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just found out i'm pregnant- feelings of dread! :-(

(23 Posts)
feekerry Sat 16-Jul-11 11:29:04

hello all!

found out this week i'm pregnant. its very early on, about 4 weeks max. me and my partner had discussed having a baby and i'd stopped having the injection as the doctors said as i'd been on it for so long it would take at least a year for things to return to normal. well, low and behold, 2 months after stopping the injection and i'm 4 weeks pregnant. before i found out i was wishing i would be pregnant then since i've found out i've been over come with feelings of dread, realisation of how much i'll be giving up (i have horses!), how are we ever going to afford a baby (our mortgage has just come down a bit so for the first time in ages we'll have a little spare cash, now that will all be gone). my partner is happy, told our parents who are over the moon, but i'm just sitting here feeling really unsure about the whole thing. aggghhhhhhh!!!! is this normal, will these feelings go away or should i reconsider.......xx

Ivortheengine8 Sat 16-Jul-11 11:36:33

Its normal to feel aprehensive at first, even scared. So many things go through your mind. You are obviously fairly well set up, you have a mortage,horses etc
Having a baby doesnt HAVE to be be really expensive. It depends lot on your choices. I have never gone for all the expensive stuff, I think a lot of it is a waste of money and now onto our second I haven't had to buy much at all this time. You can keep costs down if you are reasonable about it.

I'm sure these feelings will go away with time once you think things through but yes, everyone goes through them at some point.

Davinaaddict Sat 16-Jul-11 12:17:24

As you planned to get pregnant in the next year or so, then it may just be a knee jerk reaction. I'm 6 weeks pregnant with DC 2 and both times, despite really wanting to pregnant, I panicked a little bit. Give yourself time to get used to the idea before making any decisions. Everyone says 9 months goes really quick, which it does, but it's actually loads of time to prepare. Also talk through your feelings with you DP, or a close friend as bottling up your feelings will probably make you feel worse. Good luck smile

feekerry Sat 16-Jul-11 12:47:33

thank you! i already feel a bit better. its just a bit of a shock that i fell so quickly!!! but i suppose, it was going to happen at some point!!!

lolajane2009 Sat 16-Jul-11 13:19:33

totally normal... i tried for 8 years for the baby inside me (31 weeks preg atm) and still felt and feel dread.

GemmaReeto Sat 16-Jul-11 16:27:10

We had been trying for 5 months and I really wanted a baby but when I took the test and saw the positive the first thing I thought was oh my god....what have I done, can I do this?! 23 weeks now and Ive finally started to get really excited about everything. Still have moments in the middle of the night where I lie awake worrying about things though, especially money and things that I wont be able to do so freely anymore!
Its totally normal to feel how you do

goodnightmoon Sat 16-Jul-11 16:51:47

i totally understand, it can be a shock. our first month ttc, i conceived, and started crying from nerves and fear when i saw the test result. sadly i went on to miscarry a few weeks later and that really put it in perspective - it's scary but a beautiful gift too. even when i finally (after another miscarriage and a lot of failed fertility treatments) was well along with the pregnancy that became my wonderful son, I was still scared and apprehensive. that's all fine, and you shouldn't feel ashamed, but i can almost guarantee the excitement will kick in at some point! after more problems, i'm pregnant again and now that i've started showing (18 weeks) i finally feel able to get excited. best wishes.

Ciske Sat 16-Jul-11 17:05:21

I was like this. We had been trying for a baby so being pregnant wasn't exactly a surprise. However, my first thoughts after finding out I was pregnant was 'what have I done' and 'can I still back out of this?' I was in a very strange mood for weeks, having daydreams about packing my stuff and sneaking out to go travelling to a far flung country and being very melancholy.

I think it's the enormity of the decision that hits you, the vaste responsibility and the realisation that this is one thing you can never run away from.

I had those feelings on an off for most of the pregnancy and in the early months, but they faded as I started to get a grip on our new life. For me, the main problem was the lack of control over my body, my time, my life. Born selfish, I guess. wink

Good luck, I know how you feel.

feekerry Sat 16-Jul-11 18:51:01

ciske, that is exactly how i feel!! i'm sitting here on the computor looking up abortion clinics and all sorts. terrible really. sorry to say, but i just cant think of one positive thing about this, at all! then on the other hand i feel selfish as we were trying for a baby. i do not feel one ounce of excitement or joy at all at the moment. in fact, i dont feel much at the moment!!

