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Anyone else not having sex or just me?!

(30 Posts)
babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:13:34

I am 36 weeks and me and my DH haven't had sex since April...I dont even want to count how long that is!
Anytime i mention it DH says' "Not in your condition..." in a humorous way which i know is his way of saying he doesn't want to 'hurt' the baby/he finds it wrong to do that when there is a baby in there. This is fine but as he isn't the most affectionate of people anyway (very loving, attentive and generally fab husband otherwise) i just feel really distant from him without that affection.
Very very little cuddling and nothing else going on...making me really sad feel totally distant from him but he doesn't get it. My hormones are wild and even now starting to think he doesn't love me anymore. If i said that he would just tell me i'm being silly.
I really need affection etc and as I'm not getting it i'm finding it so hard.
Anyone else???

BikeRunSki Sat 23-Jul-11 18:27:40

Nearly 27 weeks, we haven't all pg I don't think, poosibly in first few weeks, but that is back to Feb. I feel so rubbish when I am pg, I can't face it. After 7 weeks of hyperemisis (and 3 of them in hospital), we sort of got out of the habit.

babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:31:56

aww sorry to hear your feeling so rubbish hope you feel better soon! I guess I am just worried that it wont return to normal after and feel a bit rejected and unloved. Just wish he was more affectionate eve cuddling on the couch or a cuddle up in bed would be nice...just feel like we are mates at the moment lol! Awful driving me mad!x

namechange100 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:35:57

Nope not at all still in first trimester and didnt with DS (maybe once or twice middle ish time)

JenniL1977 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:38:37

Nope, me neither; did it once about 10wks, DH "thought it was wierd and the baby was looking at him"!
Driving me mad, so it is- 6 months without now!

babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:38:55

I don't want this to sound bad but glad i am not the only one! Met my friend the other day who is 16 weeks and she was going on about how fab it is now blah blah blah and I felt like a freak!!!! x sad

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 18:44:59

Sorry sad but I'm randy as hell and DH has no problem with my 'condition'. We're still having sex, possibly more than before as I was knackered from all the night wakings. But DS is sleeping a little better now and feeding less so, I have more energy.

TBH, we didn't get up to much in the 1st trimester (28weeks now) as I was just too tired but since about 14 weeks there's been no stopping me.

LadyOfTheManor Sat 23-Jul-11 18:48:50

With my son we continued throughout. I had hyperemesis which has only just eased off...and with that and 1 year old it's really the last thing on my mind!

namechange100 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:49:09

babylove80 I am always suspicious of fok who talk so much abot there fantastic sex life, ive had a few friends who've been corkers sorry if i sound cynical.

TMI alert - actually I think my foo foo is quite up for it but the rest of me feels so tired, bloated, queasy, moody that its never listened too!

babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:52:24

THAT'S NICE TheRealMBJ at least some of us are getting it!

I'm not even sure if it's the sex that's bothering me...i think it's more the lack of kissing, cuddling etc. is it my man or are lots of en just not interested in this if thet know it's not going to lead to sex?

babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 18:54:14


babylove80 Sat 23-Jul-11 19:00:48

namechange100 yes i know exactly how you feel! Feel so big not can hardly roll over in bed let alone anything else...but just would like a bit of loving in some physical form!!!!

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 19:24:15

Last pregnancy, things did tail off quite a lot from 34 weeks onwards. I was just too heavy and big and cumbersome to be on top and it was the only position that really 'worked' for me blush. My orgasms are pretty intense when I'm pregnant too and the Braxton-Hicks were beginning to bother me then.

Crosshair Sat 23-Jul-11 19:40:07

Im also not getting down to full on business, it feels alittle weird for me rather then dp.

Maybe stuff other then full sex could be an option?

silverangel Sat 23-Jul-11 19:43:36

Not since I found out I was pregnant - think we were both scared (irrationally so I know) of hurting the babies, and now at 29 weeks with twins and huge, to be honest I am absolutely not interested!

namechange100 Sat 23-Jul-11 19:58:46

I think when I have a firm bump and fell full and well instead of bloated and tired and get some of them new maternity fancy pants looking bras n knickers I may be up for some sexy stuff but the thought of full penetration doesnt appeal

namechange100 Sat 23-Jul-11 19:59:01


GemmaReeto Sun 24-Jul-11 08:43:15

Im 24 weeks and we havent had sex since finding out (we had a fumble at about 14 weeks but must say that I felt a little on edge and didnt really enjoy it that much). I havent felt like it at all. I dont feel sexy in the slightest and actually feel like I dont watch to be touched in general especially in bed, I just want my own space! I have asked my other half how he feels about the situation as I was worried about it but he said he really didnt mind and although he didnt say it I think the whole baby being in there thing freaks him out. He joked that he was enjoying the break!
I am a little worried too about whether it will get back to how it was before after the birth and when I will feel sexy again and I do think it makes you lose a bit of the closeness between each other but I really cant bring myself to do it!
Lots of people I know have said how much they still do it and they cant get enough and at first I felt like something was wrong with me but we are all different and should only do what we feel comfortable with. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone smile

georgie22 Sun 24-Jul-11 08:58:58

I was in the same situation as you last year as my dh didn't want to have sex whilst I was pregnant. I, on the other hand, was ready to pounce on any man in the street eventually with my pregnancy hormones!! Dh was concerned about hurting the baby and just generally felt odd doing anything when I was carrying our baby. I don't think he's one of those men who find pregnant women especially sexy. He was very loving and affectionate to me in all other ways but no sex.

