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Anyones OH giving up smoking?

(10 Posts)
glitternanny Sun 14-Aug-11 10:38:41

mine has been cutting down and now is saying he'll visit the nurse and get the patches/pills whatever to help.

And kept going on about how hard it is and he might not be successful, how rubbish his willpower is and how ex-smokers constantly feel tempted and miss smoking even years and years after stopping.

I HATE the smell on his clothes, hands, breath (I've always made him smoke outside) and the expense and he promised he'd give up as soon as I was pregnant, i'm now 26 weeks.

I hope he does it and can approach it a bit more positively.

I guess if he doesn't make it I can't force him to stop but its a big expense (£100pm+) esp when I'm on SMP sad

If he doesn't manage it I'd want him to change his clothes, have a wash, brush his teeth before he went near the baby - is that unreasonable.

I often wonder what his second hand smoke (not that he smokes around me as such) from his clothes etc is doing to me...

Crosshair Sun 14-Aug-11 12:32:47

Nope, he choses to smoke outside. I dont expect him to quit and he has no interest in doing so.

I would assume when the baby is born he will be smoking less due to being busy being a dad and the hassle of putting his coat on and washing his hands everytime will put him off.

Knew I was getting a smoker and its his money, so I cant complain. smile

SoBroken Sun 14-Aug-11 12:40:10

Tell him that even if he smokes outside, he is still breathing out noxious chemicals for half an hour after he's had a fag, so brushing his teeth and changing his clothes won't make any difference when he's holding the baby, he's just as poisonous!

It might help him to make up his mind to quit once and for all, worked for someone I know.

singforsupper Sun 14-Aug-11 12:43:50

13 years in after dcs my dp still smokes, but it's rollies and it's outside. I have resigned myself to the fact that it won't change. He doesn't smoke a lot either.

With rollups the toxins and crap go into his own lungs and not waft around for us to deal with (he used to smoke in the back room until I took the door off).

When you're well off financially it isn't such an issue, and also if they control it and smoke outside well away from dcs. I have heard that the poisons and toxins are still exuding from their breath well after they've put the fag out, so baby cuddles should be approached with caution.

It's sad that he won't give up, but you have to accept it and hope that one day he will shame himself into actually quitting. Never underestimate how hard it is though. Smokers quitline helped me stop, easier than patches!

NorthernChinchilla Sun 14-Aug-11 13:46:47

It's a tough issue, and it's different when you yourself either have or haven't been a smoker.

Much as I'd love DP to give up, I take the view that when we met, years ago, we were both smokers, and continued for quite some time. I gave up 18 months ago, as I always said I would, in early prep for ttc. He loves smoking, although only a few roll-ups a day, and we've come to compromise agreements (essentially he smokes in one room of the house with the door shut, and not near me at any point) as time's gone on.

Although lives change, I don't feel I can issue ultimatums (as I wouldn't expect him to) and think that we just have to compromise.

However, if you're a non-smoker and always have been, and your OH promised to give up for the baby, it's a bit different. Best thing you can do is to keep at it, and offer support, and also be very aware that it's unlikely your OH will give up first time, and it will take several relapses before he finally kicks it. At those points, don't get angry with OH, which will alienate them, but just agree a date for them to try to stop again.

glitternanny Sun 14-Aug-11 20:14:54

thanks for all your wise words.

We met online and he actually told me he wasn't a smoker - something I soon discovered was wrong.

He doesn't seem to like talking about it and in 5 months he's cut down a little i'm worried he's not taking it seriously, he'd definately object to me asking for a commitment of a quit date. He has given up before for months at a time - not since I've known him.

Thanks for the advice about the smoke hanging around - I hadn't thought of that - will have to look into it and maybe impose a 30min delay before he gives bubba cuddles. And to keep the doors closed when he's outside do it doesn't drift in.

I hate the thought of him disappearing when i'm in hospital and coming back in stinking of smoke - I've never smoked and am anti it - but have put up with it.

sigh

Thanks ladies.

exciteddotcom Mon 15-Aug-11 09:40:42

YES! DH said he would give up when I became pregnant- (which I did), then when we had the 12 week scan, then at 20 week scan, then we had a group weekend away, so he waited for that. 3 weeks to go and he has stopped for a week. It is hard for both of us, he smoked 20 a day and is on the patches and now has the motivation. I think it is really hard for guys though, I really believe it's true that men don't become fathers until they see the baby. He is a bit snappy and tries to occupy himself in the evenings.(which is good for getting all those little jobs done!)
It is his decision to quit, but it makes sense financially, and what you said SoBroken about the noxious chemicals is pretty worrying, I had heard that before.

nosexpleaseimpregnant Mon 15-Aug-11 13:28:30

I personally don't think you can force someone to give up smoking, it's an addiction and is very difficult to kick. I stopped smoking the day I found out I was pregnant (as I had always said I would) but that hasn't stopped me wanting a cigarette nearly every day!! My OH has found it incredibly difficult to give up, and I haven't berated him when he's slipped up and had one, I'm just thankful that he thinks enough of me to at least try. We have never smoked in our house as, even as a smoker, I hated the idea that it smelt like an ashtray when you walk through the front door.
I'm 3 months pregnant now and it's been 2 weeks since OH has had a cigarette, and at times he's been hideous because of the cravings (I have told him to just have one when he got too narky but he still didn't smile). I'm proud of him as I have a reason to give up, whereas he's giving up to make it easier for me.
I think your list of demands before he goes anywhere near the baby are verging on the ridiculous, that's a surefire way of alienating him from the both of you and it's unfair to have unrealistic expectations. The amount of washing you're going to have to do will increase massively without his 5 different outfits a day (going on the assumption that that is how much he smokes of course, it it's more then god help you!!)

danio7 Mon 15-Aug-11 15:34:58

YES!! my DH has promised to give up the day that the baby is born... my due date is in 10 days!

I have never hassled him with this as he isn't too bad- about 5 a day.
I think my technique is called giving him enough rope to hang himself because if he has just ONE cigarette the day the baby is here I will go bezerk.

I am a firm believer in the fact that if one or both of your parents smoke you are far more likely to, I dont want my baby to be a smoker wink

nosexpleaseimpregnant Mon 15-Aug-11 15:42:10

I totally agree danio - my mother smoked and I ended up starting when I was 10 shock blush
I put this down to her and step-father asking me to light their cigarettes on the cooker downstairs when they were too lazy to do it themselves (my mother was a terrible parent, and that is not a joke) and curiousity getting the better of me.
I really do hope I don't go back to smoking once baby is born but I'm certainly not going to give myself a hard time if I do.

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