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Some people!!! >:( (RANT)

(24 Posts)
NatzCNL Mon 15-Aug-11 19:52:45

Sorry I just need to let off some steam. Am furious at the moment and have nobody here to chew their ear off...

I am 34 weeks pregnant with a DD, and have 2 DD's at home aged 3 and 4, I lost a DD last year due to a severe heart defect when she was 15 weeks gestation, so yes I may be slightly sensative to other peoples reactions, however, if one more person gives me the sympathy look and say's 'oh well, not to worry' I am really worried I may just hit them!

Yes I have 2 daughters already, and yes this baby is also a girl, but NO, I am not sitting at home with my head in my hands weeping because she isn't a boy. And how DARE the woman in the high street today tut and tell me I have 'just been unlucky' to be expecting another girl! A total stranger telling me how unlucky I am to be having a healthy baby girl!!!! I just stood there open mouthed. She then said, 'but your girls are beautiful though' - yes they bloody well are, who the hell does she think she is!

I understand the gender disappointment for some couples, DP suffered with this slightly when we found out DD's sex, but for friends, family and complete strangers to look so sorry for us because we are having another girl is in my opinion bloody rude. My brother-in-law (who doesn't pay much attention to anything outside his own bubble) asked me a couple of days ago if we knew what we were having, then rolled his eyes and and shook his head and said 'oh no' when I said we were having a girl. In fact I can count on one hand how many people who haven't reacted in a negative way.

I really wish we hadn't told anyone what we are having because I would hope they wouldn't react so negatively when baby is here.

Being that this is our last child, we would have loved to have had a son too, but there is not one part of me that is upset that our baby is a girl. And no, for the thousand time - we will not be 'trying again'! The amount of people who say 'yeah, right' when I tell them this is our last baby is really infuriating. We wanted 3 children, not 2 of one and one of the other. We didn't have a boy, so what?! Our daughters are healthy and happy. People's reactions are really getting me down. I want to enjoy my last pregnancy and especially as I am in the final weeks now. Im just so fed up of all these negative reactions!

DP said I should just tell people that we dont know the sex or that baby is a boy if it's getting to me so much. But why should I? I am happy to be having another girl, as happy as I would have been if she had been a boy. Why should I have to lie?!

Sorry, rant over. Thanks for listening x

Esian Mon 15-Aug-11 20:00:17

Yanbu- I had this so much with my dds. It drove me mad. I love my girls and feel so lucky to have daughters. Even my mil said 'oh never mind' when I told her I was expecting another girl angry.

AKMD Mon 15-Aug-11 20:02:58

This happens to a lot of people who get 2 or 3 children of the same sex and I'm sure it is both irritating and upsetting when people commiserate, no matter what the parents might be feeling. In your case you are extra sensitive because of your loss so I think your DP is right - you might want to celebrate a healthy baby but you are exposing yourself to these upsetting situations and it might be better go do as he suggests and not mention gender - after all, you are celebrating a baby not the gender, right?

natwebb79 Mon 15-Aug-11 20:03:26

What is it with people?! Sounds like you've had a right time of it! I'd just point out how wonderful it is that you haven't got to fork out for many new clothes and that three sisters is better than one poor boy suffocating under makeup and 'times of the month', haha! I don't actually believe that, like you I think any combo is wonderful. Might shut them up a bit though! For what it's worth a colleague of mine is one of 6 sisters and I look at photos of their family events with complete envy - they are all soooo close and beautiful. Many congrats and enjoy your gorgeous family smile x

Crosshair Mon 15-Aug-11 20:04:41

Im sorry people are giving you such a hard time.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Mon 15-Aug-11 20:05:56

Some people just shouldn't be allowed out in public, what idiots!

Hearty congratulations on your new baby, i bet you are thrilled. smile

Ilythia Mon 15-Aug-11 20:06:13

YANBU, I was the 4th girl for my parents, they had a boy 7 yrs after me and people used to tell me at the age of 7 that if I had been a boy mum 'wouldn't have needed to try again'

Mum has said it would have really helped if he had beena girl as she wouldn't have had to buy clothes for him ever....grin

peeriebear Mon 15-Aug-11 20:10:41

YANBU! I had comments like these after I had DD2... "Oh, don't you wish you'd had a boy" WTF?? No I don't, she is just fine thanks!