However things are now back to normal even with a 9 month baby. I felt close to him during pregnancy and probably feel closer now we have a baby together. There are certainly no issues on the bedroom front. It's crap at the time but it will get better for you I'm sure.

pruney1977 Sun 24-Jul-11 11:27:13

We've had sex once since I conceived which was about 3 weeks ago (now at 18 weeks). I had a carpal tunnel op on both hands just after I conceived so neither of us wanted to do anything that might hurt me and then we found out I was pregnant and just didn't want anything to mess it up. I know it's safe to have sex but TBH, I knew it can make you bleed a little and I just didn't want the stress of not knowing whether it was an early miscarriage or just from sex. However, got horny from about 13 weeks but took a couple of weeks to get DH on board for some action as he's worried he'll crush the baby rolls eyes.
As DH is quite reluctant, I reckon I might get a few more jumps out of him but once he feels that baby kick I know he won't want to do anything until after the baby is born, he's quite a paranoid android bless him

SnoozingCyborg Sun 24-Jul-11 13:45:08

Urgh, we have barely done it since finding out, and I'm only 10 weeks. To start with, the tiredness was overwhelming - and then the nausea. And when 'conditions are right', something about the hormones right now means I somehow can't get that, er, lubricated, even when I'm horny as hell, and it just ends up hurting. TMI but well, this is the thread for it I guess. So yeah, this sucks. Time to invest in some KY, and to pray for the supposedly magic second trimester to arrive...

LizzyMathsWhizzy Sun 24-Jul-11 14:16:05

I think we've done it about 3 times so far (23 weeks), which is easily the longest we have ever gone. I think we both want to, but everything feels a bit of a different shape down there, and it somehow feels a bit awkward. Last week I had trauma to the abdomen, so I'm supposed to be resting for a couple of weeks until they can scan me again and check that my placenta has stopped moving downwards. I guess that means no sex, although it wasn't spelled out to us. I'm a bit worried that this is going to mean my husband is going to be scared to touch me for the rest of the pregnancy. Like babylove, all I really want is a bit of a cuddle and maybe a silly teenager snog! I'm sure that would make me feel better, but my poor husband is scared about where I'm going with it, because he knows I generally have a high libido. Maybe I should talk to him instead of you! Hard to bring it up though isn't it? (no pun intended)

theidsalright Sun 24-Jul-11 14:48:20

10 weeks here and nothing since we conceived. DH mentioned it last night-well, he mentioned that I have not even kissed him. Ugggh with this taste in my mouth 24/7 I just can't do it never mind sex!

Last pregnancy we were VERY active in the last trimester (my libido rocketed) so I can look forward to that...I think?!

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Sun 24-Jul-11 15:07:25

At 30 weeks, I'd say we have had sex only a handful of times. DH is fine with it and is still affectionate but it just felt a bit weird to me. I don't feel at all sexy, and just feel awkward humping this great big bump about with me.

Perhaps, OP, you could just go over and have a little snuggle on the sofa, or arrange a film night. askk for a foot rub to engage that initial contact or something? Like you said, it isn't necessarily the actual sex that is the problem. A cuddle and a kiss goes a long way.

really hope you can sort things with him smile

CBear6 Sun 24-Jul-11 15:21:41

With DS we were slapped with a sex ban because I had lots of bleeding but we got back down to it soon enough afterwards (two and a half weeks later) and it was fine, nothing suffered due to us having such a long break.

This time round I was really paranoid of everything because of a late mmc last year and I know sex doesn't cause mc or mmc but I just couldn't relax enough to want to do it, plus I felt sick and tired and DS was going through a phase of waking up during the night. Not exactly the best of circumstances.

By the time we got to around 20-22 weeks I was more relaxed and wanted to but then baby kicked me part way through and kept kicking and it put me off a bit. Now I'm 33 weeks and while I feel up for it I'm usually too tired! DS won't cooperate by having a nap while DH is home, he only ever seems to nap when he's at work, and by the time he goes to bed I'm zonked.

We've fooled around a few times but actual full sex has been off the agenda for what seems like forever.

Seven weeks left plus 2-3 for healing. Ten little weeks left.

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