and she will make her way up here. It could take her about 2 hours, depending on what she is doing at the time of the call. In the meantime we will also call a friend from toddler group, and DD can go and play at their house until my mum goes and picks her up.

If labour starts at night, much the same except a friend who DD knows will come and stay at our house, so we don't have to wake and move her. My mum will make her way to us first thing in the morning.

Are you in the UK? (Only asking because you said "mom" I thought you might not be). How long have you got to go? I'm sure you will be able to meet some new friends in time for the birth, or as fluter says, would home birth be an option?

Good luck!

AlpinePony Wed 31-Aug-11 14:23:55

100 miles is bugger all.

I've got my MIL flying in to stay with us. Or, if it's an emergency then we'll get a babysitter and I'll not get as many visits as I'd have liked.

I expect to be having elcs though so we do kind of know when it's going to kick off. Mind you, I had a preemie last time, so who knows?

cjbartlett Wed 31-Aug-11 14:24:19

I gave birth with my second just me and the midwife
It was faster and I just wanted to get on with it second time round

Sandra2011 Wed 31-Aug-11 14:26:53

I had some problems with 1st delivery so absolutely no for home birth +
he arrived early and fast.

My husband would never let me go through that alone. He wants to be there.

Let's think how many of us would be able to leave our work or kids when the call comes and immediately hit the M4?

Last time I drove that 100+ miles it took almost 3 hours....

I think our only option is to get hired help.

FrustratedFrannie Wed 31-Aug-11 14:32:12

I had this problem as my situation was similar as yours. Ended up giving birth alone as DH had to take the other 3 DCs home (they had stayed with me in the ante natal ward until I was moved to the delivery room). DH's sister was supposed to have come up (she was an hour away) but in the end we decided not to bother her as it was 8pm and she was still at work. My only concern was that the DCs were being looked after as I did not want to worry about them while I was giving birth.

It was great actually, had a lovely midwife who left me alone and it was a relatively quick birth (2 hours after DH and DCs went home). He came back within 15 mins of DS being born as a neighbour sat with the DCs for a bit (we only live only 5 mins from the hospital). He went home after half an hour (did not know neighbour that well) and I enjoyed having the night time getting to know DS. DH came back with the DCs the next morning and they were soo excited, it was lovely. We then all went home together so I only had 12 hours in hospital.

I would actually recommend it as with my other births, DH got on my tits and there were times I could have punched him (very irritable in labour me), so I enjoyed the peace and was very, very proud of myself.

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