Ilythia Mon 15-Aug-11 20:17:43

I was glad dd2 was a girl, I didn't have to cope with willies at changing time!

NatzCNL Mon 15-Aug-11 20:21:38

Thanks all, I dont understand people's reactions either. If I was crying telling them it was another girl then maybe that would explain their reactions, but I tell them with happiness and pride.

AKMD, I tried once to tell another well meaning stranger that we didn't know, (partly because I felt weird telling a stranger the sex before my own mum) and she was adamant it was a boy because of every old wives tale under the sun - shape, height, size of my bum etc. Think that would infuriate me too. Very sensative and think it's probably better that I just stay indoors away from people to be honest!

I know that this probably isn't going to stop once she is here, there will still be the odd dickhead who will stare at my brood and tut 'all girls, oh dear'.

How awful Ilythia that anybody would say that to a 7 year old! I would be furious if someone said that to my girls.

Im not sure what is worse, the reactions from freinds and family, or the reaction from complete strangers. Obviously our friends and family know what we have been through which is why I react so badly to their repsonses, but the woman in the high street today took the biscuit telling me we had been unlucky this time. I had one woman (why is it always the older female generation?!) who wished me better luck next time!!!

Feeling better having got that off my chest. Thanks for letting me rant! x

NatzCNL Mon 15-Aug-11 20:23:54

PS - thank you too for the congratulations all of you. Am now nearly in tears (bloomin' hormones and lack of sleep) so nice to hear nice comments for once xxx smile

littlebrighteyes Mon 15-Aug-11 20:24:29

people seem to make a habit of being very unsensitive among pregnant ladies................hugs for you -just let it ride over you -i know its hard -found it hard to deal with my emotions alot during this pregnancy xxx all the best xxx

Katiebeau Mon 15-Aug-11 20:35:29

Congratulations on your soon to arrive baby DD. I have had people congratulate me that my DC2 is a boy, not another DD and I am offended on DDs behalf (and I am quite upset about having to give away all DD's clothes!!!)

thegingerone Mon 15-Aug-11 20:37:50

Firstly congratulations!!

Secondly people are utter IDIOTS!! I got this from one of my best friends when I told her my dc2 20 week scan indicated a ds2. ("Oh dear, I guess you can always try again." WTF?)

As it turns out i'm prob pg with dd1 (but only cos I wanted three dc not to "make" a girl) If dc3 is a girl I expect with 8yr and 5yr old brothers she'll be a tomboy anyway. I expect in my newly laboured state I'll end up telling someone where to stick "At last you've got your daughter" comments. Expecially if they say anything in front of my boys!

Finally I'm dead jealous of you. I'd love to have three girls! A bunch of sisters is fab!!! (As it one boy/two girls or three boys or one girl/two boys )

Why can't people think about what they're saying?

MadamDeathstare Mon 15-Aug-11 20:39:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDuckSaysMoo Mon 15-Aug-11 20:48:04


YANBU - this would drive me up the wall. I'm expecting dc2 now and will be over the moon with either gender. Some people are just so rude.

Next time someone asks you could try saying, "I'm really hoping for another girl," and leave it at that.

NatzCNL Mon 15-Aug-11 20:55:06

It seems the world is full idealistic idiots who just dont think before they speak. Thanks for all the responses. TheDuckSaysMoo - think that is the way forward, good suggestion!

I am really looking forward to meeting our newest daughter, as are my other 2 daughters. Just gotta ignore the comments from others and focus on our family unit. DP is also over joyed at having a third daughter and after the initial shock of the sex settled in, he hasn't stopped boasting about it. smile

YouDoTheMath Mon 15-Aug-11 21:10:27

People are twats.

As much as I'd love a boy at some point, if the rest of mine turned out to be girls I'd feel utterly blessed.

