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making commitments for 1st month with new baby?

(20 Posts)
Annie456 Wed 13-Jul-11 15:43:20

Just wondered whats realistic in terms of commiting to things within the 1st month after the baby is born? We've had a few invites to things recently and am responding "tentative" rather than "yes" or "no" but just wondered what I should expect? I know it's hard to know how it will all go and whether the baby will be late etc but assuming it's a fairly straightforward labour, how likely is it that I will be able to go to family birthdays, lunches etc (not travelling more than an hour)

Boosaphena Wed 13-Jul-11 15:53:15

I really don't think it can be planned for... Assuming you are on time, suffer no complications, have alot of support around you, and have a baby that eats and sleeps ok/learn to live on a v random sleep pattern v quickly the you'll be ok. However all these things might not happen. If you tear/stitch you may not feel like getting in a car at all. That said, with my first I had a 3rd degree tear, horrible labour, not v much sleep, but some cracking drugs and hormones and I was desperate to get out and show my little girl off... I did pay for it after!
I think staying tentative is a good idea, it isn't forever but you do need to give yourself a chance to rest and recoup. smile

jenrendo Wed 13-Jul-11 16:00:30

Say no for the first two weeks! You'll be knackered and if whether BFing or not you will just want to sit around in your dressing gown cuddling your baby and getting to know him/her. Then again, my labour wasn't straighforward and I had an episiotomy so that is about all I did do. We said no to visitors and visits for the first two weeks and basked in the dreamy haze of joy and exhaustion while DH was on paternity leave. After about 3 weeks I was ready to get done up and show off DS! I was also ready for family to come and help with everything else by then!

MrsMichic Wed 13-Jul-11 17:40:02

Hi Annie456. My advice is don't make any plans!! Especially if this is your first - it takes a while to adjust and you don't know how you'll feel. I cancelled everything for the first 2 weeks after DS1 was born, and to be honest it was 4 weeks before I got on my feet again properly. You might be absolutely fine and sail through everything, but I would advise keeping with a tentative maybe for now! Good luck - when's the baby due? x

notcitrus Wed 13-Jul-11 18:19:39

I'd stick to 'tentative' - hopefully your family will understand. A big factor for me was how helpful other people would be when I got somewhere. If your family will cuddle your baby and do nappy changes and enable you to chill in between feeds, then trips and meals will be a lot more feasible than if you are expected to do everything yourself.

Tarlia Wed 13-Jul-11 19:58:00

I'd say you might be up for daytime things, but past 6pm I wouldn't consider it. DP and I were both ready for bed at 8pm in those early weeks due to night feeds. Perhaps it may be different if you are bottle feeding as you can share responsibility, but I was breastfeeding and DP did the night nappies, it was exhausting as we were on a tight feed schedule due to having a tiddler.

Firawla Wed 13-Jul-11 20:26:36

i think sticking with tentative is your best bet, as its hard to know how you feel at the time depending how the birth goes, how feeding is going etc. i think most people would understand you leaving your options open a bit, for making plans with such a young baby?

nicolamumof3 Wed 13-Jul-11 21:09:16

definitely stay tentative, its very hard to to try plan. depends very much when baby comes, what the birth was like and what type of baby you have tbh. Life by no means ends but it will change and you need to adjust no point in putting additional pressure on yourself as well. Those newborn weeks are so so precious.

RufousBartleby Wed 13-Jul-11 21:15:00

I'd keep a clean diary - don't commit to anything until you have had the baby and have an idea of how you are feeling/coping.

I still couldn't sit down comfortably after a month (which I know is extreme) but you just don't know what is going to happen.

inspireme Wed 13-Jul-11 22:09:47

I have a 2 wk old and it's my first, had a straight forward labour and only 1 stitch - we turned down a wedding invite last wk as it would have been a bit too much i think, but parties,lunches etc would be do-able i think as long as u are not up too much in the night, but i'm sure people will understand if u can't make it, so just do what is comfortable to u.

