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Hen do at 37 weeks....crazy?

(24 Posts)
Littlepic Tue 02-Aug-11 08:08:38

Hi all,

I'm pregnant with my first and I have a slight dilema and would like to have your thoughts on what I should do.

A good friend of mine got engaged at Christmas last year (having waited for sometime) and is due to get married in February 2012. Her hen weekend has been set for 2nd/3rd December this year and will consist of spa, meal and night out. Unfortunately subsequently to this date being set I have fallen pregnant and I am due on 23rd December making me about 37 weeks pregnant at the time of the hen do. It will take place in Cardiff, I live in south Oxfordshire and I'm planning to give birth in Swindon at the GWH.

Initially I thought I could still go and my DH agreed to come with me so that he could drive and possibly take me home if I need to get back to hospital. However on talking to another friend who is currently 35 weeks pregnant she strongly suggested that I don't go and it has really got me thinking.

Although this is my first and I know they are often late I'm still aware that it could still decide to arrive early. If I start to get twinges I will be 2 - 3 hours from my hospital and so probably the sensible thing would be to go to hospital in Cardiff. I'm sure they are very good but I planned to give birth in a midwife lead unit linked to my local hospital (should something go wrong).

In many ways I'm answering my own question but the only thing is the bride is a bit of a bridezillar and has no children of her own yet, so I'm worried she won't understand and will be upset. She made a fuss of me 2 1/2 years ago when I got married.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks in advance.

LawrieMarlow Tue 02-Aug-11 08:17:53

I'd say not to make any firm plans for a while. At that stage in my 1st pregnancy I had been in and out of hospital for two weeks with high blood pressure and there is no way I could have gone to a hen party. But with my second pregnancy I probably could have done, although I felt like the size of an elephant grin

At the moment you don't know how you'll be then - I would wait until much nearer the time before many any sort of decision and be prepared to change your plans nearer the time.

SheCutOffTheirTails Tue 02-Aug-11 08:34:46

A spa, a meal and a night in a hotel (pretty near home) with friends seems perfectly doable at 37 weeks, presuming your pregnancy is uncomplicated.

Why are you thinking of not going? What has your friend said that's putting you off?

Also bringing your DH along us totally unnecessary.

I have 2 children, and I don't understand why you are thinking of pulling out.

Planning nights like this is a lot more complicated when you have children. I'd treat this as a bit of a last hurrah with my pals before life changes FOREVER grin

Lawrie is right, it could be that things will change and you'll have to pull out, but in all likelihood you'll be fine to go. It sounds nice and relaxing, and you can head off to bed after dinner and skip the night out if you're tired.

jklikesrowing Tue 02-Aug-11 08:48:25

go and enjoy yourself, its not if you are going clubbing is it? i was still working in a busy pub at 39 weeks and ds is now 5!!!

Teladi Tue 02-Aug-11 08:53:54

I am 36 weeks just now and I would probably still quite enjoy that, minus the night out bit! However I think it depends on when you are planning on finishing work. If I had tried to do that a couple of weeks ago, when I was still working (9-5 office job) It would have involved some very careful planning as I was finding work very tiring, my back was sore, and travelling that far would probably have been out.

Littlepic Tue 02-Aug-11 09:00:45

Ok thanks, those comments have all made me think again. I suppose my only concern is that I won't be near home 2-3 hours away. If it was local to home I would definitely go no question at all.

Think I'll book the hotel and see how I feel closer to the time. smile

icravecheese Tue 02-Aug-11 11:41:34

Hiya,

know your Q has probably already been answered by the above, but just wanted to add my thoughts... am preg with no.3 and I distinctly recall during my last 2 pregs that I didnt want to travel ANYWHERE far from home from about 35/36 weeks onwards... I wasnt being difficult, I just felt really vunerable / nervous about it. I expect I will probably feel the same with this baby too, due in 10wks (i.e. pls don't think its just a neurotic 1st time mum thing, it isn't!!)

I know some ladies have said why on earth not go? But personally I would be really cautious about defintely saying yes, then having to cancel nearer the time because you don't want to go...as you say, perhaps just book the hotel room, say you'll defo try to attend, then if you do need to back out at last minute, it won't be as bad as if you've said all along you'll go then cancel the day before....your friend might not understand now, but when it comes to pregnancy / child birth / children etc, it sounds selfish but you must put yourself first.

If you do go however, enjoy!!

Teladi Tue 02-Aug-11 12:08:03

I do think it's easier to understand why pregnant women might want to back out of this sort of thing a bit nearer the time. Not last minute - but if I had said at, say, 12 weeks pregnant that I didn't want to go to a hen do scheduled around now, people might not have 'got it' and whereas now I am the size of a whale and it is pretty obvious why I might not want to sit in a car for a few hours. If that makes any sense...

I wouldn't rule it out anyway at this stage. smile

Eviepoo Tue 02-Aug-11 12:38:58

I would plan to go, explain that you might not make the whole of the planned activities and I would take DH. But to me a spa, followed by a meal with friends and a nice stay in a hotel with DH sounds lovely to me. (I'm 37+2 now and wouldn't fancy a night out after spa and meal that would be enough for me) 2-3 hours is not so far, especially if you have DH to drive. My DH would quite happily entertain himself for a day evening if we were having a night together like that. You would also have peace of mind if he was with you, I know I would.

