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Anyone give birth without partner(9 Posts)
Hi, Hope you are all well and blooming!
I have a bit of a dilemma.
I am due in October with our second. Our dd will be exactly 24 months by then.
I don't have any family nearby nor does my DH and although I know a few people here I don't have any close friends.
I am wondering what I can do when I go into labour. If it's in the daytime I think it will be ok and I am sure I could ask someone from our playgroup to take her for a few hours but I am not sure what will happen at night time.
She has never stayed without us overnight let alone with people I don't know very well.
Has anyone any ideas for me? I want to get it sorted out soon.
I was wondering if maybe my DH should just stay with our DD and I go it alone?
I have never given birth without a partner and I have to say the thought scares me a little.
We are in a simmilar boat, although DC's are a good bit older. My mum is coming down to take care of the childrenwhen I am due, and we have a friend on 'just incase' duty!
Could someone come and stay for a few days? Im also sure if you explained your situation to some of the mum's at playgroup they would offer to help out. Even if your DD hasn't stayed away or didn't settle too well it owuld only be for one night.
hi, i am kind of in a similar postion to you, my advise would be to get a babysitter now and then your little one can get used to them, we used sitters.co.uk and they are great this would be fine for the daytime. for the nighttime its more tricky you will have to take her to the hospital with you and when show time comes she will have to leave the room and one of the nurses i am sure will entertain for a little while or your husband will have to step out with her too. i asked my doc about thsi the other day and thats wht they said. do you have any family that could come and stay with you during this time?
i am sure we wont be the first women to have to bring our little ones to the hospital with us, its not ideal but if you have no other choice there is not much you can do. sorry i cant be more help. hope it all works out for you.
Ok, the good thing is that October is a good distance away!
I would concentrate hard on making closer friends so you are in a position to ask. Most people I know would be thrilled to be asked to help. Work on two or three acquaintances and then reveal your dilemma to them- I honestly think it is a very sad society we live in if they say no, especially if you are able to do them favours too before October. Think really laterally about everyone you know and don't be English about asking...
If you end up with a very long labour, or if your baby goes back into hospital, or in a myriad of situations it will be useful to have a friend who can take DD and not have her in the corridor waiting...
I was in this situation and decided on a homebirth, knowing if I needed to be transfered I would be on my own, but was happy to risk it.
As it happened DS2 (who was 27) months woke up, and so DH spend most of the labour with him...but I insisted he came into the room while DD was actually born, so he brought DS2 with him.
A sitters babysitter probably wont be able to stay for an entire labour...they usually go home around 12, and have to be up in the morning for work/their own children.
If you have to take your DC to the hostpital, I doubt they would let them in the delivery room.
Although you may be shy of asking some one to have your DD while you are in labour, I bet loads of people would be very chuffed and feel privileged if asked. Yes, it would be a big adventure for your DD, but she would probably prefer to watch Cbeebies (and be fussed over) in someone elses comfy house than spend the night in a hospital corridor.
Yes, it was great, both times! I have a wonderful husband but just did not want him to be there with me. He was outside and joined me a five or ten mins afterwards. he stayed only for about an hour afterwards because of the time of night my boys were born. And he came back next morning a very excited proud and happy dad each time. (The second time he brought our first son. with him in the morning, and it is that family moment rather than the actual birth of my second boy which i recall particularly fondly. I am pleased it was not rushed.)
I had a midwife with me on each occasion the whole time from about 5cm dilated - she was (in each case) great. For me personally it felt right to be a solitary sort of event - the spectator thing could not be more alien to me.
I have never regretted it, my husband has never felt as if he missed anything.
Good luck with the birth and your situation.
making close friends can be easier said then done and also if you go into labour in the night having to ring them and ask to come round is a huge ask, also your hoping they dont work so they wont have to miss work the next day etc. no one wants to have to labour alone or leave there other child with a nurse while they give birth but some people dont have the luxury of having close friends family etc around.
if you mention it to the woman in your group maybe they will offer to help you out or as the other poster said you might become close to someone and then hopefully they will help out. i would also mention it to your midwife on your next visit and see if she has any suggestions.
How did your first birth go? Would you be happy to do it again without your husband?
Personally, having given birth twice with my husband there, I would be perfectly happy to do it again without him.
I had asked my mum who is very happy to come and stay but we felt it was a bit hit and miss because she is a good 3-4 hours away. I am not sure if I would want her to stay with us for too long at the time either as we don't have a huge place at the moment and it might be a bit of a squash. DH thinks so too so we agreed she come down after my DH goes back to work. My dad is also has a terminal illness so she doesnt liek to be away too long.
Verona, I guess that is one possibility. Considering it's a second which will hopefully be a shorter labour than DD!
woompoo thats a good idea and I will be working on that.
I can't have a homebirth as I am being consultant led for previous blood clots.
littlePushka and Guilen, Thanks for that. If I am totally honest it was nice to have DH there last time for support but he did get on my nerves a bit too! I wondered about it afterwards.
I had a 14 hour + labour with DD which was pretty slow and had to stay in overnight afterwards because there was meconium in her waters. But I also know first births are usually longer.
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