Tangle Wed 13-Jul-11 22:43:56

An hour in a car with a newborn is quite a long time. I remember having to do a run to Mothercare when DD was about 2 weeks old and she started crying on the way home - it was only about 10 minutes but I was beside myself as well (I think it was the end of the world, AKA she was a bit hungry...).

Once you get into the swing of it a bit then little babies are very transportable - but it can take a good few weeks to reach that stage. If your LO comes early then by a month after your EDD you might be very happy to go out for lunch - but equally they might be late and you might have a difficult time (and even a straightfoward labour is exhausting - it's called "labour" for a reason!).

Definitely stay with tentative for now - and don't put yourself under pressure once your LO is here.

cece Wed 13-Jul-11 22:47:31

With my first I don't think I would have made anything social for a good 4-6 weeks. However, by the time I had my third I was doing the school run, after school clubs and so on from 2 weeks...

All depends really - I think tentative play it by ear approach is best. But definitely nothing for evenings as baby usually crying unsettled then...

cat64 Wed 13-Jul-11 22:52:30

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threefeethighandrising Wed 13-Jul-11 22:55:35

Tentative is good!

Our DS was a very easy baby. This was helped by DP being home for the first couple of months rather than weeks (I can't express what an enormous help this was!), and by us going with the flow rather than imposing a routine, which worked for us.

Even then we hardly went out at all in the first few weeks (it was mid winter mind).

I would say go with tentative and if you feel like it on the day then go. Leaving the house with a baby is a logistical nightmare! But one that should been encouraged and undertaken when you feel up to it as it gets easier with practice, honest!

If you get a colicky baby (screaming!) then you might well not feel like it.

Just do whatever feels right at the time, and don't feel bad for saying no. Anyone with half a brain will understand. And if they don't it's really their problem not yours.

bonkers20 Wed 13-Jul-11 22:55:43

As others have said, keep bookings tentative. It might be perfectly lovely to have something planned for a particular day, but only if you can back out at the last minute. With my first I went to the washing line during the first week, with my second I was doing the school run (walk) the day after and it was pretty much "put him in a sling and carry on". I had a very easy time of it though and felt great, and he was (and is!) a pretty content little man.
I did go to an evening dance performance my older DS was in when DS2 was about a week old and it was fine (even though he forgot his jazz shoes and I cried), but I would not have chosen to do this.

PirateDinosaur Wed 13-Jul-11 22:58:01

I'd stick to "tentative". Most likely you'll feel up to daytime/lunchtime stuff after the first couple of weeks, but it's hard to predict.

cat64 Thu 14-Jul-11 21:15:21

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Annie456 Fri 15-Jul-11 10:56:51

Thanks all, this has been really helpful in readjusting my expectations (ie not to have any!) I think I will forward this to DH so he can be a little more prepared! I think he's more keen to go "if we can" which is fair enough, I just want to spell it out in big letters that we should see how it goes! Especially if LO is late which I have a feeling s/he will be as I have the smallest bump ever for 34 weeks!!
Thanks again! X

threefeethighandrising Fri 15-Jul-11 12:43:31

About travelling in the car, some babies sleep and some don't. In fact some babies sleep so well and so reliably in cars that you'll find yourself driving them around just to get them to sleep when everything else has failed!
So an hour in the car? No problem with this kind of baby!

But if they're not a car-sleeper then an hour in the car could be torture if they decide they don't like it.

My DS seems to sleep reliably at above 40mph! So traffic jams / city driving can be a nightmare if he's not happy. But long journeys on the open road are easy.

There's only one way to find out though and that's wait and see, so tentative is still a great word!

threefeethighandrising Fri 15-Jul-11 12:52:02

You're getting the hang of it already by the way smile

I hadn't realised quite how much having a baby becomes all about logistics e.g. "we'll meet our old friend to go [somewhere] and we'll travel together as usual. Oh hold on that's not going to work any more, she doesn't have a car seat. OK, we'll take our car too. Must remember to take the buggy in the boot as we'll need it at the other end. And the changing bag, and ... " etc etc

You're doing well to already be thinking ahead, you'll be great!

At your stage I was focussing so much on the birth, I hadn't really spent much time considering what would come next! (Sounds stupid now! blush)

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