You'll have a MW appointment around 36 weeks and MW would say if she thought you were showing signs of labour especially if you explain your plans.

Check the hotels cancelation policy, then you'll know by what date you need to make the final decision. Hopefully you'll have a nice smooth PG with no complications. If not you can cancel and your friend will understand, especially if you plan to try and make it just now.

I hope you make it and have a great time.

Littlepic Tue 02-Aug-11 13:20:31

Thank you again for all thoughts. I think I'll plan to go, I don't want to come across as being wet but I'll play it by ear and cancel closer to the time if i don't feel up to it.

DH is happy to come along and be the driver so that's reassuring. smile

moomsy Tue 02-Aug-11 14:48:26

I went on a hen do which was quite far to drive, long night, hotel stay and then another long drive home when I was about 4.5 months.

I lived the hen do and really enjoyed my time. No one got very drunk, we went to a karaoke bar and to a very nice meal.... certainly not like most dos these days

I had my best friend's wedding at 7.5 months. I was wearing high heels and danced like a maniac. I thought I was going to die afterwards and it took me 3 days to recover.

I vowed that would be my last party. I am now 35 weeks and there is no way I could face any sort of do or party... let alone a hen night!!!

If this is your first, it's VERY easy to overestimate how much you will be able to take / do when you are heavily pregnant.

nutterbutsquash Tue 02-Aug-11 15:44:38

Everyone is different so as others have suggested ask for the option to play it by ear. However, I had a hen do at 35 weeksthat was quite physical (camping/walking/fishing) and it was reallyl good fun. The ones that aren't so good are when everyone is relying on booze to have a great time (e.g. dancing round a giant phallus in a horrendous bar).

SheCutOffTheirTails Tue 02-Aug-11 16:24:51

nutter those ones aren't fun even if you are drunk. The drink just numb the pain smile

Little - maybe say to your friend that you want to go, but that you will be very pregnant by then, so all plans are provisional.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy smile

nunnie Tue 02-Aug-11 16:31:45

Don't make definate plans and if you feel comfortable at the time, just make sure you have notes with you.

This is my 3rd pregnancy and I would still consider this, even after my last one was born at 36+3. I personally think it is nice to have something to look forward to that isn't baby related.

BerryLellow Tue 02-Aug-11 16:33:46

I wouldn't, but then I have had early babies twice smile

Also depends on the type of do, if it's a penissy drunken affair I would not be into it. Dinner and pampering would be nice though!

sittinginthesun Tue 02-Aug-11 16:37:01

Think I would've struggled - as someone else said, I got a very strong homing instinct at 36 weeks. I was still working, but really just wanted to stay at home.

MsChanandlerBong Tue 02-Aug-11 16:43:32

Just a thought - if the hotel doesn't have a reasonable cancellation policy, maybe you can just do the spa and meal bit. I think those bits sound like the most fun (whilst you are pregnant!). I am currently 33 weeks, and there is no way I would be able to stay on my feet for a 'night out'. But wallowing in a pool then having some yummy food with the girls would be very much appreciated right about now!!

OrangeGloss Tue 02-Aug-11 16:43:42

I'd let your DH drive you, I'm 35 weeks and the way my lo lies sometimes makes driving really uncomfortable even over short distances

I'd like the idea of the spa and meal, but not the night out, but then that's me, and I'm quite large and constantly sleepy at the moment, and all I want to do it stay home, but like I said that's just me, you might feel differently when you get to that stage smile

MsChanandlerBong Tue 02-Aug-11 16:45:04

OrangeGloss - cross post/great minds think alike smile

WillSingForCake Tue 02-Aug-11 17:02:31

I'm currently 36 weeks and am finding car journeys pretty uncomfortable, so that may need to be a consideration for you too. If you decide not to go, you could suggest to her that just the two of you have a spa day (or a lovely meal etc) at an earlier date when you're at a more comfortable stage in your pregnancy, so you can still make her feel like you care.

Sargesaweyes Tue 02-Aug-11 17:31:36

You might be fine and full of energy. I however at 37 weeks am very tired, crampy, hormonal and swollen and really wouldn't want to do anything that involved me making an effort. It's so personal how you will feel it's hard to advise for the best.

pootlebug Tue 02-Aug-11 19:40:47

I would try to keep it as an option either way - and explain to the hen you'd love to go but will have to see how you feel.

For me it would have been fine in either pregnancy. In fact in my first pregnancy I did travel 3 hours from my hospital, with OH, and walked 7 miles across London on my own while he was at work. But I'm very lucky and have always felt fine right up to the end of pregnancy (maybe payback for weeks 7-18 throwing up)

notlettingthefearshow Tue 02-Aug-11 22:08:03

I would plan to go and play it by ear. You will have a better idea nearer the time. When I had my hen do, friends dropped out for reasons far less valid than that, and I understood. It's only the hen do - not the actual wedding!

Do make alternative plans with your friend, though, before the baby is born, so you can enjoy some quality time with her before everything changes. If she's a close friend she will prefer one-on-one time anyway, rather than sharing you with a crowd.

notlettingthefearshow Tue 02-Aug-11 22:12:21

Oh, my other advice is to make sure that if you do pull out, you don't leave others paying for your share - e.g. if you plan to share a hotel room with someone then pull out and they have to foot the whole bill, or if everyone is splitting the bride-to-be's share, make sure you still contribute. These hen dos can be so expensive!

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