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Finding out the sex

(85 Posts)
hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 20:03:28

we are hoping to find out if were having a boy or a girl at our scan next week. I have had several people (friends and colleaues) ask if we know yet (wish I hadn't said "yes" when they asked if we would find out)

Do you think it's a bit odd that people would assume we will tell them, when we know. I don't want to tell the world ... If close family members want to know we'll tell them, but I feel a little confused that people in general would expect us to tell them just because we know.

usualsuspect Wed 24-Aug-11 20:05:41

Why wouldn't you tell people?

It always seems a bit weird to me when people know but keep it a secret

CBear6 Wed 24-Aug-11 20:30:59

If you want to find out but don't want to announce it officially until after baby is born then just tell them politely that you're wanting to keep it private for the time being.

The only issue you'd have though is if you tell someone and they tell someone else and eventually it gets out that you're having a boy/girl - baby news tends to travel fast

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 20:35:11

1. Because it's nine of their business.

2. Because we don't want to gave our child gender stereotyped before it's born.

Coldcuppacoffee Wed 24-Aug-11 20:38:43

I found it impossible to keep it a secret! I think it comes out somehow, there are always little clues.

I have always thought that if you know, everyone will know.

usualsuspect Wed 24-Aug-11 20:40:00

Well they will find out when its born anyway ,so whats a few months?

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 20:41:57

Thanks for your contribution usualsuspect

A few months is our special time as expectant parents - and our right to share or bot share whatever information we choose.

nocake Wed 24-Aug-11 20:47:40

We knew and didn't tell anyone. It stops people suggesting names or buying gender sterotyped stuff for the baby.

When anyone asked what we were having the response was "A baby".... or "A giraffe" but no-one ever believed me.

cluckypoo Wed 24-Aug-11 20:54:09

I found out i was having a boy a 20 weeks and couldn't have kept it a secret and started referring to him in a gender specific way; it felt wrong calling him "it" when i knew he was a "he". It made the pregnancy seem more real.

We haven't told people what name we are going to use but we're not sure ourselves yet; i want to see what he looks like first.

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 20:54:44

:0 people suggest names? Wow.

cluckypoo Wed 24-Aug-11 21:04:15

People, especially men, always suggest their own names!

MissRee Wed 24-Aug-11 21:07:14

We don't want to tell people so that when s/he's born, we can still announce boy/girl rather than just 'it's here'! We found out yesterday btw wink

natwebb79 Wed 24-Aug-11 21:08:12

You could just say that you wanted to find out but the baby was in the wrong position so you don't know. At least that would stop people asking, and if you do slip out with 'he' or 'she' just say it changes on a daily basis depending on how you feel smile

emmanumber3 Wed 24-Aug-11 21:11:04

If I were you I'd tell the people who know you're finding out the sex that "the sonographer couldn't tell us. Baby wouldn't open their legs." Or words to that effect.

If you don't want people to know, don't tell them. It's your baby, your pregnancy. Do what you want, not what people expect! grin

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 21:13:30

Thanks. Good to know I'm not a freak! I think we'll employ the "baby had it's legs shut" tactic.

LemonDifficult Wed 24-Aug-11 21:14:27

I think you're odd - not them - to find out and not want to share it. No one is THAT interested in your baby, most of the time they're just making conversation to be polite but those who genuinely are interested could use the information to help them choose pink or blue pressies. In the end, it's up to you of course, but it does smack of serious preciousness. Get over yourself!

Gastonladybird Wed 24-Aug-11 21:18:03

No it's your right to find out what it is and if you don't want to say then don't (I felt just same regarding dd).
That said you have to be careful not to give it away with slip of tongue(am very pleased as remember you from the hut of gloom.. Have name changed as was hard and sleazy )

JoInScotland Wed 24-Aug-11 21:19:45

We found out and didn't want to tell the whole world - our choice. Boy, was everyone pestering us to find out. I had said, "Just say we couldn't tell - baby wouldn't cooperate" to my DP or "we don't know -it's a suprise" but he said that was like lying. After the hassle we had for the last 4 months, he has already agreed to do it that way the next time round.

It is not pretentious, it is to avoid the entire gender stereotyping issue. We didn't get many presents, we didn't care about that, and when the neighbour knitted a raspberry coloured cardigan and booties, we happily put that on our son. She thought we were having a girl. Hey, he loves pink!

scarlettlips Wed 24-Aug-11 21:23:44

Just tell everyone you didn't find out the sex and keep it a secret..(not sure how anyone does this..grin) or just don't tell anyone.

Don't understand - 2. Because we don't want to gave our child gender stereotyped before it's born. confused

scarlettlips Wed 24-Aug-11 21:24:53

Or tell the world..either way! People will ask until s/he arrives...I just's Yellow!!

Crosshair Wed 24-Aug-11 21:25:18

Child gender stereotype issues?

FannyAnnPam Wed 24-Aug-11 21:31:01


I think I would (will, hopefully wink) keep it a secret if we find out in advance of birth.

I know what I am like though and would be likely to slip up so I will give the bump a non gender specific nick name (currently it is 'cub' privately between DH and me but it depends on scan tomorrow as to whether the 'cub' is even there) so that should I slip with a he/she reference people would just assume it is the nickname.

Someone I worked with went for wolfiedog (her young son's name suggestion) and she turned out to be a girl!!

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 21:32:04

lemon oh yes, certain people are! I am asked daily at work how I'm feeling, told daily that I am getting bigger every day, asked weekly if I know the sex etc etc etc.

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 21:34:30

hello gastonlady smile yes I am 29 weeks pregnant! So have veen avle to aviid the hut. How are you doing?

hairylights Wed 24-Aug-11 21:36:19

That's prt of the point lemon we dont want pink or blue outfits!

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