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When To Spill?

(15 Posts)
LittleWhiteHeart Thu 11-Aug-11 15:11:47

Hi All

Found out last week that I'm pregnant (think I'm roughly 5 weeks this week) and haven't got an appointment with the midwife until 22nd August. Just wondering when do you start to tell people?

It's my first pregnancy and although I'm super excited and can't wait to tell people, I feel it's still early and what if - God forbid - something happens/I miscarry. I'm not too worried about work finding out as my social circles are completely different to work circles just wondering when is best to tell friends and family?!

LWH x

kat2504 Thu 11-Aug-11 15:21:51

The traditional advice is wait for your 12 weeks scan.

However, that is an awfully long time and if you spend a lot of time with your friends and family they are bound to cotton on before that.

My advice is to tell people you would feel comfortable with knowing if the worst did happen. Close friends, parents perhaps. Ask them to keep it under wraps until you have had your scan. Don't tell people who have big mouths and like to spread gossip! When you get to 12 weeks then you will be able to make a lovely public announcement and tell everyone else who probably guessed a month earlier! It's also useful if there is someone you can confide in at work incase you feel sicky and also you will need some time off before 12 weeks for your appointments.

Best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy smile

Crosshair Thu 11-Aug-11 15:53:27

I only told our parents untill the first scan. The first time I mc'd at 5 weeks and had to untell them a few days later, which was awful. Got pregnant pretty much stright away and told them again at about 6 weeks.

Its whatever you feel happy with.

Congratulations!

Nanny01 Thu 11-Aug-11 15:54:49

I waited longer this time, Baby no5 and have seen the highs and lows of telling or not telling. If you think everyone will be positive tell a few select people if not wait as long as possible I waited till 17 weeks. We didn't tell our existing kids and our parents as we wanted to enjoy these weeks without endless questions. Now my mum knows she keeps asking when the scan is ie what sex we are having and part of me wonders if we will keep it to ourselves. I did trust a couple of close friends though and they kept it to themselves.

IssyStark Thu 11-Aug-11 15:55:14

Having been though 10 pregnancies (one is now ds, 8 ended as losses and 10th is currently 22w), I've tried lots of combinations of who to tell when.

Personally I think telling very close friends and family almost as soon as you know (or at least from after 6 weeks as many m/c happen before 6w) - you'll have some support should the worst happen. Also stress that this is confidential and not to be passed about until you know everything is okay (my MiL was gaily telling everyone, even her bloody hairdresser about my first pregnancy which ended at 11.5w and was annoyed at me that she's have to untell them!). But hold off announcing it to other friends and gossipy aunts until after the 12w scan if you can.

Anyway, hopefully everything will go okay for you and it won't be an issue (it does for the vast majority, I'm definitely a statistical outlier wink)

ALotToTakeIn Thu 11-Aug-11 16:28:25

We told parents and siblings as soon as we knew at 5 weeks but made them keep shtum. Were planning on waiting til after the 12 week scan to tell the world but I felt so sick I was finding it really hard to act all chirpy when i just wanted to curl up in bed! so we told most people at 10 weeks. Figured if we were to loose bump then every one would be around to support us.

Sandra2011 Thu 11-Aug-11 16:47:13

In my first pregnancy I told everyone after 12 week scan but maybe this time I'll wait a bit longer.

I had a mc last year and now I am really really careful. And also we're not going to see any of our family until my 20 week scan so it will be ok.

notcitrus Thu 11-Aug-11 17:06:31

I only found out about my first pregnancy when I was over 14 weeks, which was great as as soon as that was confirmed in a scan, I could tell everyone (starting with MrNC, obviously!) - no way could I have kept quiet!

This time I found out around 6 weeks, told 3 people, then MrNC let it out soon afternto his parents when they asked if we'd had any joy producing no.2 yet, so then I told my parents in case the ILs did, spelling out not to get too excited yet as it's very early days, and then it came out to various friends over the next few weeks - generally the ones I'd want to know if I had a mc. And I had to tell my manager as I had to take time off sick.

