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My husband is driving me mad but is it 'just' due to pregnancy???

(13 Posts)
becks130 Sat 09-Jul-11 20:37:26

I've been with my DH for almost 10 years and we have been through a HUGE amount together and manager to come out the other end still together and stronger, but I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with our 3rd baby and I am finding him unbearable to live with and find myself arguing with him a lot.

A lot of our arguements were based around the fact that he would spend most of saturday or sunday in the pub and when I questioned him he told me that if he was at home all I would do is start an arguement. Well to cut a long story short today I decided to go to the pub with him this afternoon and found out that a young (18 years oldish!) woman really fancy him is 'after' him. Am I completely unreasonable to feel very upset about this? It has causes yet another argument and apparently I am the one with a srew lose angry I'm also fully aware that my neighbour is 'after' him and she said to me today while at the pub that she always gets what she wants and her current boyfriend had a girlfriend when they got together!

I really don't know what to think, I do trust my husband but with all the arguing and women throwing themselves at him when they know that we're going through a bad patch just makes me VERY paranoid and I really don't know what to do.

Am I being unreasonable questioning him all the time and being mooding over the situation? He tells me that it's me with the problem and has even said that he can't carry on living with me if I keep this up sad Is anyone else finding pregnancy VERY hard emotionally?

I'm not sure what it is that i'm hoping to get from this post I think that I just need to vent some anger!!

Thanks for reading xx

mummymccar Sat 09-Jul-11 20:51:35

Can I just say first, your neighbour: what a f*****g b***h! How dare she say that to you? She is obviously trying to cause problems between you, and you being pregnant too! Awful.
I'm not married so I can't give you much advice I'm afraid but I can say that paranoia is very difficult to control, and it sounds like others around you are doing their best to use it to their advantage. I think you need to sit down with your husband and rationally explain how you feel. Pregnancy does make you hormonal but it sounds like there are external influences here too. Be careful not to accuse him of anything, he has spent the last 10 years with you, you have three beautiful children with him - you have more to offer him than any 18 year old or skanky neighbour. you just need to show him that. It'll take time, but you can work through this together.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.

pregnantmimi Sat 09-Jul-11 21:18:41

It would annoy me that he was in the pub and its a bit unfair of him to try to put the blame on you saying you would only augue if he was in the house.

If I had gone the pub and seen a 18 year old chatting up husband would have gone mentallllllll wondering if thats why he likes to go so much so no not being unreasonable.

I would ask him to stay in and try not to augue with him.

Actually I have had problems with 2 woman recently 1 chatting up not just being friendly with my husband and another one trying to cause trouble this has only happened since been pregnant so think that some woman just get jelous!!

But yeah pregnancy doesnt help I found myself constently questioning my husband about the woman and obsessing over it all the time.

Eventually decided to ignor him for a bit then he come to me wanting to get it sorted so maybe thats a good idea just let him get on with going the pub and dont augue then wait for him come to you to talk about it and put your mind at

otchayaniye Sun 10-Jul-11 13:52:12

I can't speak for the other woman but I'd have no respect for a father who spends most of the weekend avoiding looking after his children, or helping his pregnant wife.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sun 10-Jul-11 13:59:34

What otcha said. He spends all weekend in the pub when you've got two young children, and tells you that it's 'so you don't start an argument'? So it's your fault that he avoids you, then? Does he define 'starting an argument' as 'asking him to pull his bloody finger out and help out', by any chance?

And that's putting aside the other women aspect, but again he's blaming you for minding, and now he's threatening to leave? So basically you put up and shut up or he walks, is that his position?

I don't think this is pregnancy hormones, love, I really don't. i think you're married to a twat who's willing to bully you into keeping quiet when you're unhappy.

redexpat Sun 10-Jul-11 16:23:33

I know this may sound a little weird, but I really recommend getting the marriage course dvd by nicki and cilla lee. Our priest showed up on the doorstep with a copy once we arranged to get married and it was really really good! Lots of tools for how to talk to your partner and the like. Might be a little fix that you both need. maybe there's a copy in the library. It can less intimidating for men because it's a dvd at home rather than going to counselling or anything.

