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To find out the sex or not? Did you for no two?

(25 Posts)
Brewster Sat 06-Aug-11 18:46:31

we didnt find out for my son but we are thinking of finding out this time round.
Any pros and cons ?
People who did and didnt findout for 2nd or more pregnancies?


SandStorm Sat 06-Aug-11 18:47:42

I did but purely for practical reasons - I had four years worth of girls clothes in the wardrobe and if I was having a boy I was going to have a major clear out. As it happens they came in handy.

Poweredbypepsi Sat 06-Aug-11 18:54:47

we didnt for number one but did for 2,3,4. now for 5 we are thinking of having a surprise we have thrown all of our baby stuff so wont really make much difference.

apple99 Sat 06-Aug-11 18:59:46

We didn't for number 1, we did the 2nd time as dd1 is now 4.5 and was desperate to know and also dh really wanted to find out so we could clear out all of the girl stuff if need be. We don't need to as dd2 is due in less than 2 weeks time smile

We decided when we found out that we would not tell anyone our chosen name, I think it's nice to keep something to ourselves until the birth.

pootlebug Sat 06-Aug-11 19:01:39

I didn't for either number 1 or number 2, and don't plan to for number 3. All our newborn stuff is unisex anyway, due to not finding out in advance previous times, so there wasn't really a practical reason to bother for us.

lockets Sat 06-Aug-11 19:02:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brewster Sat 06-Aug-11 19:07:27

so no one regretted finding out?
we were planning a kinda party to reveal the sex and i was all for it but now i dunno.
i want to and i dont.
i was convinced baby1 was a girl (cos EVERYBODY kept saying it was so after a while you start to think to too) and it took me 2 weeks to get used to the idea he was a boy.
I also had terrible post natal depression the first time so we were thinking to reduce any surprise and try to get everything as planned and 'sorted' before hand to reduce the risk of that happening again.
also be nice for my son to know.
also.,..... until recently i have been scared of having a girl. i dont know ay nice little girls and i know how to deal with little boys.
am slowly getting over this but.......

will we be 'ruining' things for the surprise of theday if we know beforehand?

lockets Sat 06-Aug-11 19:09:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UpsyDozy Sat 06-Aug-11 19:15:23

I had exactly the same as you except I was convinced DC1 was a boy and was shocked to have DD. Took me ages to get used to it, also had PND.

We found out for DCs 2 and 3. Made it nice to think about 'he' or 'she' rather than 'it' and helped me feel more prepared. It was also lovely to be able to tell DD that she was having a little brother!

Your second will be a completely different experience. You've been through this once, you will be a much more relaxed and confident mum this time around! Trust me, I had the worst 6 months of my life when DD was born. sad

With DS I had the odd bad day but other than that I couldn't believe how different it was!

greycircles Sat 06-Aug-11 19:16:15

If you want to find out, then find out. You don't have to announce it if you don't want to.

Personally I did find out with no. 2 because I had loads of boy clothes. No. 2 was a girl so I gave the boy clothes to a relative.

I wanted to know in advance both times. We decided on a name and were able to buy all clothes needed. It's just practicality for me.

naturalbaby Sat 06-Aug-11 19:17:40

ds1 - found out. ds2 - found out. ds3 - surprise
the surprise was lovely but i was desperate to know the first couple of times and with ds2 it was really worth it as i was convinced i was going to have a girl so had 20weeks (and another scan!) to convince myself it really was another boy.

notcitrus Sat 06-Aug-11 19:19:15

I wasn't thinking of finding out with no.1 but then I realised that I'd be able to tell anyway (used to look at embryo pics a lot) and it wouldn't be fair if I knew and MrNC didn't.
As it happened, we had a girl name chosen but not a boy name so were hoping to be spared more months of arguing. We weren't. smile
I'm rather glad we were forced into picking a name, and I could get used to not having a girl, which took a few days - and I'm sure if I'd been having a girl, I'd have had to mourn for the boy she wasn't, too!

So am looking forward to finding out the sex this time too - as we haven't agreed on another boy's name yet...

startail Sat 06-Aug-11 19:19:44

For no 1 I had an amnio and asked. I desperately wanted a girl (I know your not meant to care, but I did) and wanted time to bond with bump if it was a boy.
I was much less bothered about no 2, but the sonographer (20 weeks) said she thought it was a girl, but not to rush out and buy lots of pink in case she was wrong. She then glanced over at DD1 and said, but I guess you won't need tosmile
In fact I had almost no pink because it looked awful on my gingery DD.

banana87 Sat 06-Aug-11 19:21:12

We did with no 2. Mainly because we did with number 1, and also because no 2 is due only 2 months after DD, we needed to know if it was going to be the same sex or a boy (in which case we would have to start buying clothes NOW).

3kidsnobump Sat 06-Aug-11 19:35:27

We found out for no's 1,2 and 3 - however am 5 days away (hopefully!) from having no. 4 and this one will be our only surprise!

