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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

When did you tell??

27 replies

foxylady123 · 14/07/2011 19:50

I'm just wondering when ppl started telling they were pg?
I'm 8+1 we've told family and close friends and my bosses who have been great support and that's it.
Today a co-worker told me ppl are starting to ask (as they knew we'd been trying) if i was pg as there had been something different about me a bit of a glow!!!
I thought i'd done well hiding it but i decided i didn't want it to become gossip its my happy news so i just told them (about 12 ppl).

I'm now thinking please please let everything be ok??

When did you say??????

OP posts:

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beebee1978 · 14/07/2011 20:06

absolutely everyone as soon as we found out. we were too excited to keep it to ourselves. congratulations

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KatyN · 14/07/2011 20:08

I lied to anyone who asked until 12 weeks.. one particular friend I lied to her face saying I wasn't pregnant.. she's had a history of mischarriages so she understood when I told her after 12 weeks
kt

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Ragwort · 14/07/2011 20:11

I didn't find out until I was 10 weeks - thought it was the menopause - started telling a few people around 16 weeks I think. As it was a bit of a 'surprise/shock' I wasn't particularly excited about telling people.

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mopsytop · 14/07/2011 20:20

I told 2 people at work at around 6 weeks as was being sick a lot, so wanted them to know. Otherwise I waited until 12 weeks. But I think it's best to go with the premise that everything will be fine as it most likely will, and enjoy this time. If anything goes wrong, you can deal with it as and when it happens and your work mates are sure to be very supportive anyway in that case. So I would say, don't worry about it and be happy!!

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Lifeissweet · 14/07/2011 20:42

I couldn't not tell as I have been very, very sick and, being a teacher, I need someone to be able to step in quickly and be with the class sometimes. I also had to restrain a child twice while I was 6 and 7 weeks and I had to tell the Head that I could, under no circumstances, be put in that position again and that he would have to come up with an emergency procedure for me.

As it happens, I have always felt that there's no need to keep it completely quiet. If things go wrong, I would like people close to me to react with care and sympathy, not with a: 'What?! You were pregnant?!'

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benne81 · 15/07/2011 09:50

13 weeks - after the combined screening test which came back as increased risk so had to get my head round that before telling people.

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hairylights · 15/07/2011 09:55

I'm 14 weeks. Have told family and close friends and am officially telling boss today but haven't told work colleagues yet... Is v scary and I dint know when/how!

I lost there last year so it still feels scary to "announce" it.

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Karmanna · 15/07/2011 09:57

I told 2 of my closest friends who knew we were trying as soon as I'd done the test. They are people that I would have told anyway if something had gone wrong. Me and DH quite enjoyed having a little secret for a few weeks. After our scan we told people at work but I'm yet to tell my parents who live abroad as I want to tell them face to face. We'll go over to see them in August so they'll be the last to know!

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hubbahubster · 15/07/2011 10:04

After the first scan to everyone - including my mum. After a previous loss at 10 weeks, the week after I told my family, I couldn't go through all that again. Everyone has their own feelings though, as other posters have said.

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Pootles2010 · 15/07/2011 10:08

Immediate family at 11 weeks, just before scan, on Christmas day. Boss at 8 weeks as couldn't do some parts of my job, due to being pregnant.

Everyone else at 12 weeks, immediately after scan.

Only exception was my friend across the road, we were waiting for midwife appt at surestart centre, she arrived for bfing group, really couldn't think of an excuse! That was only at 6 weeks, bit of a nightmare.

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Badgerwife · 15/07/2011 10:11

I told my boss at 7 weeks because I was so sick I had to be signed off for a month. So people at work suspected by the time I got back. Otherwise, I told everyone else, including family, at 12 weeks after the scan. It was really hard work keeping it secret mind you.

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melliebobs · 15/07/2011 11:25

We told MIL about a week after we found out. So I was about 5 weeks. Told me mum a week later and told my sister last week when I was 8 weeks. They have all been told to keep it to themselves and so far they have. Want to wait till we've had that first scan and we know everythings ok before going 'public'

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ShowOfHands · 15/07/2011 11:28

I don't tell. I wait for people to notice.

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Kayano · 15/07/2011 12:02

I told when I found out at 5 weeks.

One charming person then proceeded to tell me that I was stupid as everyone who told before 12 weeks miscarried!!!

I could have decked her!

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TeacupTempest · 15/07/2011 12:36

Told parents when we thought I was 9 weeks as it was my mums birthday. Turned out later at scan that I was a week out and was actually 8 weeks. Told my two closest friends then too. Told rest of close family after scan at 11 + 3 and then the rest of friends and family from a few weeks later.