Hate the eye-rolling thing, too. People never do that when it's the first, do they? Some people can't seem to resist it when you so much as announce you're pregnant "again".

superjobee Mon 15-Aug-11 21:19:09

i get the ''well done you can stop at 2 now cant you'' as we have DD and im pg with a DS. we may have more, we may not. but why is it someones right to tell you what you should or shouldnt have and how happy you should be about it! ignorant bar stewards the lot of them congrats to you on another DD and fingers up to the idiots who say anything different in RL smile

lollystix Mon 15-Aug-11 21:29:43

Total sympathise (not with you having another girl - congratulations) but regarding the fuckwit comments (which mainly do seem to come from women over 50 I find).

I'm pregs with fourth son. I got so much shit when ds3 was born (we didn't find out sex) and to be honest I found the comments so hurtful. Was reminded the other day when my aunt (who had one boy and then fertility issues, 7 years of trying and then adopted a girl so you think she would understand the joy of having another) gave me the same chat about ds4 as I got after ds3 - "oh another boy - what a shame!". I pointed out SIL was expecting a girl and the response was "oh what a clever girl she is".

Also SIL herself told me she was finding out gender as she wanted to "prepare herself incase it was a boy" as "every woman wants a girl' really". I was just left speechless with the complete lack of tact when she knows I'm due my fourth son. But then as she also pointed out that won't be happening to her as "she wouldn't be having 4" (she also knows ds4 was unplanned so it wasn't as if we consciously went for 4). I was hurt with the shit I got with ds3 but now I'm just very thick skinned - yes I'm having four and yes I AM pleased he's a boy!!

notlettingthefearshow Tue 16-Aug-11 00:14:39

You are a better person for rising above others who clearly have gender preferences. If you have happy, healthy children, you are extremely lucky, IMO!

I haven't even had my first baby yet and have already been told my MIL they'll be happy if it's a boy as they already have 'too many girls' in their side of the family. I was sort of expecting her to think that, but there was no need to actually say it.

Offspring Tue 16-Aug-11 03:51:55

I am one of four girls and, growing up, always got "what, and no boys? Your poor parents!". I used to wonder what was so wrong with girls! Turns out nothing and I am close to all of my sisters and love the bond that we have. I'm pregnant with DC2 (a DS following a DD) and while I am truly delighted to be having a boy, I would have been equally ecstatic to be having a girl as I know how wonderful the relationship can be. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy smile.

tiredchocoholic Tue 16-Aug-11 05:15:34

I am pg with DC3 and don't know whether it is a boy or a girl - I am absolutely over the moon to be expecting again and couldn't be less concerned about the baby's gender. I already have a DS and DD so what has surprised (and annoyed me) is the number of people whom have felt the need to ask why we are "bothering" to have another baby when we already have one of each.......erm, because we would like another CHILD!! Some of these comments have come from good friends, too, who couldn't understand my broodiness and feelings of an 'incomplete' family over the past few years (DD is 7 and DS is 5), it's as though we have ticked the 'pink' and 'blue' boxes already and so I should have moved on by now! So many people have commented on how lucky I am not to have to worry about what sex the baby is, given I already have one of each - part of me understands what they are saying, but I personally find it insulting to insinuate that I (or anyone else) could get so hung up on gender that the baby's health, happiness, personality etc etc becomes secondary. If I was having my third daughter or my third son I would be feeling equally blessed. Such ignorant, narrow minded numpties need to bugger off and keep their mouths closed, IMO!!

3rdtimesacharm Tue 16-Aug-11 05:32:39

Congratulations. How wonderful to be having another gorgeous baby.

I had ds this year after having 2 dds and found the 'you got your boy then' comments completely insensitive. We too had lost a baby at 21 weeks inbetween our dds and were just so grateful to have a healthy baby. I really don't understand why complete strangers feel that it is appropriate to comment on the make up of our families. Like you op, I wanted 3 children regardless of their sex and would have been equally happy with another dd. IMO all my dcs are amazing and random old dears, as it usually is, can sod off.

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