Don't know if it's because this is definately our last, but for some reason just felt right not to find out this time, even though we have always found out before! As we already have boys and girls stuff, figured it doesn't really matter what it is anyway (from a practical, getting ready for the baby point of view!)

diddygirl Sat 06-Aug-11 19:42:22

We didn't with DD but was very tempted this time. In the end I decided against it. OH REALLY wanted to find out but I ended up talking him out of it. I'm dying to know what it is, can't wait to meet him/her!!!

Brewster Sat 06-Aug-11 20:34:49

Thank you everyone that has really helped

Esp Upsy Dozy - that is godo to hera from someone else who suffered with awful PND. - Thank you

YouDoTheMath Sat 06-Aug-11 21:38:38

I never would, and didn't with DD or with current pregnancy.

It's tempting, esp when you have that window of opportunity at your 20 week scan... But I've always ended up being glad I didn't. Gets me through labour, plus I LOVE the suspense of not knowing during the pregnancy!

It's a bit mean I know but when my friends have told me what they're having and what they're going to call him/her, I tend to lose a bit of interest in their pregnancy.

CBear6 Sat 06-Aug-11 22:02:48

We found out with DS. He had the cord between his legs at 20 weeks but I had to go back at 21 weeks because he wouldn't turn to get his kidney scanned, at that scan he had his legs wide open. I then had scans every four weeks due to bleeding and he gave us a full frontal at each and every one so even if we hadn't wanted to know he took the decision to make himself known as a him!

With DD (35 weeks tomorrow) we wanted to know. From a practical point of view it meant I could sort through DS's baby things to see what would keep and what we needed to get, my brother had a newborn and so we had someone to pass things along to (and he had things to pass to us if we were having a boy), and I wanted to decorate DS's room, he'll be sharing with the baby eventually. From the non-practical side of it we lost a baby last year in the second trimester due to a late mmc so, awful as it sounds, we were on tenterhooks waiting to lose this one. Finding out the sex made us feel more able to bond with her because we could start thinking of her in terms of "her" and referring to her by name when we're alone together. We're also able to tell DS about his little sister rather than a nameless baby. We've kept the name we've chosen to ourselves as much as possible though.

It's a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks and both times I was elated to find out, with DD I even burst into tears I was so surprised.

If you want to find out then find out, there's still things to look forward to. I knew DS was a boy but I couldn't wait to find out which of us he would look most like, whether he would have hair, how much he would weigh, what his personality would be like, etc. There's much more to a baby than the gender and I don't regret finding out at all.

notlettingthefearshow Sat 06-Aug-11 23:08:01

I'm 20 weeks with my first and not going to find out. No need as we will be delighted either way, and I don't plan everything being pink/blue. I just love the suspense of not knowing and imagining either way.

But it's totally personal! It is very tempting and at first I didn't think I'd be able to resist. Three days til the scan so I've still got time to crumble!

Meglet Sat 06-Aug-11 23:21:39

I found out with DC2. Nothing to do with getting the right colours, just pure nosy-ness and impatience.

In the end we knew we were having a girl, what her name was and what day she was going to be born (ELCS). And it was still so exciting when she was whipped out smile.

bruffin Sat 06-Aug-11 23:24:07

I found out for my 2nd pregnancy- I had an amnio and was offered the choice of knowing. We chose to be told partly because with my first pregnancy I spent the last 7 weeks in hospital and basically had nothing for the baby when he was born, but saying that I did only buy one girly item for DD, even though we knew what sex she was.
Also DHs family has no girls for generations and MIL said the W family don't make girls.

I asked with DS1 but he was awkwardly positioned so I had to wait for him to be born. DS2 and DD were more helpful and I knew from the 20 week scan. I'm impatient, and a 50/50 chance isn't enough of a 'surprise' to bother waiting until they were born smile I never regretted knowing, and can't think of any downside to knowing either.

Changing2011 Sun 07-Aug-11 20:25:47

I have been thinking carefully about this, but we have decided not to find out for dc2. I do have an entire loft full of DDs clothes shoes coats and even uniform she has outgrown (she is 6) as i am a thrifty person, and DD was first grandchild and thoroughly spoiled so lots of stuff is practically new. Even if this one is a boy, I am holding onto it as I may want another, and I just love the surprise and breaking the news to everyone (well, letting DP do it while I sit on the bed like a truck has hit me grin

Bumpsadaisie Sun 07-Aug-11 21:31:00

We found out with DD and wanted to find out at 20 weeks with this DC2 too. Sadly he/she had legs crossed so they couldn't really tell!

But we have another scan in a couple of weeks as I had a low lying placenta at 20 weeks, so I hope baby will give us a look then!

Nothing to do with practicalities - all the newborn stuff is white anyway - more that I want to know as much as poss about DC2 as soon as poss! If I knew the sex I would also know his/her name, since these are decided. I would love to be able to chat to bump by name; I want to think about my little Thomas or my little Harriet rather than the rather anonymous "baby".

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