Sorelip Sat 16-Jul-11 19:26:04

Although we had been TTC, my BFP was a surprise as my period had been MIA with no BFP for over 2 months, so I thought that maybe stress was responsible, and how likely was I to get pregnant when stressed? (Answer - very.) Three weeks before I was scheduled for LLETZ, which you can't have when pregnant, I did a test just in case and it was positive. I started shaking, crying and was terrified. Since then I've had alternate feelings of joy and dread, and at one point was discussing having an abortion with DH. 19 weeks now, and I still struggle with the dread, but I know that it's because this baby will totally change my life - and that is truly scary, but wonderful at the same time.

Casmama Sat 16-Jul-11 19:35:48

I think a lot of people have a feeling of dread when they first find out. My initial reaction was "oh my God did we really think this through?" It passes. Maybe it would help if you sat down with your partner and had a look at your finances - figure out a few things such as child care if required and they you might feel that it is more doable.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy Sat 16-Jul-11 20:08:39

Yup, spent the first few weeks days wandering around going 'shit shit shit what have I done AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH'

Does all disappear - until about a week before you're due when you suddenly realise you have to get it out wink

JimmyChoo17 Sat 16-Jul-11 20:09:16

I think looking up abortion clinics is a bit of a strong reaction....but i think we have all felt panicked once we got that bfp. Remember even if u never fell pregnant until you had planned to, you would still Have a mortgage, horses etc....unless u r posh n becks there is never a good time financially to have kids!

However feeling so apprehensive is totally normal. I think people who dont are the abnormal ones!!!
I lost 2 babies and ended up ttc for 2 years so was really pleased when fell pregnant as I had it ripped from me before which is just heartbreaking. I was undergoing investigations before I fell pregnant this time.

Despite my history I still thought are we doing the right thing!??? I had times like that throughout, not everyday obviously. Once started having scans and was more real I still had panic moments but you soon change your feelings about it.

I'm 40 weeks today and whilst excited about meeting baby I'm still worried about how we will cope, what will it do to relationship etc....like you our mortgage has only just dropped but we have saved money away so we can support our family and still enjoy the things we did before (holiday!) albeit less times...but trust me the feelings of excitement are much more stronger the further on u get. Little things like sitting in bed just the 2 of you in peace nd quiet usually are a jolt! But everyone says....once baby is here u will forget any worries you had before.

It's totally normal how u r feeling, congratulations and my sis in law has horses...baby never stopped her they just become less of a priority.

Right I'm off to panic about labour...pregnancy....just one long worry haha! X

goodnightmoon Sat 16-Jul-11 20:35:43

feekerry - just posting again with the part I hadn't mentioned of my story. I had a termination after accidentally falling pregnant a couple of years after getting married. I had come off the pill because i thought we'd try within a year or so and I wanted to get back to normal. i didn't realise i could almost immediately get pregnant, panicked, thought my husband would think i'd "tricked" him or something (not that he ever would but i felt my integrity was in question), and went immediately for a termination. huge mistake (for me) that i will always regret. As i wrote before, we ended up having huge problems and didn't have our son until five years lahat that was my experience.
What I learned is that you can't always call the shots - I wanted everything on my own terms but over time I learned that's what pregnancy and parenthood is all about - succumbing to and embracing the unknown.

goodnightmoon Sat 16-Jul-11 20:36:40

sorry some words got cut off there. i wanted to say you should explore your feelings but try not to make any panicked decisions.

porcupine11 Sat 16-Jul-11 20:43:34

I think hormones play a massive role in the melancholy feelings too - it's like PMT x 1000! As your body gets used to the new hormonal balance, the feelings subside... I was planning my wedding in the first three months of pregnancy, supposed to be a happy time, and I was all over the place and dreading it!! Once I came past the 12 week mark I was feeling myself again.

beebee1978 Sat 16-Jul-11 21:53:32

Totally normal. I felt much the same then miscarried a few weeks later so it was the case of u don't no what u got till u lose it. I was heartbroken. Few months later I got pregnant again. My son is 6 months old now.

Congratulations and enjoy itsmile all the best

CalypsoFramboise Sun 17-Jul-11 07:59:15

Congratulations - really its a strange intense bewildering but amazing journey you're on, nothing quite like it.

First time TTC, I fell pg immediately and felt JUST like you; running is a major part of my life, and pg and babies aren't compatible.

