getting over an ectopic pregnancy

[Lucylucy57]

Hi
Ive been in hospital for that last week following an ectopic pregnancy. I was 8wks and had no danger symptoms at all till I woke in the night in extreme pain. I was rushed into hospital and has to undergo emergancy surgery as they discovered I had been bleeding internally for a good while. The surgery itself was quite traumatic as I lost a lot of blood along with a fallopian tube. It took me a good few days to feel remotely better physically as I needed more transfusions.
Now Im home and a bit stronger physically Im finding things quite difficult emotionally. The few times Ive felt well enough to leave the house and be in public, Ive suddenly burst into tears.
My consultant wants to see me in a few months so he can check my remaining tube before we try again for another baby but Im so worried that those tests will show that there is a problem there.
I was really just hoping that there were some ladies out there who may have been in a similar situation and could offer some advice or tell me their experience. Things seem all very sad and worrying right now.

[Primafacie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone - I had an ectopic last year and lost both tubes (one burst with the ectopic, the other had a hydrosalpinx so was removed at the same time). If it helps, I went on to have IVF and am holding my son now while typing with one finger. Give yourself time to heal, mentally and physically. I remember feeling very betrayed by my body. I also hated looking at the scars. Time will help, along with therapy/counselling if you are so inclined.

[benne81]

Hi Lucy I'm so sorry to hear how unwell you have been. I had an ectopic in September, although I was luckier in a way because it was a failing pregnancy and I managed to get away without having surgery I was devastated and it took me quite a while to get over. I was convinced afterwards that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and it really affected me. I kept it to myself initially but when you start talking about it, it is literally amazing the number of people who have gone through it, required surgery and then conceived. I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and fingers crossed things seem to be going ok. Things seem bad and its natural to be upset but you will get over this and if they do find problems then at least you know and can tackle them with IVF as primafacie and other people I know have done.

[Lucylucy57]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Its given me hope that I can go on to have a healthy baby as you are both experiencing now.
As you say Primafacie, looking at the scar at the moment seems such a reminder that I failed in some way. Im sure that this feeling will pass and Im waiting for the early pregnancy team to contact me so I can arrange someone to talk to. Its hard talking to family sometimes. They are as upset as I am and also had to deal with the stress of nearly losing me in the process.
Its very reassuring to hear that you have both conceived after an ectopic. Did you find this an easy process Benne81? Are they keeping a close eye on you? How did you find IVF Primafacie? Sorry for the questions, I just dont know anyone personally who has gone through this.
I think friends/family are a bit worried about what to say to me about everything right now. It really does help to have the advice of others who understand. Thank you so much.

[benne81]

Don't mind answering your questions at all. As I said I found it really difficult to talk to anyone about and I didn't tell anyone really other than 2 close friends and close family. I found it really hard to talk about and felt that I had failed in someway. Looking back now I wish that I had been more open with people because when I started to talk about it, so many people told me about similar experiences that it made me realised talking was quite cathartic - but maybe it is normal to take a while to get to that stage. They recommeneded that we wait one period cycle before trying again (but then I didn't have surgery) it took a further 3-4 months to get pregnant again and tbh the hospital were fantastic (I had so many scans my husband would be able to do them blindfolded!) scans at 4,6, 8,11, 12 weeks! which was reassuring. I have then had further problems (increased risk on screening test) and I'm on aspirin but I don't think that has anything to do with the ectopic and actually the baby is growing well and looking good so fingers crossed x. Try and remain positive, although this is coming from someone who found it really difficult to remain positive so I know its not easy.

[AitchTwoOh]

have you had a wee look at www.ectopic.org.uk? that is run by the ectopic pregnancy trust, and in particular a nurse called Izzie who pretty much kept me sane when i lost two pregnancies to ectopic. it's a cruel, cruel thing, and most people don't understand it, ime. of course you have lost a pregnancy, which you mourn, but also you have this terrifying situation introduced for the next time you are pregnant... it's horrific.

BUT. as someone who has had two eps (one treated with metho, one by removing tube, and boy was i glad to get rid of that crappy tube) and who was on the EPT site for a long time, i can tell you from my observations that the vast, vast majority of us went on to have our children. i've got two daughters now, and got pregnant both times within just a few months of trying.

remember that the fallopian tubes are mobile, and the egg is attracted to the opening of them by chemical signals, so they really do hoover the egg up from the 'wrong' side. in both of my successful pregnancies the corpus luteum looked like it was on the wrong side for my tube, so it definitely happens.

you have a lot of stuff to recover from right now, all the fear, all the grief, the sheer upheaval of the operation... oh it is so overwhelming, i remember. (in fact i was pretty much catatonic for the first week after my second ep). but time passes, you find out more about your tubes, you worry and cry and feel like a failure etc etc etc and then one day you get that positive test and get a scan to check everything is as it ought to be... and then you realise that everything is going to be okay after all.

you will get there, i am sure, but you will need support and friendship, so do take it where it is offered.

