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Pregnant after three miscarriages, just feel sad

(10 Posts)
RedB Thu 07-Jul-11 15:21:46

I have an almost 5 year old and we tried to have another for several years after she was born with no success. I've had 3 miscarriages since she was born, the latest at Easter this year. I'm 43, I've come to terms with only having one, and the last miscarriage is still recent enough for me to dread it happening again. But I know its going to, and I almost want it to, to get it over and done with. I can't be happy, just hacked off I'm going to have to go through it again. Fair enough to anyone who says we should have used contraception, I just figured I was too old now, seems I was wrong! My daughter will be 5 1/2 if this baby does make it through to being born, that's a huuuuge age gap, and she's so used to being an only, I'm not sure she will cope.

Aaggghh, I just wish I could go back to that excitement I felt the first time I ever saw two pink lines on a test and not feel a sense of dread instead.

Marrow Thu 07-Jul-11 15:29:20

First of all congratulations! smile I can understand how you feel. My situation is very similar to yours. I had three pregnancy losses after my DD (and one before her) When I found out I was pregnant for the sixth time last year I was absolutely terrified and couldn't feel any joy.

However I got through it and seven month DS is sitting on my lap as I type! DD was also 5.5 when he was born. She seems to be coping ok. She was even asking me last week if I would have another baby!

Pregnancy is never easy after pregnancy losses. I just tried to take each week at a time and set myself little goals. My midwife saw me every fortnight after 20 weeks which really helped as I got to hear the heartbeat regularly. Good luck. Hope everything works out for you. Have you been referred for your miscarriages? Have you been put on aspirin at all?

KittyChat Thu 07-Jul-11 15:32:17

You don't KNOW this pregnancy will fail, your body might just be ready this time. No harm in hoping for the best, and no one would ever judge you for not using contraception!

How does your DP/DH feel about it?

I don't think the age gap would be a problem. Your dd will be old enough to help with picking out names, clothes etc and then helping with the baby. You have loads of time to prepare her for the birth and help her understand there is plenty of room for a new baby in the family. Personally I would like a gap of about that long myself because I can't imagine caring for a newborn and a toddler!

Sorry, nothing too constructive to offer but just wanted to send you my best wishes and all the luck in the world.

harassedandherbug Thu 07-Jul-11 15:38:39

I'm 16 weeks preg after two mc's this year! A mmc in Jan, and a mc in March. I'm 40 (41 when this one is born) and there will be a 5.5 yr age gap between dd and the baby. It's been very scary..... but I'm just starting to feel a little calmer now I'm feeling movements and heard the hb. Having a mc just ruins your pregnancy for you, it's such a shame. This is def my last baby (will be my 4th) so I'd love to be able to enjoy it as I did with the others but it's very hard.

There's a Freak Out thread in Conception full of lovely ladies who are preg after miscarriage. Why don't you come and join us?

RedB Thu 07-Jul-11 15:41:48

Thanks so much for your kind words, they have made me feel better. My DH doesn't know yet (only just found out today and needed to vent and can't tell him till he gets home tonight!) and I predict will try desperately to say the right thing while inwardly feeling similar to me, plus worried about money and how we might cope if we do make it this time.

I'm new to mumsnet so hadn't realised the Freak Out thread existed, am heading there now!

Georgimama Thu 07-Jul-11 15:49:03

I'm 36 weeks pregnant after 2 MCs since having DS. He is now four and a half. Even now, with a date for my C section all booked I can't shake the feeling something is going to go terribly terribly wrong so I understand exactly how you feel. But this time could be OK, it really really could, for you and me.

Have a MNy "buck up" shoulder pat instead of a hug.

owlbooty Thu 07-Jul-11 15:53:57

Good luck! MC does take all the carefree joy out of subsequent pregnancies and replaces it with horrible panic and fear - I hope that this pregnancy is successful for you and also, importantly, that you are able to relax as time goes on and enjoy it. You are most definitely not too old and it's not too big a gap - I bet your DD will love being grown-up big sis. The Freak Out room crowd will understand completely, do pop in and visit smile

Crosshair Thu 07-Jul-11 15:56:47

I just wanted to say Good luck!

bessie26 Thu 07-Jul-11 15:58:00


I had 2 mc after DD1, currently have DD2 sleeping on my lap grin. I remember being terrified before every scan (I had extra ones because DD1 was prem), and totally freaked myself out when my MS symptoms disappeared. I just kept telling myself that according to the stats (that 1 in 3 pg end in mc) I should be able to have another 3 healthy children! Also my MW was fabulous & let me go in to listen to the heartbeat almost every week!

harassedandherbug Thu 07-Jul-11 16:09:19

bessie I've just bought a doppler so I'm not at the mw's every 5 mins for a listen grin.

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