BUT around when DD was 14months old she stopped breastfeeding I started running competitively again, went out clubbing a few times, DD went to nursery and I started working again and going out for nice lunches with friends, I could have a glass of wine at dinner - my 'Old Life' was more or less back smile

Only when DD was about 18months old, when I could say I was really over the 'shock' of becoming a mother, that we considered baby No.2 and now I'm pg again, feeling much more chilled about it, as life WILL be back to what it nearly was, but with extra funny moments (toddlers can be hilarious grin)

two things I would suggest:
1) babies / children grow fast. we don't have much spare money so I buy HUGE bundles of clothes from ebay (eg 9-12 month-old girl bundle). Last purchase; 86 items for £16 and they're from Next, Monsoon, John Lewis, H&M. V pleased I was, in good conditions, so children don't have to be expensive in that way, plus lots of free baby/ toddler groups around, depending where you are.

2) I didn't do NCT, but I did meet an amazing group of new friends through aqua-natal classes, and the friends you make around pg and those early days give you the best support and sustain you through the 'Gah, this is hard and crazy' days you sometimes have, and now we're mostly back at work, socialise at the weekends / evening and its good fun too.

So in short, it IS a HUGE change in your life sometimes much much better and sometimes harder, but it won't always be just like that, and I hope that you are able to control how your life goes.

Best of luck with the pg, and just think in 2 years time you and DH will be desperately trying to keep a straight face whilst your offspring imparts some hilarous observation grin

Ciske Sun 17-Jul-11 09:07:46

What makes it quite difficult is that when you get pregnant, everyone expects you to be absolutely over the moon and on a pink/blue cloud for months until the baby is born. I didn't realise my feelings had been quite normal until I came to mumsnet and read that many women had felt the same.

So just come here to vent every so often and we'll tell you that you're absolutely normal and that it will all work out well! smile

Eviepoo Sun 17-Jul-11 12:02:16

Congrats - and yes I think it is normal to have a little bit of worry/panic.

We were ttc and when I got a bfp just 2.5 months after coil was removed, I thought 'oh crap' When hideous sickness kicked in - I thought 'I can't do this'. I now realise how lucky we are as many friends ttc for way longer than that. At 35w I am just desperate excited for baby to come now.

A friend of mine was ttc - and when she got her bfp - she sat in the bathroom and cried for an hour out of sheer panic.

So yes you are not alone in the worry thing - infact I would say when the reality of having a little bundle that will 100% be reliant on you kicks in, it's almost a positive thing for you to feel apprehensive, because it's a big deal to take seriously. We (women) also feel this apprehension during PG - because they baby is reliant on us at that point and as you start to 'feel' PG it's all to clear to us, our partners feel the whole 'panic' thing a little later (IME).

My DH is now in a flap trying to get the nursery ready, even though I have nagged him for months about it, he is just now getting into his head that in (potentially less than) 5 weeks there will be a baby here.
(My DD was 5 when I met my DH and so although he is already a great dad (she's nearly 12 and he is the best ever), he's never had the reality of a baby hit home yet smile)

As for the cost...you cope with what you have. With DD I had NO money nothing, we survived, we did second hand or gifts/donations, it was okay. This time we have a little more to spare, I still haven't gone crazy spending money, as I KNEW there was no need to. A new baby needs a comfy warm safe place to sleep, nappies, babygrows, milk (remember your BM is free...so you can say a boob there smile) and a whole lot of love and cuddles. Those things don't cost much.

Check out, gumtree and freecycle online for second hand stuff (in fact I think mumsnet has a sales board too you can look up)

I also found the nearly new sales to be fantastic (I have been to an NCT one and a Jack and Jills Market one) got some great bargins from parents that are just trying to sell what they don't need anymore to afford the next things their children need - I'm all for us parents helping each other out in this way.

Congrats again x

feekerry Sun 17-Jul-11 12:17:33

thank you everyone.
i just feel like such an idiot. how could i want something then when its here not want it. sounds like alot of people feel like this though. i'm due in at the doctors on tues so i'll let them know how i'm feeling. i just expected to feel so happy and excited and i feel the total opposite!!!!!

PotteringAlong Sun 17-Jul-11 16:25:42

I can believe the shock - I'm now 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby who was conceived 7 weeks after coming of depo - was also told it would take at least a year and got a bit of a surprise!

Although I never doubted that I wanted to be pregnant it was still a surprise!

How are you feeling now?

feekerry Sun 17-Jul-11 18:23:31

happy to report i feel totally different this afternoon, feel alot happier and even a tad excited about my impending situation.!!!
so not used to being this hormonal!!!!!

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