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Advice on past health please!!

(10 Posts)
NRGless Mon 25-Jul-11 08:39:55

Hi guys I'm a regular poster on here and I realise I'm probably a bit needy but I have something that is bothering me quite alot and I don't know what to do sad.
I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow morning and it's just dawned on me that she's going to ask about my medical history etc etc. As you may or may not have gathered from previous posts, I had a bit of a shocking childhood and just as bad teen years and have really come out of the other side a better, stronger person. As lovely as my life is now, I'm really concerned that my past will bite me on the arse and I'm going to be passed over to some social worker.
From the age of 10, up until 3 years ago, I was on anti-depressants. At 18 years old I had a (failed, obviously smile) suicide attempt that saw me in hospital for a while. I was also in an abusive relationship from the age of 16 up until I left him 3 years ago and he very cleverly made me believe that I had a mental illness which I took anti-psychotics for. The last 6 months of that relationship was like a massive wake-up call for me as it was like somebody had switched the lights on in my head and I could actually see what he had been doing to me. From the day I decided I was going to leave I stopped taking my medication and have never looked back. As I said, it's been 3 years since I stopped the medication and I have absolutely flourished, I no longer spend my days in a drugged up haze and truly believe that the medication was making me worse (probably because there was nothing wrong with me in the first place!!)
I'm now a 'seed', a survivor of domestic abuse, and give talks to domestic abuse victims to help them see there is a life after abuse and I am so proud of how far I've come but is this all going to go against me now I'm pregnant? There is massive stigma attached to mental health problems, regardless if they were fabricated by another person or not, and nothing can change the fact that I was taking medication for a long time.
Please is there anyone that can reassure me that I will not have our baby put on a register before it is even born? This question has kept me awake for the past couple of nights and, despite having the most amazing partner who is fully aware of my past (it was he that gave me the strength to open my eyes up to what was happening), I don't feel able to voice my concerns as he is a natural worrier anyway.

Aloha31 Mon 25-Jul-11 09:39:50

Sounds like you will be a great mum! Using your experiences in a positive way is a wonderful lesson to pass on to your LO.

I've some experience with social services (thru working with foster children) and here's what you do - be open and honest. of course you may come across one or two professionals who seem out to cause problems! Just keep your chin up no matter what obstacles they throw at you and believe you will get support. You'll get there, and try not to worry!


kri5ty Mon 25-Jul-11 09:47:26

Congrats hun grin

I agree you will make a fantastic parent as you can use your experiences in a good way... i had a difficult childhood too, as did my OH, and we know how it is going to make us both so much better parents

I would be honest... like you say it has been years since you were on medication, that shows how far you have come! yes you may deal with socail services... but they are not always the monsters people think of them as! My friend had them invloved with her (for similar reasons), and they were there to support her really, she was kept an eye on a little more than usual by the wv, just as there is an increased risk with post natal depression... but everything was fine and she is a wonderful parent!

kri5ty Mon 25-Jul-11 09:48:43

And your partner sounds fantastic!!

NRGless Mon 25-Jul-11 10:21:34

So does that mean I probably will be passed over to SS? I really don't want that to happen and I feel I'm being punished for something that wasn't my fault sad
My other half is wonderful and I have always said he probably saved my life grin

kri5ty Mon 25-Jul-11 10:28:07

No certainly not hun, didn't mean to worry you there!!
My friends situation was a little different and included drug use etc, and was still in the violent relationship at the time, and she hadn't come as far as you have!! All i ment was that if ss do get invloved, it isnt anything to worry about smile

But look at all you have achieved!! And like you said... its not your fault (so you are no harm to a child!) you have done nothing wrong at all, and if anything it shows how strong you are!!

That is a lovely thing to hear about your partner! You will sure both make amazing parents grin

NigellaLawless Mon 25-Jul-11 10:52:10

Hi NRGless

Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

I am a SW in children's services and based upon what you have said there woudl be no reason for Children's Services to want to become invovled with you.

The other posters are right, you need to be completyely open and honest with your midwife, whatever you do don't conceal, but I can't see that they woudl want to make a referal to Chidlren's Services and if they did I really can't see children's services taking it anywhere.

It sounds like you have worked really hard to turn your life around and have done a great job of it. Pregnancy is amazing at bringing out anxieties and past issues, but try not to let them get the better of you.

Just try and focus on all the positives now and don't be afraid of being honest with the midwives they are there to help and support you.

Just as an aside the general public tend to think that all SWs do is come along and take peoeple's children away, but the vast majority of our work is about supporting families to stay together and helping parents to meet the needs of their own children in their own homes. Sorry, i just feel like I need to say it a lot as most people don't realise that.

Misty9 Mon 25-Jul-11 11:07:54

I too work in social care and would echo the previous poster in that even a referral was made, it would be very unlikely to be taken further.
The one thing you may notice is the midwife saying she'll inform the health visitor about your history of depression. This is happening to me as well (mine was 12yrs ago) and is simply so they can be more alert to signs of PND.

It sounds like you've done a fantastic job turning your life around and your baby will be lucky to have such proactive and positive parents smile
Congrats - welcome to the rollercoaster, and it really can be an emotional rollercoaster being pregnant so try not to worry if you feel a bit out of sorts a lot of the time....I know I can be a bit hypersensitive to feeling down so thought I'd mention this.

Oeisha Mon 25-Jul-11 11:16:19

I have a recent (off meds about 18 months now) history of severe depression and initially didn't think about it. I did eventually remember to tell my MW at my booking appointment as the questions she asked prompted me, but after checking my mood now and seeing that I had coping strategies in place (I use CBT if I start to feel down, and have a lovely DH who will tell me if he thinks I'm over anxious/sliding down again). The MW was surprisingly uninterested...nothing's come of it so far, though she has said to see someone asap if I feel I'm not OK. So, depression doesn't always mean a referal.
Like others have said, be honest with your MW and if SS do get involved, be honest with them too, you're obviously absolutly fine, and they'll see that.

NRGless Mon 25-Jul-11 11:16:29

Thanks for your message peeps, I really appreciate it.
nigella thank you for your insider knowledge and I for one have nothing but admiration for SW's both on a personal and professional basis. Apart from being uncerimoniously dumped out of the care system on my 18th birthday (that was a system failure not a SW failure) as a child I was well looked after by SS. Incredibly I had the same SW for 8 years (unheard of normally). I also have dealings with CS through my work so know they are not the monsters they are portrayed to be!!
I know my fear is probably totally irrational as I am not a danger to anyone and have always resolved to be nothing like my mother, but after seeing the referral to CS of one of my pregnant pt's due to her depression it really ruffled my feathers and made me think that it will happen to me.

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