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How to Tell Parents?

(10 Posts)
likelucklove Tue 05-Jul-11 23:28:23


I'm fairly new on this turf so bear with me. I have just found out that I am PG! About 3-4 weeks gone as was due AF today but didn't come and am in sync with my body so did a test and got a BFP!

But.... I am 22 years old, living with my DP, who we have just moved back into his brother's because of living issues with our rented house. I think my parents will react slightly angrily at first as I have just finished my second year of university (which they wasn't keen on either) and was wondering what the best way is to break the news and how others have done it?

Just think coming out with it out of the blue may be a bit too much! Maybe a meal so they can't shout in public?? Haha!

Many thanks!

BooBooGlass Tue 05-Jul-11 23:35:58

As an adult, the decision isn't really up to your parents. You're not a teenager living at home. Your best bet is to think of all the possible objections they may have so you can answer them. Have you thought of the practicalities? I had my dd when I was a student and it is doable, so don't think you'll have to stop with only one year to go. The housing arrangements obviously aren't ideal, but you'll cope. Do your parents financially support you? Are you enjoying your course? It sounds as if your parents are disapproving in general, and I hesitate to say this, but have you gotten pregnantto prove a point to them? To test on the day you are due on and to be in sync with your body is pretty much he behaviour of someone who has been ttc. Which as an adult is your choice, but these are the questions they will ask. Fwiw, my parents were just awful to me when I was pg. It was completely unplanned, I was miles away from both them and exp(I discovered in freshers week) and was literally on my own the whole way. But I coped. I would really really try and finish uni though.

likelucklove Tue 05-Jul-11 23:45:29

No it wasn't planned but can understand how it will seem so.

Me and DP have always talked about having children, as have been together 3 1/2 years now but didn't know it was gonna be this soon! Me and my partner support each other, but of course we will be moving back out to have our own space and to grow as a family together.

I love university and definitely wouldn't give up. A woman was pregnant in my class last year and she was so complimentary about them that it makes me feel better it's just that we were planning on starting after I had finished university so I could find work after having a DC.

I don't think they would disown me, it's just I'm the first to go to university in my family and they don't like change too much I think (this being a huge change!).

It sounds like you went through so much with your PG and thank you for your help has really helped as has made me realize it is scary, but I could never take the other option as I would never punish a child for something it had no say over, even if it may not be 'the right time'.

dontwantanickname Tue 05-Jul-11 23:50:31

I was just 17 when I got pregnant with DS1. I was nervous as hell as my mum is devout catholic. she laughed when i blurted it out to her and said it wasn't exactly a shock ( i presumed she meant by this she knew i was sexually active rather than thinking i was careless about contraception-i was very careful i hasten to add,although clearly not careful enough!)

I wasn't living at home or financially dependant on them despite my young age. My dad shook my bfs hand and said congratulations instead of the beating we were expecting.
I did discover my mum crying at church the next sunday though sad

I hope it goes ok when you break the news. Even if they 'disown' you at first most parents come round to the idea and dote on the DGC.

likelucklove Tue 05-Jul-11 23:51:03

Actually adding to that, we have been having US for a couple of months, not ttc as I have sai,d but it wasn't happening amd was getting worried as I have had a miscarriage before and it is in the family. But we both agreed it would not be the worst thing in the world and have actually grown stronger over recent months smile

BooBooGlass Tue 05-Jul-11 23:53:37

Having unprotected sex IS ttc

likelucklove Wed 06-Jul-11 00:06:11

But we weren't actively trying but can see that it is ttc. That was never intentions, as we don't actually do have much sex anyway. Sorry TMI. I can make all the excuses in the world but it's happened and I can see this is what parents would say. I am excited but scared at the same time, obviously because it's a big change that I wasn't expecting for at least a year, even if we was very foolish.

babyonbord Wed 06-Jul-11 09:14:39

You should just tell them, you're an adult and they might not like your choices but they are your choices. I was 23 when i got pg with my ds i was terrified of telling my mum thought she would go mental i don't know why as it happens they were thrilled and my mum came to my scans with us and was even at the birth and cut the cord, because my ex didn't want to. We split up about 9 months after he was born (he's 2 now)and i walked straight into another relationship at the start of last year, then got pg again in october i thought my mum and his parents would kill us as we were still going through the courts with my ex and had just bought a house, but they didn't, i don't think my mum was impressed but accepted it was my "mistake" to make but the nearer i get to giving birth the more excited she is getting, she keeps ringing and texting me to find out if i'm any nearer to giving birth despite the fact i've told her i'll ring her as soon as i'm en route to the hospital and my dh's mum is going to be at the birth this time (in the sake of fairness, plus my mum might be in corfu when i give birth)

Gingersnap88 Sun 10-Jul-11 16:40:35

Just wanted to add as I couldn't read without commenting.

I am 23, have just finished University and am in a job that I love. I am also 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. My fiancé and I have been living together for 2.5 years and although we weren't planning on having a child right now, we are over the moon.

I was petrified about telling my mum. Especially as she frequently used to voice that I should wait until I was in my 30s like she did. I felt physically sick beforehand but actually I did her a disservice. She was wonderful! Shocked but happy, we laughed and cried and did the whole "it's not great timing but it's here so let's be positive". I am having an early scan next Friday and she's coming with us. She even told my grandmother (who I thought would be horrified) and she was happy for us too.
I took flowers round to my mum to tell her and she sort of guessed. So I think the entire point of this is: it probably won't be as bad as you think!

Good luck smile x

2gorgeousboys Sun 10-Jul-11 16:50:05

I found out I was pregnant when I was just 22. I'd just taken a break from university after being very ill. We had been together 4 months and I was on the pill, we were both living with family (me grandparents and him his parents having just split up from his wife).

I told my Mum first, we went for a walk in the park together, as I knew that ultimately however devastated she was she would support me. I then told my Dad later that day and he cried sad. I think their biggest worry was that I would be left on my own with the baby and had ruined my life.

Fast foward 12 years, DH and I are happily married, DS1 is now 11 and has been joined by DS2 and I have a good job that I love.

Telling my parents I was pregnant was one of the hardest thing I've ever done, all the time I was pregnant my Dad would not admit or discuss it, however when DS1 came along he was smitten and I would not change anything at all now.

Good luck and congratuations smile

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