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Ridiculously afraid of something happening to my husband

(10 Posts)
nothingsoextraordinary Sun 31-Jul-11 17:41:14

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and terrified something will happen to my husband.

I don't know why but the thought of it has been paralysing me for weeks. He's as strong as a horse and very excited about being a dad, so there is no justification for it. However, I'm immobile due to pelvic girdle pain - so acutely aware of needing help for everything. I've struggled with anxiety and depression in the past.

Is this a common fear? Or should I be concerned about pnd? Can anyone advise?

AlpinePony Sun 31-Jul-11 17:43:24

During my last pregnancy I had periods of being terribly clingy and would burst in to tears when he took the dogs out, disbelieving that he would ever return.

Fecking hormones.

No pnd here, just not quite myself during pregnancy.

icravecheese Sun 31-Jul-11 17:48:01

I too was like this when expecting my first baby - my husband got all sorts of illnesses in quick succession - crippling head aches / migraines, then regular diarrhoea, then gastric problems. I think, in hindsight, he was just getting abit stressed about baby arriving (as all of his ailments turned out to be nothing in the end!), but I distinctly recall trying to get to sleep in the spare bedroom a week before due date, sobbing my eyes out because I thought there was something terribly wrong with him / he wouldnt be able to be with me when I gave birth etc etc...

Personally, I tend to feel like this when I'm not 'in control' of things - late pregnancy, and particularly given you're immobile, when everything seems out of control (i.e. no control over when baby will arrive / what will happen once it arrives) can make me feel like this. I haven't ever suffered depression / pnd before, and still felt exactly as you explain, so pls don't worry that you're heading for PND or anything.. hormones / tiredness / stress of impending motherhood is just as likely to make you feel the way you currently do. Don't worry, it will pass. Good luck with the birth & hope your pelvic pain subsides once baby arrives x

CBear6 Sun 31-Jul-11 17:58:43

It's really common, it's a mix of hormones and being physically as well as mentally vulnerable. It's the reason behind some of the wonderful pregnancy dreams too, particularly the nightmares. It doesn't mean you'll get PND and the anxiety generally passes as your due date approaches, I remember getting very calm in the days leading up to labour.

When I was pregnant with DS I was really clingy for DH and I used to have horrible dreams too about something happening to the baby. Graphic nightmares about dropping a newborn from various heights onto various hard surfaces, also dreams about "baby snatchers" taking him away. It was very bizarre but I think it's just a coping mechanism for all those worries it's difficult to talk about.

This time around I get paranoid about something happening to DS and I can't relax very well when he's out of my sight. He stayed at my parents last night while DH and I had some couple time, I've never worried about him staying there before because my folks raised four of us but since I've been pregnant I feel the need to give a huge list of verbal instructions about when to feed him and to watch him for the road/windows/dog/strangers. Luckily my parents just nod and agree (and secretly laugh I'm sure) but it's like I can't let go of him at the minute. My nightmares this time are about something happening to him while I'm preoccupied with the new baby.

Have you talked to your DH about how you're feeling? Sometimes it helps just to get a bit of reassurance.

nothingsoextraordinary Sun 31-Jul-11 20:13:56

I have had a chat with my husband about it and it seems I'm not the only one getting the jitters - he dreamt I gave birth to a monkey and felt sick to his stomach all day!

Thank you for this reassurance.

edwinbear Sun 31-Jul-11 20:38:28

When I was expecting DS I sent DH off to the GP to have a freckle looked at that I was convinced was skin cancer. DH said the GP looked at him like he was nuts until he explained his wife had insisted he go and was pregnant.

daimbardiva Mon 01-Aug-11 10:37:23

I think this is normal - I certainly get more clingy and dependent when pregnant too. Stress is a funny thing, as are hormones, but really it's kind of a logical fear, and I like to think it's positive in a way, as it shows how much I rely on our partnership, and my faith in my husband's ability to look after us...which is a good thing, I think?!

MrsCLH Mon 01-Aug-11 10:47:57

I am so glad someone else is feeling like this. I keep getting these overwhelming moments of panic about the same thing and just want to burst into tears. It is such a strong feeling. It is truly horrible. Just glad I'm not the only one.

AKMD Mon 01-Aug-11 12:34:12

I got this - I always thought I would never see DH again when he left for work in the morning. I also thought I was going to lose the baby and quite frequently broke down crying just thinking all these terrible things.

Sometimes it is just hormones and stress and it will pass. Other times you might be suffering from a pregnancy-induced anxiety disorder (which is what I was diagnosed with, though not until I told my MW after DS was born). It would be a good idea to talk to your MW now so that she can either reassure you or refer you for a proper diagnosis and treatment.

There are things that you can do to help yourself. Have a look at this website for some good ideas. The best one is exercise (try swimming or walking) and avoiding the news is a good one too. It does list some herbal remedies but make sure you consult your MW or doctor before you use any of these.

I hope you feel better soon. I know how horrible such anxiety is to live with - please ask for help; you don't need to feel this way.

xxyummymummyxxx Mon 01-Aug-11 12:38:04

this is normal to feel the way that in yhour case, you do. i was exactly the same, wonderineng is everything going to be alright? is my partner going to even stick around. as soon as your little one arrives, these nerves will slowly drift off and ul enjoy being a parent

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