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When to tell siblings?

(9 Posts)
Josie10 Thu 28-Jul-11 14:45:58

Hi,

This is my third pregnancy, I have DD almost 6 and DS almost 4. I haven't told my other children yet as wanted to wait until scan, which is the week of both children's birthdays!! I'm currently 8 weeks. But now I'm feeling very tempted to tell my daughter as she's noticing my growing belly and I've been absolutely shattered the last couple of days. She's very intuitive and is picking up on things me and hubby are saying!!

Would love to hear your thoughts about when and why you told other siblings?!

Thanks smile

NotJustKangaskhan Thu 28-Jul-11 14:56:04

I tell my children pretty much straight away, hopefully before I start feeling too horrid. We talked about the baby growing, how it would effect me and what we could do, and how they could help. They in turn got very excited, starting declaring their preferred names. The only issue that has come from telling them early is their perception of time - so I'm often answering how much longer until the baby gets here, will X happen before or after the baby arrives.

thejaffacakesareonme Thu 28-Jul-11 15:49:08

Josie - we are at almost exactly the same stage. I am 7 weeks and my DSs are 6 and 4. Although I love NJK's idea of telling them straight away I had a threatened miscarriage with DS2 and don't want to tell them until after the scan incase anything goes wrong.

Josie10 Thu 28-Jul-11 19:00:52

Hi, yes good to hear from someone in the same position!
It's a tricky one telling the children as I've only told my mum and best friend so might be a bit much asking the children to keep it quiet, what did you do NJk?

wompoopigeon Thu 28-Jul-11 19:07:34

I didn't tell DD until after the 12 week scan because I felt she was too young to explain a miscarriage to. Also because we knew she would tell everyone!
DH and I had to be really careful what we said in front of her, which wasn't easy.

clarinsgirl Thu 28-Jul-11 19:11:15

Told DS(6) at 10 weeks. Ideally we would have waited until 12wk scan as we knew that he would tell everyone but it was getting to hard to hide. 12wk scan was yesterday and all is well smile.

Fresh01 Thu 28-Jul-11 19:23:10

We told DD1 5.5 years and DD2 almost 4, (DS 18 months doesn't care : ) ) straight after my 12 weeks scan - 4th baby. DD1 thought I was joking and it took 24 hours for her to believe me. We wanted to tell them before everyone else knew, only grandparents and our siblings had known before 12 weeks and that was because even 4th time round I didn't have a decent excuse they believed for me not drinking!! I was particularly aware that DD1 will pick up on things I say on the phone and ask me about them later and I didn't want one of her friends at school telling her if they heard their parents talking - a lot of us are good friends. Both the girls are excited about it and coming up with interesting names. I have been very aware to tell them when I feel tired or sick but trying not to say it is because of the baby as I don't want them to resent the baby for mummy being unwell during the school holidays.

NotJustKangaskhan Thu 28-Jul-11 19:49:49

I haven't really done anything, though they (at 6, 4, and almost 2) don't really talk about it unless it is brought up first. I guess they pick up on the how I treat it - I treat it very much like a private family affair, don't discuss it around them unless they ask a question or we're seeing medical professionals, and there has been no big announcement (I'm 23-24 weeks, we've told family and the close friends who may be helping us watch the kids during/after I have the baby. My husband confirms the obvious suspicions in my change in size but without any real details). I think to them it's more of a life event than some exciting surprise that they need to tell and so they don't see a need to talk about it. Or maybe it's just them, every child is different. I suspect they would be more vocal if we had local friends with babies/pregnancy though as the topic would come up more.

And, since it has been brought up, I would tell them in age appropriate terms about a miscarriage and would feel the need to tell them and explain it to them why I'm sad/what's going on just as much as I would need to for a stillbirth or any other death, God forbid any of them happening. It's part of life and would likely upset me and my husband. I think they would need to at least know that it wasn't to do with them which would bring at least my eldest to question what what it is about if not them.

blueeyedmonster Thu 28-Jul-11 20:43:48

Ds (3) started noticing my expanding tummy and started speculating about what was happening (even said there was a baby in there) I just said maybe. He came in half way through the 12 wk scan (after it was checked that everything was ok) and he had made the connection very quickly that it was a baby in my tummy. His little face was a picture of amazement when he saw baby moving on the screen, just prescious.

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