14 weeks, still very sick, tired, and really starting to struggle...

[BellaCB]

Basically, I think I'm just after a moan and some sympathy here and maybe hearing that other people as feeling low and as negative as I am at the moment...

I'm 14w into my first BFP, and since week 5 I have been sick, I've been on prochlorperazine for two months now, and while the tablets help I'm still being sick 2-3 times a day. I know I've been lucky that I have avoided hospital, that some days I can keep down meals, and that I haven't lost too much weight or become too dehydrated, but it is still a constant struggle to eat. I'm sure it's making me more tired and sluggish too because I'm just not getting any real nuitrition for me at all (baby, fortunately, is absolutely fine).

I know I'm also lucky that I have a desk job with sympathetic colleagues and easy access to a bathroom, but it's still hard getting in 5 days a week and time off isn't an enormous option unless I am chronically ill as we are a very small team and also another girl is 22w pregnant. My DP is trying his hardest to help and support me but he does shift work - which I think is part of my problem, in that I am alone in the house quite a lot . My parents and most of my close friends are supportive and sympathetic but none of them are near enough to, say, come around and help out with the house or keep me company in the evening, though they are always happy to chat on the phone, so I am starting to feel incredibly lonely after two months of not being able to really have a social life.

What's really tipped me over the edge, I think, is that my oldest friend, who does live pretty close to me, has seemed a little off about this pregnancy and more concerned with how it will effect her. Then last night she called out of the blue to say that she had been reading a lot of self-help books and wanted to have a 'heart to heart' about our relationship and needed me to give her lots of feedback about how she is. Basically the conversation ended in her admitting that she is a bit 'put out' by my pregnancy (she hasn't had children yet) and is also resentful that I am ill and can't carry on going out to see her. She also said that she wasn't giving me the support I wanted as she felt I hadn't explained how ill I was, which is probably a fair point, but I didn't think anyone who isn't/hasn't been sick in pregnancy is prepared to hear about the toilet-hugging and the sore throat and the sore knees from kneeling and the inability to clean your teeth... (though I did give her some quite graphic explanations at that point...) The whole conversation really upset me; of course I support her decisions and beliefs but I just felt like.... now? Right now, you want to talk about this? Maybe I'm being incredibly selfish but I just feel as if I am owed a little 'Bella' time in my friendships at this particular point in time. Is that wrong?

I just feel like this is all starting to get on top of me now. This is supposed to be such a happy time, such a good thing - this is a very much wanted BFP - but I'm utterly exhausted, struggling to cope with being so sick, VERY hormonal and tired (I burst into tears this morning the moment I woke up, which confused my DP quite a bit!) and just... bluergh. I desperately want to be happy but I just can't be at the moment and while I love the idea of having a baby, I'm starting to hate this pregnancy. And that isn't the kind of thing you can explain to someone who hasn't been through this, so I feel I can't really talk to my friends and family at the moment.

So... sorry to moan so much, but can someone else out there please tell me that they are, or did, struggle this much? That it did get better?

[Squiglettsmummy2bx]

I'm behind you @ 10 wks but also struggling with the tiredness & sickness. I don't work but have 2 dc so time off isn't an option. I am also having some issues with a friend. She has 4 dc & 2 are still very young so you would think she would understand where I am coming from but as she has easy pregnancies I am obviously making up how ill I feel & milking it, nice mate hey?
Keep your chin up, I'm sure it will get better & just keep your eye on the prize. As for your friend, I don't know, I'm just giving mine a very wide berth.
Hugs xxx

[danio7]

Hi Bella!!

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so unwell, luckily I am sure that you will get lots of people empathising.

I was really sick from week 6 up until week 18. It was awful (my mum had the same thing as me when she was pg so I think maybe it's gentics?!) I was so ill that I lost over a stone and a half in the few months. Nothing wanted to stay down, appart from dry bread and lots of water.

I think you might start to change your sickness patterns soon, by week 15, instead of being everyday I started to have a day or a morning off here and there- my midwife told me that it's such a great sign that I had strong sickness as it shows your hormones are truly working- but I really wouldnt wish it on anyone.
I used the throw up around 5-6 times a day and even blood once!!!!!
Luckily I never had to go to hospital- my colleagues wife was sick for the whole 9 months and hospitalised a huge amount of times, luckily we arent like this, but as soon as she gave birth, the sickness was off like a lightswitch.

your friend seems a bit insensitive though, but it seems that she is trying to work on your relationship which shows that you mean a lot to her. Now you are both on the same page there is no reason why she shouldnt understand how ill you are feeling and vice versa- you might need to be sensitive towards her feelings until she gets used to the idea of having a baby.

I would try to relax (luckily I had an office job too- I started my mat leave this week, horray!!) before you know it, the sickness will be gone and there will be the short space where you feel normal before becoming a WHALE!! I sneezed this morning and wet myself... it doesnt ever get dignified!!

a little tip though- I lived off of fruit tea, they all smell much better then they taste but it really did help for me, all of that ginger stuff was a load of crap!!!!

oh and I am only one stone heavier than I was at the start of my pregnancy and I am all bump, I think this was because of the early weight loss.. every cloud.....:o

[BellaCB]

danio7 - so good to hear there might be an end in sight! One thing that is doing very little to cheer me up at all is all the threads for women who are really suffering, who have been hospitalised etc and end up suffering the entire way through. On a bad day it leaves me feeling that this is never going to end and I've still got another six months to go, aargh.... God, I really am feeling sorry for myself here, aren't I?!

Squiglettsmummy2bx - sorry to hear you are struggling as well, with with children too. Does your friend realise you are giving her a wide birth?

[cookie9]

I was really ill but it does pass and hopefully you will start to feel better soon. I love bring able to brush my teeth again!
I am so sorry your friend has upset you. It can be boring for non pregnant people to hear about the highs and lows of pregnancy but that's why sites as mums net are so good.

[redexpat]

Tricky one.

Sorry you're feeling so rubbish.

First thought is that she is jealous - does she want babies too? It can be tough when everyone around you is popping them out. Or is she worried that she will lose you to the baby? I haven't lost a friend to a baby but I have lost a few to boyfriends and it is upsetting.

If you haven't been able to go out and see her why dont you ask her to come round with a nice bottle of something non alcoholic to watch (insert girly cheesy dvd name here). Explain that you just really need the company right now, and that you're really not up to much. I'm sure if she saw how rubbish you are feeling she would be more understanding.