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hairylights · 15/07/2011 14:42

showofhands I'm sort of wondering about doing that ... Do people actually comment or not? (I have rehearsed saying "no I'm fat" if asked)

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KnitterNotTwitter · 15/07/2011 14:58

pg1 - waited until my mum's birthday which was when I was 16 weeks (although I'm still surprised they didn't notice before that!)

pg2 - ectopic so people found out at the same time as me when I was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery at 8 weeks when my tube ruptured

pg3 - told my parents, my work, MIL and FIL (separated), SIL and sister at 7 weeks once we'd confirmed it wansn't another ectopic. Started telling other people at about 10 weeks. Then miscarried at 12 weeks and had a hideous time telling a lot of people we'd lost the baby... Missed telling a few people and had very awkward conversations where they (and I) felt awful a few months later when they said things like 'so how's the pregnancy going'... Plus we lost 'control' of the news with my SIL phoning my FIL and telling him before I had and he then telling someone else who then phoned me to say how sorry they were - which was nice, but shit as I didn't know they knew so it rather surprised me...

pg4 - told MIL, my work, my parents and sister at 6 weeks once we'd confirmed it wasn't ectopic... A few other close friends guessed after that and i don't believe in lying so told them their guess was correct. But I didn't spontaneously tell people. At 12 week scan came back 1:3 for Down's, confimed by CVS and decided to terminate the pregnancy. Told everyone who knew. Didn't tell anyone else initally as had to work through feelings and come to terms with it ourselves. Have since decided that I'm not ashamed of the decision we made and so am telling a few people, when it comes up naturally in coversation. If they judge me then they're not good friends. That said I have been very careful to be 'in charge' of the news following our experiences when we had the miscarriage.

Hope that helps. My experience definitely makes me cautious about telling people...

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KnitterNotTwitter · 15/07/2011 14:59

And FWIW my work have been amazingly supportive with each of the losses - cannot praise them enough.

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HPonEverything · 15/07/2011 15:08

Told my parents at 11wks (had to as they came down to visit and I wasn't drinking which was not at all like me...). Told DH's family straight after although MiL had already guessed.

Told work at 12wks, after everything went well at the scan - I was showing really early on so I kind of had to plus I wanted to get things moving HR-wise.

My god it seems so long ago now.

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ShowOfHands · 15/07/2011 17:11

hairy, no they don't comment at first. They look and then look again. They mutter. They ask leading questions. Eventually (at around 16/17 weeks) they ask outright and it's pretty flipping obvious by that point. My bf didn't notice until I was 5 months gone. She is ridiculously unobservant though.

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Fluter · 15/07/2011 17:25

Mmmmm. A very, very select few at 4 weeks - we'd had IVF so basically those people who knew what was going on. My dad at 9 weeks because I couldn't visit him in the nursing home because I'd started bleeding and had been told to rest - otherwise we might have waited a week or two on that one. My chairman at the same time because of work, the rest of the parish council I work for at 11 weeks because it fitted in with a meeting, and there was some stuff we needed to plan for the time I'm due (I'm the only employee), but they were told to keep it to themselves, and they did, and after that it was on a need to know / want to tell when I spoke to friends basis, until about four weeks ago when the entire village noticed at the Gala day :)
MIL still doesn't know. But that's partly because she cancelled her visit to us at the last minute when she would have been told.

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thegauntlet · 15/07/2011 21:19

humm... we have told all the people we would want to be around us and know if we were to have a miscarriage. I am 5 weeks x. Last time told everyone when we had seen the heartbeat on an early scan at 8 weeks as then the chance of miscarriage reduced to 1 in 20 apparently. xx

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foxylady123 · 16/07/2011 11:15

Its interesting to hear what ppl did. So sorry to hear of ppls loss.
I am glad i've told as ppl have said it means extra support if anything did happen.
Showofhands i don't know how you do it i'm bursting to tell absolutely everyone .
Well i've got my MW app. nxt Fri and a scan on Aug 9th so fingers crossed.

OP posts:

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ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 16/07/2011 11:22

I am 29 weeks today and have told nobody (apart from parents and siblings) I just did what SOH did and wait for people to comment.

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notcitrus · 16/07/2011 14:10

1st preg, found out I was preg from GP letter, told MrNC, got packed off for a scan, turned out to be 14.3 weeks, giggled like a loon and told the rest of the world immediately - I'd just got a new temp post
that would finish perfectly for me to go on maternity leave.

2nd - knew when I ovulated, so tested around 6 weeks, giggled like a loon, told MrNC and 2 best friends, one on the phone whose 'Congratulations!!!' made it obvious to the rest of his family. Couple weeks later MrNC let it slip to his parents so I thought I'd better tell mine in case MIL got there first. And if I get bad news at the 12-week scan or MW appt, like it doesn't have a heartbeat or head etc, then that's probably best they know. Since then have told a couple more friends, and my boss at work to say I needed to go home and by the way this pregnancy is looking worse than my last one when I needed weeks off sick and was banned from commuting at 22 weeks. She was great - it happens that working from home is not a problem in this job and my predecessor only came in once a fortnight simply because he felt like it.

Have lots of people coming over the weekend before my scan, and the news will probably leak out rapidly, though I'd prefer it didn't.