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Unplanned third pregnancy scared and confused

(7 Posts)
Shyera Wed 06-Jul-11 19:47:36

I have just found out that i am exp my third, partner not happy at all, just keep arguing.

I just feel so confused and i don't know what to do for the best, worrying about so much like if we can even afford it. It is going to change our whole world.

Don't think i can go through with a termination, but don't want this to split up my family.

spookshowangel Wed 06-Jul-11 21:50:07

deep breath, going through with a termination that you dont want is likely to leave you feeling upset, resentful and unsupported by your OH. think very carefully before doing anything you are not comfortable with. that wont help your family either.
if you have both just found out you need some time to let the dust settle so you can talk about it properly. i recently found out that i was pregnant with my 4th to a man i had only been with for 9 months, but i knew pretty much right away i wasnt going to be able to have an abortion and that was the stance i went with when i told him. he was great at first, had a bit of a wobble over the practicalities (he has 3 of his own too) and is now fine again. so maybe you OH just needs some time to get past the shock of it all.

deardear Thu 07-Jul-11 13:31:38

i am in the same situation and i am going to play it how it comes for now. i am 7 weeks ish - i am feeling more confused over his behaviour and think thats making me feel like i should carry on with it. however, i am 70% convinced i will carry on with it although its a big step with a 12 year gap!

2sCompany Thu 07-Jul-11 14:06:05

I am also in the same situation! Found out I was pregnant when about 9 weeks. This will be my third, but the fourth child in our house as DH's son lives with us too (current children are 13, 9 and 2).

When I found out I didn't know what to do - we don't really have the space or the financial stability for another child and practically I just didn't think we should go ahead with the pregnancy.

The only way I made my mind up was to decide to have a termination. I decided that was it and for about a week planned to go ahead with an abortion. I came to realise this was wrong though as I was upset the whole week and couldn't bring myself to make an appt to do it. DH was no help at all, he just said he would support whatever I decided, so it came down to me in the end. Well, I am now 23 weeks and we are keeping the baby, we will just have to manage.

Perhaps if you try and sit down and discuss the pros and cons of keeping or termination. Look into what physically happens if you have an abortion and make sure your partner knows exactly what is happening to your body and if he can watch you go through that. How will it affect your mental health too? Although I know my DH and other children will all be affected by a new baby, emotionally and financially, how would they be affected by a mum that is unhappy all the time and maybe depressed as an after-effect of an abortion that you weren't really comfortable with? Make a decision and see if you can live with it - that's the only thing that worked for me, otherwise you just spend hours going round and round in circles in your own head, or arguing about it.

Hope that helps a bit. Very best luck with whatever you decide, I know how hard it is xxxxxx

Shyera Thu 07-Jul-11 17:09:46

Thank you all for sharing with me, we went to the doctors this morning and confirmed the pregnancy when the doc asked about termination OH stated not an option. So we have decided to keep but still not talking properly and OH does not seem happy i suppose over time we will get used to it.

Thank you once again

kh0609 Thu 07-Jul-11 17:22:26

i also found myself in the same situation, i think its the inital shock when you think your family is complete. I sold my pram the week before i found out i was pregnant. I was worried how it would effect my other 2 children and was concerned if they would go without. as the weeks passed i go used to and excited about the idea so give it now 15 weeks and just found out my baby is classed as high risk for downs, this has confirmed to me that this baby is very much wanted and loved.

Take each week at a time and im sure before long you will start to feel alot more positive about it, as my husband kept saying to me, every baby is a gift!!!

Shyera Fri 15-Jul-11 11:10:05

Things getting a bit better but still very tense in the house. We have our first midwife appointment soon so that might improve the situation. We just need to get over the shock i think harder for men

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