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2 young children and pregnant with twins makes 4!! HELP

(11 Posts)
frazzled2mummy Tue 26-Jul-11 09:47:12

Im 8 weeks pregnant, the pregnancy was unplanned as we have a ds nearly 4 and a dd who is only 10 months. Ive found out Im having twins and ae a complete loss. My darling partner and I have been together for 10yrs.

My partner really doesnt want to have 4 children, believe me its something i had never planned on. But have so many mixed emotions i dont know if im coming or going. Partner would like me to have a termination, but says he wont force me into anything and will be here for me. But am worried if i go through with the preganancy he will resent me and also the finacial burden is terrifying! I sometimes think it maybe the easier option, but Im not sure I could live with myself.

I keep thinking will I be able to cope? there would be such a small age gap between my dd and the twins, will she feel like shes missing out? Then there is the new people carrier as we would no longer fit into a standard car, no more foreign holidays. I know these sound like petty things, but wont my other children be missing out as they had nice things, but I would probably have to give up work?

Is there anyone out there who can help?

xkatyx Tue 26-Jul-11 09:55:10

Hi I have 3 children 8,5 and 6 months and I am pregnant with twins also 4 months gone!!

Was so unexpected I was in state of shock crying etc also thinking of abortion and how the hell I am going to cope!!!

Bit I am so excited now I hope your dh sees that this isn't bad news and yes the first year is going to be busy but think of the amount of fun u will have along the way.

Just wanted to say u r not alone though x

sootytotherescue Tue 26-Jul-11 09:56:10

Bless you both, that must be completely overwhelming and terrifying. I don't want to offer much advice as I've never been in your position and only tell you how I think I'd react. It would be a heart ruling the head situation and I'd have to go with my gut rather than my head. If you think about the financial implications of having children and how much it changes everything nobody would have them.

We haven't been abroad since before I was pg with dc1, this year we're holidaying in this country camping, but I wouldn't change a thing. I don't think I personally could live wth the decision to terminate.

I hope you and your dp come to a joint decision that is right for your family.

Clarabumps Tue 26-Jul-11 09:59:34

I can't really help much as I don't have 4 kids. I had two with 18months apart and I found it a massive jump.
Did you ever see yourself having any more kids?
How are you managing with the kids you have at the moment?
I think you really have to sit and talk with your partner and ask him to be brutally honest.
It's one of those situations where you need to weigh up the implication it will have on your life if you can go through with the pregnancy or a temination.
Do you think you can do it?
How would you feel if you gave up your job and were a SAHM to 4 little ones.
Its a really hard time and I really feel for you.
There's always guilt when you have more than one child that the other one is missing out.
How much family help could you rely on?
Sorry if this seems like loads of questions but I think firstly you have to think if you think you could cope with it and moreover..would you want to?
There's no shame in wanting a nice life with nice holidays.
I think its just a matter of working out what you would see as the "easier" choice and more importantly the right one for you and your family.

Sending you a big cuddle and hopefully someone with more experience will be along in a minute to give some half decent advice.
x

FlubbaBubba Tue 26-Jul-11 10:05:44

I feel for you. Four is a lot of children but I have three DCs (a 4 yr old, a 2 year old and a 6m old.) I was desperately sad that the 6m old wasn't one of a twin. I would love four children, and I thought that it would be lovely to have #s 3 & 4 at once. DH is saying no to a fourth now.

Just giving you another opinion here as it may help you decide in your head, one way or the other, what you truly feel.

frazzled2mummy Tue 26-Jul-11 11:25:14

Thank you all. Having the 2 is fantastic and i love it, although do get stressed but doesnt every mummy? I did possibly think of having 3 children in maybe 2 yrs, but never 4. (I have obviously been thinking about thinks all day everyday) and think the idea of having twins is amazing. And in a way wish my dd had been a twin. Not that i would change her for the world.

I have no local support from Family as they all live over 100 miles away, although having spoken to my mum she said she would try and help as much as possible. She helps a lot already, whereas my dp parents are an hour away, they dont bother now and doubt they will bother if we had anymore.

I want the decision to be both of ours, but just dont think we will beable to agree on which is the right one. We seem to just go round in circles. He really feels its not the right time and maybe if it had happened when we planned to have the 3rd, then that would have been ok, but bcos its unplanned he says it just doesnt feel right. Wish we werent in this situation, its breaking my heart.

Thanks for replying I just didnt know where else to turn. xx

Clarabumps Tue 26-Jul-11 12:23:13

An unplanned pregnancy doesn't necessarily mean its a bad thing though. There is never really a right time to be honest. Both of mine were unplanned and I think if I had waited till it was right I would never have had them. If the only thing that's stopping him is the fact it doesn't feel right then this mught just be down to the shock. I would think carefully about your feelings so that you are prepared for what you do and don't want to happen. The fact that you think that having twins would be amazing leads me to believe that you really want these babies.
Family support is great but most people don't have it. I have little to no family support and I struggle sometimes but I think if you can get some time to yourself now and again then you can survive.
Its a heartbreaking situation but see how your husband feel and let us know how you get on?xx

frazzled2mummy Wed 03-Aug-11 21:22:22

Well we have decided that things happen for a reason and am now very nervous and excited about having twins. (time for dp to get the snip though) grin
Thanks for your support ladies! x

notlettingthefearshow Wed 03-Aug-11 23:12:32

Congrats! Twins .. who could resist! I couldn't! I would be secretly delighted if that happened as I'd never be bold enough to consciously plan to have that many kids (only pg with first at mo!).

So happy for you.

SouthGoingZax Wed 03-Aug-11 23:13:47

HUGE congratulations. Twins are fabulous. I have a friend who was in exactly the same situation and she is doing brilliantly with all 4 of hers!

lollystix Wed 03-Aug-11 23:20:43

Hey frazzled - I'm 28 weeks with unplanned ds4. Found out when I was 15 weeks. Eldest will just be five, then just three and then 16 months. No family to help and I'm working 4 days in a full on job. It's been hard -ds unhelpfully didn't speak to me for 2 weeks despite accepting his part in it. Huge shock all round but he has come round. He also wanted termination till we found out I was so far on. Personally I couldn't have done it. I wouldn't say he's happy but I know when ds4 here he'll love him to buts and I just keep trying to think in 5 years we'll look back and be glad. 4 does create car and housing issues though that 3 didn't. We will he so poor for a few years with the childcare but I suppose we won't starve. I expect a very good care home in my eighties as compensation.

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