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Pregnancy

Ways to include MIL?

6 replies

Crosshair · 16/08/2011 15:40

I've always been fairly close to my inlaws, we only live 10 mins away and usually see them about once a week.

I'm worried that MIL is feeling left out pregnancy wise. She seemed very off yesterday when I mentioned popping round after the scan, when previously shes been really excited. Got the impression that we've upset her somehow as she was very dismissive, which is extremely out of character for her.

Also a few weeks ago she seemed suprised that my mum had bought lots of bits and bobs for baby as she hasnt bought anything yet as apprently dp told her not to bother. I explained I didnt expect her to buy us anything but if she wanted to then great.

Any idea's on how I can make her feel more included? or does it sound like I've turned into a hormonal crazy lady and Im making an issue when there isnt one. :)

OP posts:

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nunnie · 16/08/2011 15:47

Hormonal crazy lady :)

Maybe she is/was having an off day. I am close to my in laws too, but my MIL tends to feel useless when the baby arrives well she did with DS, because my mum took full control of sitting duties with DD and MIL didn't get a look in.
It is hard to please everyone, and this time I will make it clear to DH that if his mum offers to have the children then he is to agree my mum will have to take a backseat.

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MrsBloomingTroll · 16/08/2011 19:14

Does DH have a sister i.e. does MIL have a DD of her own who will be going through the baby thing at some stage in the future? If so, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. I didn't really do much to include MIL in either our wedding preparations or having DD1 because I knew she would get to do all of that with my SIL (which she since has) - MIL and SIL are very close.

TBH, I think that pregnancy, and then early days with a newborn, it's a time when you are extremely hormonal and need to put yourself (and the baby) first. All the stories about nightmare MILs on MN following the birth of a baby are there for a reason! If you feel like including her on something (maybe a shopping trip nearer the birth?) then that's nice of you, but after the birth the last person I wanted around was my MIL (esp when trying to establish breastfeeding, boobs out!) - I wanted my own Mum!

(This will all come back to bite me in the future if DC2 turns out to be a son!)

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pruney1977 · 16/08/2011 19:59

What an odd thread lol, if I gave my MIL an inch she'd be having the baby for me! She told me the other day that she was coming to the hospital as soon as I went into labour so she could be first in - she didn't ask, she TOLD me! She's since been put straight. I'm obviously biased because of the type of MIL I have but if I were you, I'd resist any strange hormonal urges to include her, if she turns into a nightmare you've then no way of getting out of it without offending her.

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Catsycat · 16/08/2011 20:57

You're so lucky to have a nice MIL. Mine is completely bonkers, I'm afraid! If she is as nice as she sounds, then I'm sure she'll get over what has upset her. It may not even have been you she was upset with - maybe just a coincidence.

If you want to include her more, then maybe you could ask her to help put a little bit of the nursery together, or go shopping with her for the baby. If she offers to buy something, then have an idea ready so you can take her up on the offer - she probably does want to buy something for you. Can she knit or sew at all, or does she cook? Maybe you could ask her to do things like knit some little clothes, or make the nursery curtains, or cook some meals for your freezer. I wouldn't go overboard trying to pander to her, as it is your baby, but would try to think of ways that would appeal to her, and would be useful to you, that could make her feel she was contributing something toward the pg.

Good luck - if only families were not such a minefield!

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glitternanny · 16/08/2011 21:21

Mine is coming into the delivery room with me!! To support OH and give me a slap if I need it - my Mum would be useless - not that she knows about MIL yet.

Hope you get it sorted.

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Crosshair · 16/08/2011 21:57

Thanks for the replies, talked to her earlier and shes seems excited again about the scan and is looking forward to us popping round. Think you're right about it just being an off day, I've been a teary mess today it must be all the hormones. :)

Think I will ask her if she would like to go shopping next week to look at baby stuff together.