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Am I being unreasonable - unnecessary visits?

(15 Posts)
Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 15:42:56

I could post this on AIBU but I think it's more pregnancy related ...

When I first got pregnant and we had those early midwife appointments and scans we’d pop round to our parents houses to update them on baby.

We’re nearly there now and my Mum has told us to go home after our appointments and to put my feet up yet my MIL still expects us to pop round. My DH has pointed out that it’s a urine check and heartbeat check which we can phone about but she always asks when the next check up is and then says ‘oh yes, I’ll be in that afternoon’.

Now I love that she’s interested but after a long day at work and then a check up (I always get the last one of the day as my commute is 1hr +) I just want to go home with DH and enjoy dinner together, not do midweek visits.

We didn’t go round last time and DH just explained how tired I was – to which FIL sent a text the next day saying he hoped I felt less tired today – which made me feel bad!

I’m getting to the stage where just going to work is tiring me out so I’m dreading explaining why we don’t go round after our next check up.

Do we just not go?

Say if they want to see us to pop round to our house?

Just phone afterwards?

Enjoy their interest and make the effort?

lilyrose123 Tue 05-Jul-11 15:46:37

when she said i'll be in that afternoon
I probably would have replied oh great i'll ring you on the landline then?
Is it first grandchild?
I think its lovley that they show that much interest BUT you have to make a stand now else what would be expected once baby is here, believe me when baby comes everyone has an opinion about something, and you need to stand your ground but in a nice smiley polite way x

Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 15:49:33

lilyrose123 - I wish I was that quick! smile

Good idea

No it's not their 1st ... but DS's first!

FoxyRevenger Tue 05-Jul-11 15:50:34

Can you just say 'oh well it's a shame we won't be able to pop round what with the long commute etc but I'll ring and let you know everything's ok'


Finallygotaroundtoit Tue 05-Jul-11 15:52:09

< Do we just not go?

Say if they want to see us to pop round to our house?

Just phone afterwards?

Enjoy their interest and make the effort? >

All of the above

yummymango Tue 05-Jul-11 15:52:38

I would just call them afterwards, or get your DP to. Just tell them you are not going round cos you get tired early now and just want to go home and relax. That way you are still involving them and letting them know what's going on, seeing as they are showing such interest.

Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 15:52:43

Thanks FoxyRevenger - I think I'm just relieved I'm not being unreasonable! smile

Just don't want to be a bad DIL I guess


Finallygotaroundtoit Tue 05-Jul-11 15:52:54

Ooops except make the effort

Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 15:54:49

grin finallygotaroundtoit!

ScarletOHaHa Tue 05-Jul-11 15:56:49

It is lovely that they want to be involved but you need to relax. I would have found a phone call too much grin .

If you think your fil is being passive aggressive , I would refer him back to your DH. If someone send a text it is ok to say 'Thanks so much I am totally shattered and am off to get some rest'.

It is ok to out yourself first, just ignore them. I agree with lilyrose123. Things could get much worse when the baby comes - are you expected to pop in on the way home from hospital?

KatieWatie Tue 05-Jul-11 16:01:57

YANBU at all, I don't blame you for not wanting to go. You should do all of the things you suggested instead!

Blimey I felt a bit upset that my parents/in-laws just aren't very interested in the various developments of their grandchild (and for my parents it's the first and possibly only GC), but actually I think it's for the best. I'd hate to have to relay every detail to people!

nickelbabe Tue 05-Jul-11 16:02:40

it is lovely they want to be involved, but you've just got to put your foot down (well, DH has got to! they're his parents) and say "we will not be coming round after every scan.
we want to be at home, digesting the information and enjoying our peaceful evening together.
we will ring you. (or text. my family are fine with a text!)

Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:07:15

Hi ScarletOHaHa - just hoping it isnt too bad when baby comes - need to set the stall now I guess.

KatieWatie - it is so tiring relaying the details - but I also have family who have gladly updated me on their hectic lives for the last 20 weeks and not once asked how I am/baby is getting on! I sometimes wonder if they've forgotten!

Guess I'd just like a bit of middle ground normality smile x

Newmummytobe79 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:08:27

nickelbabe - I'm sure DH will be fine with that - it means he gets to eat earlier! smile

NorthLondonDoulas Tue 05-Jul-11 16:13:23

Aww bless them - dont blame you though, pregnancy is KNACKERING!

Dont tell them the dates of your appointments and then just ring them when you get home - if they ask if you are going round just say 'sorry already home.'

Or if your appointment falls on the same day of the week you could say that you have antinatal class that evening or something.

Or just simply explain how tired you are and if they want to make the effort to get out everytime to go to yours, im sure the novelty would soon wear off and at least you are relaxed in your own home.

Aww good luck and i hope you find a peaceful solution!x

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