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Would be grateful for a pep talk please, just found out I'm pregnant AGAIN (will be our second baby born within a year)

(33 Posts)
Tinwe Wed 24-Aug-11 05:07:20

Hi, any positive words of wisdom would be gratefully received. We've just found out we're expecting another baby (not exactly sure of dates as hadn't had a period after our last baby).
Our first baby is now 4 months old and although she was a surprise is the light of our lives now). I'm still on maternity leave until new year. My husband is v unhappy about the new pregnancy as he's already worried about our finances (we moved house and got married within the last year) and wanted a rest after all the stress of the last year, but he is a good man and I know he will support me. I just feel so guilty - to him (as I foolishly read an article on using breastfeeding as conception which we believed), to our daughter who won't have the attention she deserves in her early months, even to my employers as I have only just negotiated reduced hours and a new workplace closer to home for my return from mat leave). On top of the guilt and feeling stupid for getting caught again (both times just one unprotected event lead to the pregnancy) the nausea is kicking in and was awful during my last pregnancy as well as SPD. We hadn't decided if we wanted more children but I was thinking not to as I wanted to spend all my time with my daughter.
I know we have been blessed, I have a friend who is possibly miscarrying a much wanted fertility drug made baby, this just makes me feel more guilty for feeling so badly about this.Thanks for reading this self centred moan, only my husband knows our news and in the middle of the night I don't want to stress him more with my worries.

mathanxiety Wed 24-Aug-11 06:05:06

Chin up. You have not let anyone down. Don't feel bad.

Be kind to yourself and concentrate on your physical needs as much as you can. Get as much rest and good nutrition as you can.

I had a neighbour whose second child was born the same year as her first ('Irish twins') and far from being a terrible nightmare, it worked out very well. She was also surprised both times and didn't even realise she was pregnant the second time until she felt the baby moving. The 2 DCs were great companions for each other and had the same interests throughout their childhoods -- no negotiating needed about activities or dragging one to an event that bored the other one silly. It was a lot of work and the terrible twos dragged on for twice the normal time, but once they were all through the worst of it with the house full of nappies and the sleepless nights, they were free and clear and never had to even think of any of that ever again.

Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations to the three of you.

nunnie Wed 24-Aug-11 08:18:04

I am currently 35 almost 36 weeks pregnant with number 3, and my youngest is 10 months I fell pregnant when he was 11 weeks old. It took a while to sink in, but now it has and I feel very lucky.
Give yourself time to get used to the news there is no rush to tell people.
I was worried it would affect my precious bonding time with my son, but to be honest it hasn't. The only difference with this pregnancy and my previous 2 is that there hasn't been a big countdown, it just seems to have gone very very quickly.

Moan away.

Tinwe Wed 24-Aug-11 09:04:00

Thank you so much math and nunnie. Will tell my DH about that story math and see if that helps cushion the blow as he's very close to his brothers. Glad to hear you don't feel it affected your bonding nunnie, congratulations on your pregnancy!
I'm feeling a little bit better now it's daylight but still dreading telling people, still feeling sick and haven't spoken to DH today yet... Irish twins! Never heard that phrase before. Does anyone know what will happen with my scans since I don't know my dates?

TheRealMBJ Wed 24-Aug-11 09:20:30

I didn't k ow my dates as I didn't have a period (although there'll be 22 months between DC) and my GP just booked me a dating scan. If it is between 9-14 weeks, I think they take that as the dating scan but if before, you get another one around 12 weeks.

Don't worry about the age gap too much. A friend of mine has 13 months between her DC and the youngest is now 14 mo. It was tough when her DD was not yet walking properly and Her DS was a newborn, but they've all come through it swimmingly.

Good luck

Tinwe Wed 24-Aug-11 09:44:14

Thanks thereal, I've now contacted the midwife and waiting to hear about scans. I think I'm about 5-6 weeks so maybe I'll get 2 scans.

fiodyl Wed 24-Aug-11 10:15:11

My two were born just 49 weeks apart, it was a bit hectic in the early weeks but u soon get into a routine of feeds/nappy changes. People with twins(and more) cope with 2 babies so it is possible. In fact strangers will often ask if they are twins and sometimes its easier to lie and say yes rather than explain grin Now DD and DS are best of friends (most of the time) and it makes it so much easier that they have similar interests/abilities.

xkatyx Wed 24-Aug-11 10:32:44

I have 3 children and youngest is now 7 months old.