You dont sound unreasonable. It IS hard when you're pg to know if its the hormones or you. I dont think being pregnant and home with 2 other kids is an easy situation for anyone and as the father and your partner he should be helping you with this.

babyonbord Sun 10-Jul-11 16:34:47

I think you proabaly are over reacting a little, your husband hasn't atually done anything and has stuck by you for ten years, men rarely leave their wives, he probably likes the attention he gets and to him it is probably harmless. I think it's best to try and ignore it, be flattered that your husband is desirable to other women. I like it when other women try it on with my dh, other than it being funny when he tells them where to go its a bit of a self esteem boost in that i have something that other women want. If you act jealous and start arguments with him, it will only drive a wedge between you, you're better off ignoring it or laughing about it with him, (so long as he isn't actually encouraging it).

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 11-Jul-11 06:22:56

Are you serious, babyonbord, that the OP should accept the fact that her husband is out at the pub all weekend, leaving her alone with two young children and she's pregnant, tells her she's 'got a screw loose' for questioning him and that it's her fault that he stays out because she's a nag... because at least he has stuck by her?

Bloody hell. Personally I have standards for my relationships.

spookshowangel Mon 11-Jul-11 08:29:18

is your husband out every sat and sunday or either or i found that confusing. is it all day or just for a few hours. if its all day both days that is not on and would totally ring alarm bells for me. his excuse that if he was at home you would argue may have merit and you may need on work on that as a couple but that is not really an excuse for him to hide out in the pub for a whole day. if its just a couple of hours for one day then i think you need to relax he should be allowed to enjoy his free time how he wants, from what you said he didnt seem particularly upset that you went with him to the pub so i doesnt seem like he was trying to keep this 18 yr old a secret, which is probably why he sat there looking at you like you were being a crazy person.
you cant really do anything to stop your husband from cheating, if he is inclined to he will (not saying your husband here speaking generally) but being paranoid and picking fights with him about things he cant really control, you may drive a wedge between you that may give you bitch of a neighbour the in she needs. its not his fault she has set her sights on him. the 18 yr old i would take it that he is flattered by the attention and no more and look at the real problem why he doesnt want to come home.

babyonbord Mon 11-Jul-11 11:21:08

well it depends on a lot of things obv if it is every weekend and all weekend it's a bit cheeky and you maybe need to try and rota it so you have some time off as well but for a few hours i can't see any harm, most men like to do that it helps them unwind i think if they have been at work all week. My dh doesn't go to the pub he has the odd night out with his mates which is fairy snuff i wouldn't mind if he wanted to go to the pub for a few hours on a weekend though but he says he'd rather spend it with me and a takeaway lol. I think spookshow is right and it's what i was trying to say he probably doesn't understand the problem and it's a bit of a circle in that he goes to the pub, you nag him for going so he goes to get away from you and the issue never really gets resolved.

pregnantmimi Tue 12-Jul-11 02:03:14

tortoiseonthehalfshell love your posts make me laugh as its just the sort of thing my blunt friend emma would say and love her for it lol

mathanxiety Tue 12-Jul-11 02:16:32

It's not you. It's him. And the 18 yo floozy.

And he is being cruel by (a) suggesting you have a screw loose (b) spending a day in the pub while you are at home pregnant with two young children and (c) trying to tell you you are some sort of shrew who starts arguments as a pasttime.

Babyonbord are you a hairy trucker? From another planet? A hairy trucker from another planet?
'be flattered that your husband is desirable to other women.'??????? I have heard it all now.

pregnantmimi Tue 12-Jul-11 02:52:14

personally I would feel hurt and rejected that he didnt want to spend the time with me and would rather be out with his mates in the pub.

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