Antenatal classes

[lightsandshapes]

DP has just announced the he won't come to antenatal classes with me, especially the NTC 'hippy shit' (his words) ones, because he will be embarrased. I feel shocked and abandoned. What sort of -idiot- man have I chosen to be the father of my child? Don't know if this should be in the relationships thread. At the moment I feel pretty taken for granted by him, and wondering if I should have my mum as my birth partner instead. WTF is wrong with hm? Most men seem to want to do everything they can to support their partner - but no - not this one :(
Help!

[mistressploppy]

Maybe he's scared and is responding/compensating with bluster? NCT weren't hippy at all, I found. DH came to the ones he was 'invited' to, and our leader sent all the men off to blow up the home birth pool together! It was a master stroke, as they all got to stand around grunting at each other, and actually bonded a bit.

True, maybe he is a proper twat, but try and get him to talk seriously about how he feels first, then decide.

[BikeRunSki]

My NHS classes were far more Hippy than NCT!!!

There were a couple of girls who usually came without their DPs - one worked nights and one was away a lot - although both men came to one or two classes. Ask your DP what he is planning to do when you are in labour. If he is planning on going to the pub, then he is a twat. If he wants to help you, then he needs to go to the classes.

[sunshinehugs]

I have the same problem, he says he doesn't want to sit there practicing breathing etc, he'd feel rediculous. I have booked them anyway and am hoping to persuade him to come to at least the first one in the hope he'll come to some more, if not I'll go alone or take the MIL! I was really really upset at first but he's not a bad person and has been really slushy about the whole experience. Now I have booked it he has a few months to get used to the idea. How is your DP being in general about the pregnancy?

Oh, he is also saying he won't be changing any nappies. I am not discussing it at the moment as I think 4 months of nagging will not do any good, will be leaving that battle till the birth (though maybe not a great idea with sleep deprivation added to the mix!)
If worst comes to the worst he'd better compensate in other ways...massages, doing all the house work, cooking tea every night......

[LoveBeingAbleToNamechange]

I agree it could be due to fear, either if the birth or something else. You do need him to ne honest about if he can be at the birth or not do you can make arrangements.

My dh didn't go to antenatal but that was due to work.

[LoveBeingAbleToNamechange]

Oh and in none of my 5 NHS sessions did we pratice breathing, aparently we all know how to do that already

[ksaunders]

Hmmm, might be worth considering your mum/an alternate and/or additional birth partner. My sister's husband was literally left holding the baby after she bled more than expected giving birth and had to be rushed off to surgery. He had been to antenatal classes with her, but was still a bit overwhelmed being left alone to put a nappy on and get the baby dressed!

[Icoulddoitbetter]

There were a couple of women in my NCT whose partners didn't want to go so didn't. I'm afraid if my DH has suggested it I would have gone mad at him. I know that DH didn't look forward to it, and that he felt embarrased some of the time when we were there. But, our DS is 50% his so he needed to be there, like it or not!

And sunshine your DP needs a very stern talking to re: refusing to change nappies, this is not 1950. Does he really think he is never going to be left alone with his child for the first two years of their life???? I didn't really relish the idea of it. I'd never done it before DS came along, but you've got no choice have you?!

I know I sound really harsh, but it really annoys me when I hear about men who seem to think there are bits of parenting that they can avoid. We are the ones who give birth, but other than that it has to be 50-50 all the way when both parents are there.

[Beccabop]

Ahh to me its neither here nor there if your partner doesnt want to attend antenatal classes. Mine came to the first one with me but afterwards we both felt he neednt attend anymore; hes not the one giving birth, after all!
Of course a man doesnt want to practise breathing exercises, why should he lol, its not necessary for him!
As long as hes there beside you when it comes to the crunch thats all that matters :)
Dont worry Sunshinehugs when your child is physically in front of him he will change his mind about a lot of things, he'll be over the moon to change a nappy :)

[sunshinehugs]

He is ever so soppy and really looking forward to the baby arriving so I should think he will be willing to help out when our little one is here :) else he will be getting a stern talking too!

[grubbalo]

My DH came to our NCT classes very begrudgingly, and really didn't enjoy them much if I'm honest. Actually one of the things that drove him mad was the whole stereotyping thing which he'd predicted would happen, I said not at NCT and then sure enough it did. In saying all that he knew it was important to me that we went and so did come purely for that reason.

My point anyway is that he was subsequently fantastic at the birth, and has been a great hands on dad ever since. He would have been just the same if he hadn't come to classes. So yes do try to persuade him for YOUR sake, but please don't think his attitude is indicative of what will happen in the future!

Good luck

[candr]

I love the way a lot of men seem to think that we won't feel a bit silly doing exercises etc or get embarrased at all. I am lucky my DH says he wnts to have a strong bond with baby and be involved but have yet to get him to read one of the books so he understands some of the lingo. We are going away for the weekend so will swap his novel for the MN guide as he always reads before falling asleep.

[otchayaniye]

Don't discount anything until your baby is here. I had my first child abroad where there were no antenatal classes, but in general my husband was very disdainful of the idea of classes and he hired a nanny for confinement and bought the Gina Ford books and told me he wouldn't change her nappies (I think half in jest though ... )

Cue actually having her he cancelled the nanny, gave up work to be a SAHD(apart from 2 night shifts which he fits around caring for her with me) only carries her in wraps, co-sleeps, supports my breastfeeding a near three year old while pregnant, and is basically about as AP/UP as I've come across.

I also have the personality type that can be very scathing of all that NCT class stuff. Even though do the 'hippy' thing. Classes just ain't my thing. And I have real reservations about some of the NCT's attitudes to natural birth and how they prepare women for sections. This going on what I've heard, rather than experienced, so realise I could be talking out of my arsepipe.