I am pregnant with TWINS due in dec so they will be born the same year ahhhhhh totally freaked out!!

I am 20 weeks now and it's funny how after time you work it all out and it don't seam so scarey!!

Tinwe Wed 24-Aug-11 19:36:27

Fiodyl, thanks for your story. I'm already trying to picture how our routine would work, DH is trying to figure out where to put him if he's a boy! DH is still v down about the news.
Wow xkatyx, very philosophical! I think it would just about finish us off if we have twins!

madmomma Wed 24-Aug-11 22:07:04

Same here Tinwe, & I'm shitting it too! I think the first few months will be insane, but then it'll be easy later on. Hope so! At least we don't need to buy much.

Tinwe Wed 24-Aug-11 22:41:07

Congratulations madmomma, are they your first two?

madmomma Wed 24-Aug-11 22:59:54

Thanks.x No I've a 13 year old daughter as well as my baby son, and the baby I'm expecting is a girl, due xmas eve.

mamaGool Thu 25-Aug-11 11:51:38

Good things about having your babies close together:
- little or no sibling rivalry
- less overall time messing about with nappies
- you only need to "get your figure back" once
- all your family & friends will give you even MORE help
- your career is only interrupted once

Good luck!

4kidsnobump Thu 25-Aug-11 20:56:46

Congratulations!

I had 11 months between my first 2 - who are now 5 and 4. They get on brilliantly well and are so easy now. We then had a 3 year gap and had DC3 - which I found much harder as had got out of the whole 'baby stage' by then, and then had DC4, who is 2 weeks old, and there is exactly 13 months between DC3 & 4!

I know small gaps are not for everyone, but I personally found them much easier. The worst thing, as you say is the whole work situation, I still kept working between my kids. You may get sick of all the jokes from people though - how many times have I been asked if we own a TV...!

AttillaTheMum Thu 25-Aug-11 21:31:11

congrats.

I have 11 months between my two. Yes it is hard, but it gets easier.

WRT money, it actually goesnt work out that much more expensive. You ae usually buying the stuff anyway!

busybee1983 Thu 25-Aug-11 21:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmomma Thu 25-Aug-11 22:12:27

Ah congrats busybee! Your dp'll come round. grin

TheOriginalFAB Thu 25-Aug-11 22:15:28

Why are people in shock when they conceive after shagging? confused

sleepevader Fri 26-Aug-11 08:32:35

That was a helpful comment- not! The OP has already admitted she feels silly at trusting breastfeeding.

OP I think you need to embrace this and look at all the positives.
My sister did this twice. Both Irish twin sets are very close. No rivalry.

Financially you will only be marginally worse off. Toys can be shared- they entertain each other. Clothes handed down. Bedrooms can be
shared. When cooking family meals stretch- cooking for 4 is hardly any different than 3!

Plus you will get the exhausting days out the way sooner and the childcare bills won't drag over a long period if you do return to work!

Good luck and hope your DP gets over his shock soon.

BedHog Fri 26-Aug-11 08:49:24

Congratulations to all the pregnant people above!!!

I'm just envy that you all managed to resume bedtime relations so quick - took me 5 months to feel recovered enough to try!

TheOriginalFAB Fri 26-Aug-11 08:50:33

I was just saying in general, rather than to the OP, as so may people post about how shocked they are to discover that are pregnant when they have had sex and not used contraception.

madmomma Fri 26-Aug-11 10:19:03

Sometimes contraception fails doesn't it? So that way, pregnancy would be a shock. Plus humans aren't always rational, so something that we could reason was likely to happen at some point, can still be a shock at the time - a baby's first word, for example.

differentnameforthis Fri 26-Aug-11 11:58:52

Why are people in shock when they conceive after shagging? without contraception!!

busybee1983 Fri 26-Aug-11 15:24:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety Fri 26-Aug-11 15:29:36

I still have no idea how DD4 was conceived. (Yes, I know all about the birds and bees thing in case anyone is thinking of sending me a pamphlet grin)

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