[Saffra]

I'm really so sorry to hear about your loss, Lucy. I have also been in your position (ruptured tube, internal bleeding, surgery), so can completely understand how awful and worrying the entire experience and aftermath is.

My DH and I had started trying for a baby but I didn't know I was pregnant at the time. So, to say that it was a shock would be an understatement (sudden pain/collapse, hospital, pregnancy announcement, surgery). What I found most difficult was that, after hospital, everyone was focusing on my physical recovery (which I guess is normal as is an easier subject to talk about than the loss of a baby and unknown impact on fertility), whereas I was feeling so sad and numb about losing a baby - as well as a general fear of what losing a tube meant. I had a lot of anger/sadness. It was hard to explain how I felt - I felt very alone - and it took me quite a while to feel like I had recovered emotionally. I also hated my scar, as it was an ugly reminder of what happened.

Like AitchTwoOh, I also spent time on the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust boards, looking at other people's stories and trying to get to grips with what happened in my mind. I definitely found the boards useful.

This was over two years ago. Afterwards, I put plans for TTC on hold as didn't feel ready, but started trying again last year. I was scared about losing the other tube, and being strong enough to go through another ectopic.

After 3 months of TTC, I fell pregnant and am now due in September. The early pregnancy unit at the hospital were brilliant, and got me straight in for early scans as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test result. I actually had three scans (first it was too early, then they saw the sac, and the third scan, the heartbeat) and felt very well monitored throughout the process at the start.

Please take your time. Don't rush to get back to normality if you don't feel ready. But above all, please be kind to yourself xxx

[iMemoo]

I had a ruptured ectopic that resulted in me having my tube removed. We still managed to conceive naturally and now have DD2.

My EP was the most traumatic thing that I have ever been through and I'm so sorry you're going through it too. Please be reassured though that time does heal. It still hurts when I think back but the pain isn't as raw. Sending you love xx

[Primafacie]

Lucy, IVF is a big deal but once you are in the middle of it it does not seem like such a huge thing because it is broken down in lots of tiny steps, so you only focus on one thing at a time. I honestly would not worry about it right now since you still have one good tube, but if you want to find out more you could go on specialised websites such as fertilityfriends and fertilityzone. Be careful though as these message boards can be anxiety-generating as you absorb the worries of other posters! Big hugs

[piprabbit]

I had an ectopic - it took me a couple of weeks to start feeling physically better, but the emotional healing took much longer. A lovely nurse at the hospital told the (very young) doctor to sign me off work for 6 weeks. I was at the time, but in the end I needed every day of that time. I can remember taking my DD to a Halloween party about 5 weeks after the ectopic and just sitting in the corner, watching her play, with tears running down my cheeks. Please don't feel you need to rush yourself into 'getting over it' sooner than you are ready.

When the ectopic pregnancy was removed, I lost a tube and was also diagnosed with endometrios. It meant that our only option was to go on to IVF. Luckily I got pregnant with my wonderful DS first time.

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this. It is such an emotional and frightening experience. Take things one step at a time, don't try to rush ahead or make too many plans at the moment and please be kind to yourself and your DP.

[Lucylucy57]

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded to my post. I cant describe how much help and hope you have given me. I will have a good look at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust boards - thank you for the tip.
I think, as you all say, I need to give myself time to build my strength back up both emotionally and physically. As you say Piprabbit, when I was told that I would be off work for 6-8weeks it seems like such a long time. However now that Im trying to get back into a 'normal' routine its harder than I thought and I seem to get very emotional very suddenly when out in public.
Being a typical control freak both at work and home I find not knowing my prognosis and having to rest and wait quite difficult. My poor boyfriend really does have the patience of a saint. Im very grateful for having such a wonderful family who have been sensitive, caring and supportive. Thanks you for talking about the IVF Primaface. It really helps.
Knowing that Im not alone in having experienced this and hearing that you all now have wonderful, happy and healthy families has helped me more than I can say. (sorry, getting teary again!) xx

[AitchTwoOh]

this bit really is shit, lucy, but the absolute likelihood is that it will be okay in the end. you just have to let yourself recover from this bit before thinking about the future. i feel so much sympathy for you, having been there myself, but look, as you see, we all have our kids now, one way or another. you'll get there...