Once it got to 11ish weeks I stopped trying to avoid mentioning it. At nearly 13 weeks I've told most people I know and that they can tell people, but I'm not doing a public announcement on Facebook or anything as I don't want random acquaintances to know, just in case.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 12-Aug-11 14:43:00

Whatever you decide, just take care with respect to whom you tell. I stupendously stupidly told a sort of friend what my MN nickname was, and then posted here about being pregnant (I am high risk at 45 and DH is not supportive). Said Friend called a mutual friend to discuss what she had found out on MN. She later then called me and I told her that I knew she knew - if you know what I mean grin and that all was well.

However, that friend then thought it appropriate to tell me that "a similar thing" happened to her mother. When the mother was in hospital some years ago, the hospital staff told the mother that she was pregnant. The mother insisted that she was not, but hosp said otherwise. They undertook a scan and it transpired that mother had a cyst which made it seem that she was pregnant. Said friend then went on to reassure me that I should not worry, though, because she is sure that I will be fine.

Why the fuck she thought telling me that would be of any fucking use whatsoever is completely beyond me. That is why I do not want all and sundry knowing about me being nearly 8 weeks gone - all the goddam crap that gets spouted at you when you are hormonal, vulnerable and generally feeling crap is Not Welcome.

Yes, I did tell friend that the reason why I had not told everyone is that I did not want to be told stories about cysts and such like crap. She said yes yes yes and then told me she was sure that everything would be okay.

If I remotely felt like drinking wine, tonight would be the night. The thought of it alone makes me green grin.

AlpinePony Fri 12-Aug-11 14:54:11

It depends who and why I think.

I lost my first early.

During my second I was very ill with hyperemesis and had to tell my manager at 7 weeks because I was a zombie. I told "the world at large" at 10+5 following a successful scan.

This time around I'm now 13 weeks and a few friends & family know but I've not said a dicky-bird to work as I'm in the middle of an internal transfer. Because of that I've not made a fb announcement (even though I'm ITCHING to wink) because of colleagues on it.

Personally I'd not hold back on telling people, should the worst happen then you'd hope you could draw comfort from them - nobody will ever "think bad of you" for having a mc.

Congratulations.

LittleWhiteHeart Fri 12-Aug-11 15:04:31

Thanks for all the replies and kind wishes. smile

I guess we'll just tell parents for now and family and friends later. Luckily, so far, I haven't had any major problems with morning sickness/tiredness - in fact I've probably got more energy than usual - so hopefully work won't cotton on until well after my 12 week scan.

It's just such a big secret to keep, and we've got so many engangements lined up over the next few weeks! Ooh, I can already feel myself going red at the thought of 'casually' turning down a glass of wine at BBQ's/Parties/Gigs ... oh dear! wink

Thanks again

LWH x

LIG1979 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:43:57

I think I would tell the people that I need to support me should I have another miscarriage. Last time, I only told family and whilst my MIL was great the rest were no support whatsoever. I then had to tell my friends that not only had I been pregnant but I had lost it. Next time I will tell them earlier on so that they can support me if needed.

Similarly with work, I didn't tell work (in case it didn't work out so it didn't affect my career) but then had to tell them with all the time I took off for the miscarriage. So it sort of defeated the point but work were really good and made me realise how lucky I was to work where I do.

Hopefully, your pregnancy will be smooth sailing so you won't need to worry about this. x

Oeisha Fri 12-Aug-11 19:30:34

I told work as soon as I found out as there are certain things I cannot do whilst pg...so you may need to think about that. I work in a supermarket so, lots of potentially heavy lifting, as well as with open foods, so there are things I didn't want to be near (and still don't), also the dining room at work gets VERY hot in summer, and it's been recommended that on these days I'm not in there for more than 10mins...so, well, if you're in an office environment you'll probably be ok, but think about it.
We didn't tell family until 11+5 wks (there was a chance DH couldn't make the 12wks scan), really didn't want to build up our own hopes (I had early bleeding).
The only other thing to think about if full time is when to fit in antenatal apointments...your employer is obliged to be flexible to fit these in if you're UK based.

Oeisha Fri 12-Aug-11 19:31:08

Oh and congrats!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Fri 12-Aug-11 19:44:06

oops!!! blush of course: Congratulations!!

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